Perspective

  Yesterday afternoon was off to a rough start. Liam was rotten for me during lessons. His new punishment is a writing assignment. 1) because he REALLY needs to work on his handwriting, and getting him to write is like pulling teeth. 2) because he hates it, and I'm sorry, but time outs, and groundings don't work. Had to try something new.

  So when he has been exceptionally rotten, he has to write. We start off with 5 short sentences, and if he persists, then it goes up by 5 each time. So I waited til Mr. M (TSS) got here to make him do it. I KNEW it was going to be a fight. It wasn't long, and I raised it to 10 sentences. He was screaming at me, kicking my chair and refusing to do it. So there son, now you have to do more!

  It turned into a pretty nasty meltdown. It was a tantrum at first. He was pissed. He didn't want to waste his "Mr. M time doing stupid writing." It quickly spun out of control and into a meltdown. He was screaming at me and telling me, "I SUCK! I CAN'T DO IT! MY WRITING IS HORRIBLE!" (he over heard me telling his new school I wanted an OT eval for him because his writing is not where it should be :/ ) He ended up hiding under my desk and insisting Mr. M leave the room. Odd, because he LOVES M. You see, the older Liam gets the more aware of his feelings he is. He was embarrassed.  He told me later he didn't want Mr. M seeing him "so mad and so sad." Once M complied (and I felt terrible for him) Liam dried his tears, rocked a bit and banged out his writing. I even offered to knock two off for him being such a trooper. His rule abiding reply??? "No momma, you said 10 and I was bad, so I will do 10."

  My plan was to let him paint pumpkins. As you know, being an autism momma is also about recognizing triggers for our kiddos. I knew that his self esteem at the moment was low and that letting him paint pumpkins may make that worse. He is such a perfectionist. Instead I decided to let him carve one. He grew 14, we have plenty to spare! He has a special kid safe knife (thank you pampered chef) that won't cut him, and he LOVES to be let loose on unsuspecting pumpkins.

  Now, I usually draw the face on, and then let him carve it. He tells me how he wants it to look and I draw it. This year, I figured I would just let him do as he wanted to it. It would be 100% Liam. We cleaned it out, and he was off......

This is what he carved....

Now, he stepped back and looked. I could see the disdain in his little face. "Momma. I suck! I ruined it!" Oh good God, here we go again. Thank God, my brain thought quickly for a change. "No, no Liam. You didn't ruin it!" "Yes I did momma. Look at the big hole!" "Liam, you see a big hole, I see a place to put the light without me having to reach inside it. Yuck!" He smiled wide! "You're right momma!" (Yep, ALWAYS,  just ask you're dad!) 

He was happy with that, and was ready to move on with more carving. So, I  asked him if he wanted a face on it. He did. I drew what he asked. He carved the eyes, nose and part of the mouth, then asked me to take over because his hands were tired. Those  pumpkins are thick little suckers!

Liam's pumpkin :)

When he was all done, I did the redneck thing that pita always does with the pumpkins. I jammed in a solar light. So much safer than candles, and I don't have to remember to go out and light it every night. When Liam saw it with the solar light, he was very pleased with his huge hole. He later told me "Yeah momma. I carved that big hole for a reason." ;) 

 So, carving pumpkins turned out to be a great lesson for Liam on perspective. He learned that there isn't only one way to see something. That there is always a bright side.

redneck pumpkin lighting ;)

<3 <3 <3 <3

Feelings.....

  This post came to me last night. Of course after 2 hours of tossing and turning, I was finally comfortable, when my brain decides to put lucid thoughts together. Story of my life! Anyway, I was pondering the days events, and still giggling to myself over Liam's writing assignment. I was also thinking about the irony of it all.

  You see, my son is verbal. VERY verbal. Dare I say, sometimes TOO verbal (or too honest, we haven't decided yet.) So, we often get, "You're so lucky he is verbal." or "He can talk, that is such a blessing!"  Yes, it is. We know it is, and we are very thankful. However, what many don't realize is that, just because he is verbal, doesn't mean he is expressive. (I have blogged on this before, to read it, CLICK HERE)

  Yes, he tells us he loves us, prompted and unprompted. He has conversations with us. Mainly about his current obsession. (Beyblades ATM) He tells us what he wants, and what he doesn't, (all too often) and he is VERY opinionated. BUT...... he has a hard time speaking about other things. If he is very upset, or even very excited, he also stutters, something terrible, and it takes him so long to get out what he needs to say, so he often gives up.

  If Liam is sick, and you ask him what's wrong he can't tell you. (For two reasons. One, he has a super hero sized high pain threshold, and two, because he can't find the words to tell you what ails him.) His ear drums have perforated before we knew he had an ear infection. (Yeah, parents of the year here!) I take him to the Dr. and they go through the list of questions, and there Liam sits with a blank look because he can't tell them what he feels. (Thankfully his new Ped totally gets this, and directs the questions in different manners to try and evoke replies.)

  When Liam is upset, he also can't tell you. He does one of two things. If he is really mad, he flips out. He screams, and cries, hits the walls, and bangs his head. Then he calms himself by rocking and humming. If he is upset because someone has hurt his feelings, he keeps it in. Don't get me wrong, he is a superb tattle tail if a kid is breaking the rules, but when someone bullies him (which happens all too often) he keeps the feelings in. He tells us it happens, but can't tell you much more than facts.

  Each time it does happen, pita and I will sit with him afterward and try to talk to him about it. We ask him things like, "Are you okay? How did that make you feel? What did you say? What could you have said?" and so on. We try like hell to get him to express how it makes him feel and he can't. (aside from having a meltdown over it) You see, a child can be horribly cruel to Liam one day, and the next day, if said child comes back, Liam calls him his buddy and is ready to play with him. Liam doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't become jaded. I love that about him, I really do! However,  it bothers me that he doesn't learn from it. When said child bullies again, we go through this whole process over. Sometimes, more than 4 times a week. (we really live in a shitty area!)

  So anyway, getting him to express how this makes him feel is nearly impossible. Now, this year in school he is having to do short weekly writing assignments. I love this. At first, it was hell, as he fought me so hard, but now, he knows he HAS to do it. He also knows that per his teacher and 504, he can dictate to me, and I can write it. So he is cool with that. It is making him reach inside, and think and express himself in different ways. It is also giving us insight into what goes on his head. Case in point.....

This assignment was the precursor to the actual composition. Liam was to think of 6 animals he would like to be and why. His answers saddened, and shocked us....

He took a simple writing assignment and gave it feeling, his feelings. (a bit to much for this momma as it made me bawl behind a closed bathroom door.) The insight that he has at 7 amazes us. The way he was able to express himself, without realizing it was just awesome! Can you tell Liam is bullied quite a bit? (and sadly, he is bullied at home by neighbor kids, as we home school!)

Now, the next day, he was directed to choose one of these animals and expand upon why he would want to be that animal, and "write" a composition of at least 4 sentences.  This is what he had to say....

Again, this is ALL him. His words,  his thoughts. I was merely writing what he told me, exactly as he told me. I laughed and I cried over this one. I could still see the feelings of being bullied, but then he also added some facts he knows to be true about dogs. Liam is a VERY fact based child. He has a brain like a steel trap. It holds facts for future use (much like momma's but even better!)

His father and I are so in love with this assignment. We love the honesty, and comedic value to it. More than that, we love how he was able to reach inside, and pull out some of his feelings. He may or may not have realized he was doing this. When I hugged him and told him how much I loved it, he was quite aloof about the whole thing. No matter, he expressed himself. This has been a long time coming. We pray, this is the beginning of  a new phase, and that he is finally learning how to get his feelings out. Even if he can't tell us. Even if he has to write them down. The fact that he can recognize or just pull them out, is awesome. With puberty around the corner, this will be a huge help to him and to us!

<3 <3 <3 <3

Walking on Sunshine my Ass!

  Whoever wrote that song Walking on Sunshine (credit for that goes to Kimberley Rew) is full of shit! I am a super optimistic. I always look on the bright side. I am a life is great kind of person, FOR THE MOST PART.... However lately, I want to shove rainbows down people's throats. I am pessimistic, and I know it, so I am keeping to myself. Hey, I don't want to rain on everyone's parade!!!!

In case you're too young to get the song reference, here's the youtube link (blogger is being an asshat and won't post the video) (and before there are assumptions, no, my love life is fine, I just hate this chipper song right now!) http://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U


 Yeah, I know what you're thinking... "when life gives ya lemons...." No, I don't want to make lemonade! I want to squeeze that shit in someone's eyes, ok?!?!?! I am entitled to be a bit pessimistic once in awhile. Now is that time.

  Since I blogged last we did get great news. Liam gets to keep his TSS. WOOT WOOT! For that I am stoked and super grateful. I was told that the reason we got to keep him is he agreed to more hours, and because I had Pita call and complain. I knew Mr. M didn't want to leave and we knew Liam didn't want to lose him, so since I abhor the phone, I nagged hubs til he called ;) So that was our good news.

  Otherwise, not so much. I am so annoyed with the little shit neighbor kids that I dread hearing that damn school bus go through every day. Literally, my throat starts to burn, and my heart starts to race. When I found out last night that there was no school for them today, I immediately became sick to my stomch. Yes, it's that bad! Liam is constantly coming inside and constantly crying because of the things these kids are saying and doing to him. IN MY YARD!!

  "Keep Liam inside," I have been told. Well, smart ass, don't ya think if it were that easy I would??? Yes, I am his mom. Yes, I am supposed to be in charge, but he is 7 with a very outspoken mind, and he NEEDS to be able to go outside for fresh air and to exert his energies. Also, I don't think it's fair to have to keep my child inside just because other people can't make their child mind!

  Before the sanctimommies jump my shiz, listen up! I am not perfect. Nor do I EVER claim to be. Special needs child or not, if my child is being an asshat, you bet your ass, I will be the first to call him out, and reprimand him. I expect that from other parents. I am tired of being a parent to all of these other children. It isn't my job to watch your kids. If you are told your child is bullying someone, anyone, then you need to stand up and do something about. Just telling said child not to do that, obviously isn't working. Do something more. Try grounding your kid. Try leaving your house and making sure Johnny isn't being a jerk to kids and adults alike.

  Also, while I am letting all this out. When you have been told about these events TIME, and TIME AGAIN, and you do nothing, you look like an ass. Even more so when you are told that authorities are going to be stepping in and then you choose to become all self righteous and vindicate your child of any wrong doing. Do you forget how long we have known each other????? YEARS...... need I say more?????

  For the people who are reading this and know this neighborhood, don't ask me whom I am speaking of. There is more than one child this is in regards too. Because said children are minors, and because I am still a decent person, I will NOT divulge which children and parents I am speaking of. I know small towns. I have lived in them my whole life. I also know that everyone likes to think they know what or whom you are talking about when they really have no clue.

   Bottom line.... This is a warning for ALL parents, and kids that live in my vicinity. I am done. No more Mrs. Nice Chick. (was I ever that? I'm not sure) No more warnings. Liam has been telling his therapists about all the events that go on here. Our next step is authorities. So, if you haven't stepped up and put a stop to your kid bullying mine, now might be a good time to do that. If you don't, it may be you who gets lemon juice in your eyes, a rainbow down your throat, and a huge "I told you so" when the authorities come a knockin'!