Tired of fighting

  Once again, just when things seem to be going well, and all is seeming to be right with the world, the proverbial rug is pulled from under our feet. It's sucks. It sucks bad! It's easier to ignore it and pretend it isn't going to happen. But I can't. I can't sit back and act like it won't be hell for my boy. I can't act like it won't phase him because it will.

  Why does my boy have to endure such shit? In his 7 and half years, we have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. I know, I know. It could be much worse. I get that, I do. But dammit, for once I am going to let it hurt. I am going to admit that this sucks, so damn bad it's not even funny.

  Liam's BSC told me today that his TSS is being transferred to another client. Meaning Liam will be getting a new one. Do these places really know about Autism???? If so, don't they know how hard change is for our kids? Don't they know our kids thrive when they get paired with someone and click? My child has a disabled dad. So for him, having a male TSS that can do man things with him was a God send. The many things his dad can't do, Mr. M does. They ride bikes, go for walks, go fishing. The list goes on. Nothing against women therapists, but Liam is a man's man, and this isn't going to be easy.

  My heart aches today. Every time I look at him it breaks. This is the boy that counts down the days to Mr. M's time to come. He waits by the door like a puppy when it gets close to his arrival time on his days. If Mr. M is x amount of minutes late, Liam tells him straight away that he must stay x amount of minutes later. (he's a stickler for time!)  Liam also loves his BSC, don't get me wrong. I am thankful he isn't losing both. But I am angry as hell he has to lose Mr. M.

  We all know how hard transitions are for our kids. And yes, I know, once in "the real world" he will have to deal with transition and disappointment. I know this. But dammit, he was finally used to Mr. M and letting him see the real Liam. And now he will be leaving. Liam's BSC is going to work on a social story for him. I am thinking of ways to lessen the blow and help him cope. I got nothin.' I can already feel his pain.

 Being a parent is the most rewarding AND upsetting job ever. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly, it's beautiful.  It's so hard seeing your child hurt and not be able to take that away. It's like ripping a bandage off a hairy leg very slowly. Or what I imagine a Brazilian wax to feel like. It hurts like hell!!!!

  Hubs wants to call first thing on Monday to plead our case. I don't think it will help. They have to do what they have to do. I guess it's worth a try though. I have no issue going mama bear when it comes to my boy.  I'm not gonna lie though, sometimes I get tired of fighting. It seems that as a special needs parent, every time we turn around we are having to fight for something for our children. It sucks.....

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