My Messy Beautiful Life....

  When I got the email invite from Momastery about this project, I knew I had to take part. I knew I would fight my brain, and figure out a way to get my words out, come Hell or high water!!!! You see, a very large part of my messy beautiful life is that I live with chronic illnesses. A lot of them....

 The Fibromyalgia causes horrible brain fog and memory problems to boot! I can't tell you what I ate yesterday, but I can tell you EVERY single teacher I had since kindergarten. (Useless info is what PITA calls it.) I also have chronic fatigue syndrome, Hashimotos disease, Endometriosis, Hemorrhagic Ovarian Cysts, and more.... I don't want to bore you with the details.

 The chronic pain can be debilitating some days, but I push on. I have to. I am a mom. Not just a "normal" mom, I'm an Autism mom!






 My son Liam (whom is the reason I started to blog in the first place) will be 8 in May, and he is autistic. He has taught me a lot in 8 years. I have grown in ways I never would have imagined. (especially in clothing sizes!) I have learned that no love compares to the love between a parent and a child. I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. Even on my worsT days, when I can't seem to get off my chair, I am still an ass kicking momma!!!

 I have learned that public schools really aren't for everyone. I have learned that I make a pretty damn good special needs teacher. (There is no feeling like hearing your child read, and knowing that it was YOU that taught him that.) I have learned that I am a force to be reckoned with. (Just asK NEB.... that school really despises me, because of my advocating for my son.)

 I have learned that I don't care.

Now before anyone decides to go sanctimommy on that sentence, let me explain. I don't care what you, or you over there... or you hiding behind your computer, think of me. I have lost "friends" because I talk about Autism and how it impacts our life, a LOT. My world revolves around my son, and if people don't like that, it's their loss.  It doesn't matter to me.


What matters is what my son thinks of me. What matters is what I think of me.



  I have learned that even though this world is chock full of asshats.... that there is still a TON of AUSOME people left in the world. A lot of these people follow us on A Legion for Liam. A lot of these people I now call friends. I have never really "met" them. I don't need to. I KNOW them. They are good shit! And even though I don't like social functions, if some of these ladies wanted to get together, I would jump and scream at the chance! (I'm talking about you Housewives!!!) I have learned that family doesn't mean you are blood related! I have gained 6 sisters in the last year and I love them all!

 I have learned that my family is even more amazing than I thought they were. They have rallied around Liam since his diagnosis in 2010. They have supported, and learned, and understand Liam and Autism. It's amazing. They have also rallied around me. They support me, and my decisions about our life. They offer me guidance when I feel like hope is lost. In general, they ROCK!!!

 So I guess what I am getting at is this. Your life may be "messy." It may be difficult. It may royally suck sometimes. But bottom line, someone ALWAYS has it worse. So be thankful. Be glad that you have a "messy, beautiful life!"

For more #CarryOnWarrior posts, click  HERE.

Tired of fighting

  Once again, just when things seem to be going well, and all is seeming to be right with the world, the proverbial rug is pulled from under our feet. It's sucks. It sucks bad! It's easier to ignore it and pretend it isn't going to happen. But I can't. I can't sit back and act like it won't be hell for my boy. I can't act like it won't phase him because it will.

  Why does my boy have to endure such shit? In his 7 and half years, we have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. I know, I know. It could be much worse. I get that, I do. But dammit, for once I am going to let it hurt. I am going to admit that this sucks, so damn bad it's not even funny.

  Liam's BSC told me today that his TSS is being transferred to another client. Meaning Liam will be getting a new one. Do these places really know about Autism???? If so, don't they know how hard change is for our kids? Don't they know our kids thrive when they get paired with someone and click? My child has a disabled dad. So for him, having a male TSS that can do man things with him was a God send. The many things his dad can't do, Mr. M does. They ride bikes, go for walks, go fishing. The list goes on. Nothing against women therapists, but Liam is a man's man, and this isn't going to be easy.

  My heart aches today. Every time I look at him it breaks. This is the boy that counts down the days to Mr. M's time to come. He waits by the door like a puppy when it gets close to his arrival time on his days. If Mr. M is x amount of minutes late, Liam tells him straight away that he must stay x amount of minutes later. (he's a stickler for time!)  Liam also loves his BSC, don't get me wrong. I am thankful he isn't losing both. But I am angry as hell he has to lose Mr. M.

  We all know how hard transitions are for our kids. And yes, I know, once in "the real world" he will have to deal with transition and disappointment. I know this. But dammit, he was finally used to Mr. M and letting him see the real Liam. And now he will be leaving. Liam's BSC is going to work on a social story for him. I am thinking of ways to lessen the blow and help him cope. I got nothin.' I can already feel his pain.

 Being a parent is the most rewarding AND upsetting job ever. It's good, it's bad, it's ugly, it's beautiful.  It's so hard seeing your child hurt and not be able to take that away. It's like ripping a bandage off a hairy leg very slowly. Or what I imagine a Brazilian wax to feel like. It hurts like hell!!!!

  Hubs wants to call first thing on Monday to plead our case. I don't think it will help. They have to do what they have to do. I guess it's worth a try though. I have no issue going mama bear when it comes to my boy.  I'm not gonna lie though, sometimes I get tired of fighting. It seems that as a special needs parent, every time we turn around we are having to fight for something for our children. It sucks.....

                                                                         <3 <3 <3 <3