STOP Shaming Autism Parents!

    There's a trend on social media attacking parents like myself, whom write about our lives with Autism. I could point out page names and blogs, but why give these people more attention than they deserve? Instead, I'm going to share my feelings about it.

    First of all, people need to stop accusing us of being disrespectful. They claim that we have our blogs and pages to get attention for being an autism parent, and in doing so, are disrespecting our children. How bogus is that?? (Trust me, I loathe attention. I'm happy hiding out from small talk and people.) I myself, as with many other autism parents I know, started our pages and blogs to tell OUR story. (We aren't here to tell your story. That's your prerogative.) We are reaching out and sharing slices of our lives, to connect with other parents that are walking a similar path. To help ourselves, and to help others.

    Secondly, they claim we are exploiting our children. (Another reason they accuse us of being disrespectful.) Okay, now maybe some people do that, but lumping all of us page owners and writers into that category is, well frankly, it's bullshit! My son is old enough now, that I ask his permission to share certain things. When I started, he wasn't able to make that decision. So his father and I would talk about what it was I wanted to share, and together, decide how to do it respectfully. I have never shared inappropriate images of my son. (Who would with all the pervs out there?) When talking about his severe cycles, I divulge basic information, but I never go in depth with things my son says to me in confidence. We don't tell people where we live. I also don't accept strangers on my personal Facebook.

    Thirdly, they claim that we share too much. That by telling people our story, we're in fact hurting our children. If my son has a rough day, he has a rough day. We are teaching him to own it. Shit happens, to ALL of us! If I choose to joke about it on social media, and let others know they aren't alone in this struggle, how is that hurting my child? He isn't the brunt of my joke. I am sharing to vent. Sharing to make light of a crappy day. That's how we roll in our real lives too.

    We can't sit here, behind our keyboards and act like life is all sunshine and rainbows. That's bullshit, and we all know it. As writers, we are sharing our story to reach out to all of you. These "sanctimommies" need to step off, and worry more about how they are raising their children, instead of how we are doing it. Hell, most of the autism pages I follow are much like mine. They share the good, the bad, sensory fun, inspirational posts, jokes, and more. They are real. Isn't that what we want? Why would we want to read fake crap? Not one of us is a "perfect" parent! I could keep going on about how they're judging us, but I have a life, and so I will stop here.

    One last thought.... We're all muddling through this gig together. Instead of belittling one another, let's raise each other up! Besides, falling off a high horse would be pretty painful, and I for one, wouldn't want to be the wanker that falls off!

Psychic Chemotherapy

So I am reading an old but beloved book. I adore it. I read it almost every year because I enjoy it so much. I have read it at least 10 times, and this particular quote never stood out to me...... Until now.

When I came upon this quote (Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz page 134) I stopped. Not my normal stop. (by that I mean, when I'm stressed or over tired, my OCD tells me I must read certain sentences 4 times. It sucks, and sometimes takes me forever to get through a book.) I digress. I stopped. This time I reread the sentence because it was resonating in my heart, NOT because my brain was being a jerk and messing with me.

Then it hit me. When Liam has his manic/depressive episodes, I don't write. I have to force myself to get on facebook. For a few reasons I guess. 

One of which is, I shut myself off from the world. We exist in our own tumultuous vortex and leaving it at times like that is like, trying to free yourself from the grips of an F5 tornado.

Another reason is, though I love reading how my friends and family are doing, and I love seeing the fun times you're enjoying; when we are in that vortex, I don't want to see your happiness and sunshine. It makes our Hell seem much more harsh and cruel.

Not until the last time did I actually go on ALFL and ask for prayers. And something much more profound happened. YOU all reached out to ME, and you made the hurt, hurt a little less. Still, I couldn't bring myself to write about what was happening. I couldn't blog about it. I couldn't really even go into detail in a status update....

Up until I read that passage from Odd Thomas, I thought I was avoiding my blog because I didn't want to have to relive those tragic days. It was then that I realized, I was wrong. YES Pita, I said I was wrong.

And where I was wrong, Little Ozzie (well actually Dean Koontz since LO is fictional) was right. I know this because, when I was finally able to blog about Liam's manic/depressive episode, when I finally let it all out, it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I was no longer carrying that sad journey in my own heart. I opened up, and I shared it with the world. And it was enlightening!

NEVER again will I avoid my blog in a time of need. My blog is here to cleanse my body and mind from  "psychological tumors." All the cruel happenings of this world. From all the wrongs. All the not fairs, and all the what ifs.

My best advice as a special needs mother?

Find an outlet. For you. For your child. Blog, write poetry, paint, sketch, compose music. It doesn't matter how you do it, what matters is that YOU DO IT.

You release the negative and your heart will feel so light!

Thanks Dean Koontz for putting my epiphany into such meaningful words!

<3 <3 <3 <3

Feelings.....

  This post came to me last night. Of course after 2 hours of tossing and turning, I was finally comfortable, when my brain decides to put lucid thoughts together. Story of my life! Anyway, I was pondering the days events, and still giggling to myself over Liam's writing assignment. I was also thinking about the irony of it all.

  You see, my son is verbal. VERY verbal. Dare I say, sometimes TOO verbal (or too honest, we haven't decided yet.) So, we often get, "You're so lucky he is verbal." or "He can talk, that is such a blessing!"  Yes, it is. We know it is, and we are very thankful. However, what many don't realize is that, just because he is verbal, doesn't mean he is expressive. (I have blogged on this before, to read it, CLICK HERE)

  Yes, he tells us he loves us, prompted and unprompted. He has conversations with us. Mainly about his current obsession. (Beyblades ATM) He tells us what he wants, and what he doesn't, (all too often) and he is VERY opinionated. BUT...... he has a hard time speaking about other things. If he is very upset, or even very excited, he also stutters, something terrible, and it takes him so long to get out what he needs to say, so he often gives up.

  If Liam is sick, and you ask him what's wrong he can't tell you. (For two reasons. One, he has a super hero sized high pain threshold, and two, because he can't find the words to tell you what ails him.) His ear drums have perforated before we knew he had an ear infection. (Yeah, parents of the year here!) I take him to the Dr. and they go through the list of questions, and there Liam sits with a blank look because he can't tell them what he feels. (Thankfully his new Ped totally gets this, and directs the questions in different manners to try and evoke replies.)

  When Liam is upset, he also can't tell you. He does one of two things. If he is really mad, he flips out. He screams, and cries, hits the walls, and bangs his head. Then he calms himself by rocking and humming. If he is upset because someone has hurt his feelings, he keeps it in. Don't get me wrong, he is a superb tattle tail if a kid is breaking the rules, but when someone bullies him (which happens all too often) he keeps the feelings in. He tells us it happens, but can't tell you much more than facts.

  Each time it does happen, pita and I will sit with him afterward and try to talk to him about it. We ask him things like, "Are you okay? How did that make you feel? What did you say? What could you have said?" and so on. We try like hell to get him to express how it makes him feel and he can't. (aside from having a meltdown over it) You see, a child can be horribly cruel to Liam one day, and the next day, if said child comes back, Liam calls him his buddy and is ready to play with him. Liam doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't become jaded. I love that about him, I really do! However,  it bothers me that he doesn't learn from it. When said child bullies again, we go through this whole process over. Sometimes, more than 4 times a week. (we really live in a shitty area!)

  So anyway, getting him to express how this makes him feel is nearly impossible. Now, this year in school he is having to do short weekly writing assignments. I love this. At first, it was hell, as he fought me so hard, but now, he knows he HAS to do it. He also knows that per his teacher and 504, he can dictate to me, and I can write it. So he is cool with that. It is making him reach inside, and think and express himself in different ways. It is also giving us insight into what goes on his head. Case in point.....

This assignment was the precursor to the actual composition. Liam was to think of 6 animals he would like to be and why. His answers saddened, and shocked us....

He took a simple writing assignment and gave it feeling, his feelings. (a bit to much for this momma as it made me bawl behind a closed bathroom door.) The insight that he has at 7 amazes us. The way he was able to express himself, without realizing it was just awesome! Can you tell Liam is bullied quite a bit? (and sadly, he is bullied at home by neighbor kids, as we home school!)

Now, the next day, he was directed to choose one of these animals and expand upon why he would want to be that animal, and "write" a composition of at least 4 sentences.  This is what he had to say....

Again, this is ALL him. His words,  his thoughts. I was merely writing what he told me, exactly as he told me. I laughed and I cried over this one. I could still see the feelings of being bullied, but then he also added some facts he knows to be true about dogs. Liam is a VERY fact based child. He has a brain like a steel trap. It holds facts for future use (much like momma's but even better!)

His father and I are so in love with this assignment. We love the honesty, and comedic value to it. More than that, we love how he was able to reach inside, and pull out some of his feelings. He may or may not have realized he was doing this. When I hugged him and told him how much I loved it, he was quite aloof about the whole thing. No matter, he expressed himself. This has been a long time coming. We pray, this is the beginning of  a new phase, and that he is finally learning how to get his feelings out. Even if he can't tell us. Even if he has to write them down. The fact that he can recognize or just pull them out, is awesome. With puberty around the corner, this will be a huge help to him and to us!

<3 <3 <3 <3