So much for being supportive.....

  I was under the assumption that a support group was to support? I mean, am I wrong in that thinking? I won't name names, because even though I want too, I am an adult, and throwing people under a bus isn't so cool to me. (damn being a grown up anyway!) However, I will say it was a local autism support group. It has been together for a little over a year....

  When the founder asked if anyone had anything to say, or wanted to make any points, and stressed it was "our group," she got all over sensitive about your input. Well, don't ask for my opinion if you don't really want to hear it. When we would be at a meeting, and some people would be venting for support, some of those mothers' sat there and rolled their eyes! I know we may not always agree with one another, but it's a SUPPORT group!!! How supportive is this caddy eye rolling?

  It was more of a clique than a support group, but I kept this to myself. More and more people in this area were contacting me. Asking me if I had thought of starting my own. Truth be told, I had. But growing up in a small town, I knew how it would go, and damn if I didn't call it.

  So, I finally decided to give it a go after some final pushes from people I greatly admire. I took the time and wrote the other group's founder a PRIVATE email. I told her I was starting one. I told her I didn't want any hard feelings. I told her it would be great if we could do group outings as a whole. She said it was fine. It was "cool." She understood. She then turned around and behind my back, put me down, and tried to make me look bad in their "private" group page. You see, this group is so cliquey, they have one page for all in the group, and then a SECRET one, for those in their clique. Well, she didn't realize that she left one of my friend's in that secret group. All that she and another mother said was emailed to me. Mind you, her and the other mother went on to MOCK my CHILD for feeling that Autism is his superpower. Yep, the caddy hens stooped that low! If I weren't the person I am, I would post it all here, for all to read..... (bigger person, bigger person.....)

    Now, I took the time, as a FRIEND to email her personally. That was her chance as an adult,  (that mind you is more than 10 years my senior) to tell me she had an issue with it. She didn't. Instead, she chose to take that low road.

  If this isn't enough, she (the founder) then asked to join the support group I created. I waited, I took a deep breath and I sent her a very nice email. I asked her why she wanted to join my group after the way she wrote about me in the secret group. She then got all defensive and started copying and pasting comments into the email. Oddly enough, she LEFT OUT all the nasty, snide things her and the other mother wrote about me, and only pasted the not so incriminating ones. When I emailed her the ENTIRE conversation, she got very nasty to me, un-friended me, and removed me from the group.

  If that isn't bad enough, she then KICKED my FRIEND'S out of her support group!!!!! How's that for supportive???? Way to go cliquey mothers' of the valley...... You set such a wonderful example (ahem, insert snarky smile here~oh and add an eye roll for good measure.) Sadly one of the mother's that was taken out is not from around here. Her family came from out west and as she said, "you know, so much for making me feel welcome in this state!" I hope she doesn't let these few hens ruin her POV about the rest of us here in NEPA......

  So, this is what support looks like in a small town I guess. It's so sad! This won't happen in my support group. All are welcome. We may not all agree, but we won't roll our eyes at you. We won't condemn you for your views on Autism. We won't act like your ideas are useless. We will welcome you, support you and hopefully become friends!

Sorry, I am only human.....

                                                                        ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

What I WANT for Mother's Day.....an open letter to my son.

    TRIGGER WARNING: If you have no sense of humor, STOP.READING.NOW....otherwise, carry on....

   I have thought long and hard what I want for "my big day." Now, I am an honest person. I speak what and how I feel when I feel it. So I'm writing this like it is.

   I love my son as much as any mother. He is my miracle. He is the child I was NEVER supposed to have. I cherish EVERYTHING he makes. Everything he draws. I save it ALL. I take pics of it all. I am a bit anal about it. That being said, I do NOT need anything craft wise from you Liam for Mother's Day. (not that I wouldn't cherish it (because I would) but I don't NEED it) Here is a list of what I NEED and what I WANT:

   ♥ I want someone to do the dishes. I don't dirty them all, and I am tired of washing them all.

   ♥ I want you to do the laundry. You dirty more laundry than anyone I know, therefore I think you could take some time, and learn how. You also throw a lot around the house, so while you're at it, pick it up.

   ♥ I want you to clean/feed/water Hudson. It's YOUR rat. Yet I always take care of him.

   ♥ I want you to change the litter box. It's YOUR cat, yet I care for her all the time.

   ♥ I want you to clean the bathroom. Your aim is horrible and I am tired of cleaning up pee. While you're at it, clean the bathroom mirror. You can't seem to brush your teeth without splattering it all over the mirror.

   ♥ Clean the living room. I have never seen someone be able to trash a room so quickly. I am tired of it looking like a hurricane hit. PLEASE clean up your mess, and KEEP it that way. (I know, I am dreaming.)

   ♥ I do NOT want breakfast in bed. I love you sweetie, but I have seen how you make "bed meals."  I don't like salt and pepper on my pb sandwiches. A cup of coffee and quiet time when I get up will be just fine.

   ♥ I want to take a nap. I want to be left alone when I do. Kiss me, close the door and walk away. If you need something, ask your father.

   ♥ For ONE day, I want to take a pee by myself. I don't want you pushing your way in because you forgot you had to pee until I had too. I don't want you banging on the door because you forgot you had to pee until I did. LEAVE. ME. ALONE......Peeing is private, let's leave it that way.

   ♥ I want to take a nice hot bath in peace and quiet. I don't want you banging on the door for me to close the curtain so you can come in to poop. I don't want you coming in with some tragedy that only I can solve. I don't want you deciding you need to have an important conversation with me. LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

  ♥ I would LOVE to lay in bed all day, and watch old Dr. Who episodes. I know you can't do all of the above. So I would be happy if your daddy would do all of that, and you and I can lay in bed and enjoy the Dr. together. ♥

  Bottom line buddy, YOU are my mother's day present. You were born the weekend of Mother's day, and every year, every day, I thank God for you. Mama loves you more than life itself. I know you can't give me or do all of these things, and that's ok. It never hurts to hope..... I love you Liam ♥

                                                                           ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Resting before I become a mama ♥ (date is wrong. 5/11/06)

I will never in all my life, forget how this moment felt ♥

I love you with all of my ♥

You're all that I dreamed and all that I hoped ♥

7 years ago....

   7 years ago, my whole life changed. 7 years ago my prayers were answered. My dreams came true. I met you. At 1:10 in the afternoon, I became your mama. I will never forget the way I felt when they laid your on my chest. When I heard your first cries. When I cried with you.

   They told me I would never have you. They told me it couldn't be. I knew better. And that day, we proved them wrong. You were a fighter from the time you were conceived. You  are my fighter. Together we fight Autism, everyday. We fight the stereotypes. We fight the negative attitudes. We fight the obsessions, the aggressions, the anxieties. We revel in the quirks. We take pride in your intelligence. We love you for YOU.

   You are everything I hoped for. You are wise beyond your years. You see the world in a whole new light, and in turn have changed the way I see the world.  You are kind. You are loving. You are sweet. You are forgiving. You are a better person than I am. You have taught me to be a better person.

   You have accomplished so much in 7 years, I can't imagine what you will do in 7 more. You are an advocate. You are a voice. You speak for those that can't, and so many people are enlightened by your ways.

  You sir, you are my heart. When you sleep I gaze upon your sweet face and thank God for you. All of you. You are everything I hoped for, dreamed for, wished for. You are my Liam John and I wouldn't trade you, or our life for the world.

  I look forward to everyday we spend together, and I look forward to watching you grow into a man. I know you will do me proud because I am already proud of the boy you have become.

  Happy 7th Birthday Miracle Man. Mama loves you with all that I am. ♥

Just moments old ♥

Minutes old ♥

My baby now ♥

I made this video for my parents. An Ode to my baby. Enjoy. 

   ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

To eradicate or not to eradicate....

 TRIGGER WARNING~ talk of cure/not to cure as it relates to local autism group and their mission statement. If this may offend you, don't read any further....

 So, I know the topic of to cure or not to cure is always a heated discussion. I used to seethe with rage when people would even suggest the topic to me. However, I have learned that I am not always right. Wait, I said that??? :)

  Some kids are severely autistic. They are not only non verbal, but also super aggressive and need constant care. So for their parents, it's their right to choose cure/no cure. Who am I to say what is right for that family, or that child/adult.

  I try to always put myself in someone else's shoes. To not live life in my little bubble. To realize that my opinion isn't always the only one. To always take someone else's feelings into consideration.

  That being said, it was brought to my attention that a local autism group had a controversial mission statement. It reads like this: "It is our vision to see the condition of Autism eradicated in our lifetime." SAY WHAT???? You want to see my son eradicated? Autism is a part of who he is. It is why he is quirky. I love those quirks!

  You are an autism group. The only one in this small area. How can you have a mission statement like that? Shouldn't you be in the happy medium? To me, that statement has no business being on your home page, for all to see..... Our family will not be participating in their walk this year because of this statement.  Our family raised almost $600 for this group last year. Had I known they wanted autism eradicated, I wouldn't have wasted our time.

  Granted, they did give our son a grant so we could get him some therapy items last year. That was AUSOME and we were totally grateful for that. (that too was before I saw what their mission statement was.) But it burns me to my core to read their statement. As I said, I know we all feel differently, but as a group, they need to take the middle ground.....Am I right or wrong?

  Liam has asked why we aren't participating. I told him why. I don't lie to my son. He wrinkled his nose. He asked me what eradicate meant. I told him. He said, "but it's my super power!" I told him I know this. He had a funny look on his face. One of hurt. It hurt my son that YOU (unnamed group) want his Autism eradicated. Doesn't that bother you? Hasn't it occurred to you that you may be excluding all the people that embrace autism, from your cliquey little group? We don't all feel the same way, and everyone has a right to their feelings, but by making such a statement, you are in fact alienating those that feel differently. And as a "group" it is my understanding that you should take the feelings of ALL into consideration.

  A great example of this is another semi local autism group. This one out of Wilkes Barre Pa. Their mission statement reads as follows: S.A.F.E., Inc. is a 501c3 non-profit organization supporting families affected by 

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Our membership is comprised of individuals with ASD and those who love them. We 

provide members, families, caretakers and professionals with support and information pertaining to the latest interventions and 

educational practices, therapies, and available programs for individuals with ASD. We also provide opportunities for those 

living with ASD to overcome social barriers, enjoying group and leisure activities in the community. Our goal is to help people 

with autism live full and independent lives.

  

  Now to me, that is a mission statement. Do you see how they left their personal feelings out of it? Am I right or 

wrong when I say that is how a support group should be? I know it bothered others on my personal page when I 

first posted about not taking part in the walk and why. So I know this will probably bother them too. For that I am 

sorry. I don't like to bother people or hurt their feelings. With that being said, I can't stand behind a group that   

disregards others feelings. (not just mine, Pita's or my son's, but others in the same community we are to be 

supporting.) If this is wrong, then I don't want to be right.....

                                                                        ♥♥♥♥

Hey Soccer Moms.....Get a sense of humor!

  I mean seriously! If you all read my last blog post, (the one on BlogHer, not the one on here) you will know what I am talking about it. If not, check it out HERE.



  I was attacked by the goody goody soccer moms. They ganged up on me, tore me down, and made me feel like an ass....but only for a bit. It wasn't long before I thought about it, talked to other special needs moms, and realized those other mothers were out of line. They need to take a moment and remove the stick from their arses.

   They need to take a moment and realize that post was a vent. It was my way of getting out my frustrations. Nothing more, nothing less. However, these mothers felt the need to judge me. To attack me. To make me feel like less of a person for the way I felt. Lexi, from Mostly True Stuff  also wrote a great piece on judging others. Now, my piece may have seemed judgmental to those not in our shoes, but I swear it wasn't. It was my way of telling people to appreciate what they have.

 I am a smart ass. I am sarcastic. I have an odd sense of humor as well. That being said, I have a huge heart, and it takes a lot to upset me and set me off. Once you do however, look out because it then takes a lot to calm me down.

This quote adorns my fridge ;)

  YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Neither am I......my friend over at Deciphering Morgan wrote a great post pertaining to that. (click on her blog name to check it out. It's worth it!) None of us are. Don't judge what you don't know. I know your life may be hard in a different way than mine. I get it. Just do me a favor. Appreciate it. When you don't, stop and think that there are always others who don't have it so good. There are always others who want what you have, and may never have it.

  So, now that the "drama" has died down, I find myself a tad amused by the barrage of comments on my last post. I don't go out of my way to offend people. That being said, I say how I feel, when I feel it. If that offends you, I am terribly sorry. However, I am 34, and I am who I am. I will not change for anyone.......

♥♥♥♥

Hey Soccer Moms.....Listen Up!!!!

  Are you listening??? Hey, all you NT soccer mom's out there, we (the special needs parents) are jealous! Yes, you read that right. We are jealous, annoyed, maybe even a bit pissed off! Why you ask, well have a seat, let me explain!

  We are jealous because while you have to juggle your kids to different sporting events. Or juggle birthday parties, play dates, coffee dates, maybe even mani/pedi salon days, or dare I say it, DATE NIGHT with your significant others. We don't get to do this. Instead we juggle therapies, doctor's appointments, and errands around our child's moods.

  Our kids often aren't invited to birthday parties. They aren't invited to play dates. We mom's don't get a day to beautify ourselves for our husbands. (My hubs is shocked to see me in something other than pajamas!) We, as special needs parents don't always get date nights. We don't have babysitters. Hell, my son and I share a room, and PITA has his own room because it's the only way we can get our kid to sleep is if he is in the same room as mama.

  So, the next time you see us, please don't tell us how stressed you are because kid one has a tee ball game, and kid two has a little league game, and kid 3 has a birthday party. I may smile to make you feel better, but what I really want to do is slap you. No lie. I don't get to sit on the side lines and cheer my son on as he rounds the bases. I don't get to anticipate him hitting or catching that ball. I don't get to juggle sports, and all that jazz.

  You see, my son won't play organized sports. He knows he isn't good at sports. He knows his coordination is terrible and he just yesterday caught a football. That is HUGE in our house. My son is picked last to be on a team. He is the last man standing and that breaks our heart. Pita and I long to sit on the sidelines and cheer our little turd on in a sporting event.

  The neighbor kids were playing flag football yesterday and Liam walked away. He had tears in his eyes because he didn't want to play. He said, "mom, I can't do it. I suck!" That ripping sound you heard, that was my heart being torn from my chest. PITA heard him and stepped in. He helped Liam in the game. He helped Liam catch that football. That screaming sound you heard....Yeah, that was me! I was screaming like a lunatic. Clapping and jumping like an idiot. For the first time, I was a mom on the sidelines cheering my little boy on. I was ECSTATIC!!!!

 But you know what??? That was one time. It may or may not ever happen again. When it was over, when the kids picked up the outside toys and we headed in for the night, I was pissed. I was pissed because you get to do this on a weekly basis. I was pissed because you complain about having to go to these games. I was pissed because you don't want to be there. I was pissed because you take it for granted.

  We long to be in your shoes. We don't long to have your life per say. We long to see our kids do something that yours take for granted. We long to see them included. We long to see them as part of a team.

  So the next time you go to open your mouth, and complain about being a soccer mom, think twice. Be grateful for your life. Stop and think......it could be very different. If it were, stop and think how you would feel....

Bubbles are a choking hazard....

  So I got up this morning with the bright idea to do something fun. Sunday Funday right??? I got on Pinterest and looked up some warm weather fun. I chose bubbles. Because who doesn't love bubbles???

  I found the recipe for "Giant Bubbles," and as luck would have it, I had all the ingredients. I mixed up a batch and was excited to try it out. We (Liam and "A" took the bucket outside to try them out.) Now, if you are familiar with this recipe, every pin on Pinterest says they are "indestructible." Indestructible my arse!!! They weren't any better than the cheap bubbles you buy at Dollar Tree. For the time, and money it took to make them, I wouldn't waste my time again.

 Next we decided to try bubble snakes. My kiddo loves snakes ( *gag* ) so anything snake related is right up his alley. This seemed easy enough. Soda bottles (20 oz size) from the recyclables. (Now I say soda bottles because the new water bottles are too flimsy for this.) next, you'll need an old wash cloth or towel. Cut circles out of it. Big enough to cover the bottom with about 2 inches to spare all the way around. Cut very bottom off of bottle, then put towel/washcloth over it. Attach with rubber band. (A hair tie works well too ;) )

  Now comes the fun part. We used that junk bubble mixture we made. Dip the bottom into bubble mix, and blow. This is super cool.

HOWEVER, make sure kiddos DO NOT BREATHE IN!!!!!! Another neighbor kiddo came over, and oddly enough, BOTH NT kiddos, sucked in and choked when they ingested the bubbles....Yep, got to meet his mom when she came over to find out what happened. AWKWARD!!!!


  So all in all, the kiddos enjoyed it, until they ingested it, and I dumped it in the yard. So enjoy, but PLEASE be careful!
                                                                  ♥♥♥♥