My Son Asked to be Baptized

    My son doesn't like to be very far away from us. He doesn't spend the night anywhere. He won't stay with a sitter. This is anxiety and autism.

    Recently he actually started to go to youth group at a local church. This was huge because he was getting on a bus at five thirty at night, and getting home at seven. He leaves us for a few hours, and is actually miles away from home. And he learned that he's okay! He's safe! And most of all, he's happy.

My Son Asked to be Baptized

    We got a phone call a few weeks ago from the pastor of the church Liam attends. He asked the pastor to baptize him. I was ecstatic! I wanted to do it when he was a baby, but life got busy. Then came his autism diagnosis, and life got even busier. So it just didn't happen.

    Now, he's turning twelve on Friday, and on Sunday, he will be baptized in front of his family. It was HIS choice. Liam understands fully what it means to be baptized, and he's all excited. Pastor Jason even gave him three options for receiving the holy water. This is huge because autistics have sensory issues, so water can be painful.

    Liam can chose from having a cross symbol made with holy water on his forehead, having the water sprinkled on his head, or being dunked in it. He still hasn't fully decided, though he's leaning more towards the cross. He doesn't like to be splashed (but has no problem with splashing others.) 

A Beautiful Cross

    In honor of his special day, I wanted to get him a beautiful cross to wear. I chose this Brilliant Cross Necklace for him. It came yesterday and it's even more gorgeous in person. Made from 925 sterling silver it's so sparkly! I love that it looks like real wood. It comes with an adjustable chain, to accommodate all sizes. It's sixteen inches, and has an extra two inch extension. 

Gift Wrapped

    This Brilliant Cross Necklace comes in a pretty box for gifting. The box has a nice silver ribbon on it too. It's perfect for gifting because it looks as though it's wrapped. It would make a wonderful Mother's day, or even Father's Day gift for your parents. 

Why Must Pain Be Necessary?

   Pita is giving Liam a shower, while I take a bath, and have some much needed "mental health time." I turned the on music on my phone, planning to drift into lyrics and forget how really sh!tty this day has been. It didn't help. Instead, I'm left ugly crying, and questioning my faith. Questioning life in general.

 I was raised with religion. My mother's family was Catholic. My father's Baptist. We were baptized, went to Sunday school and so on. Pita was raised Methodist. We have never attended church regularly, as service is too long for Liam.

    Each night before bed, from the time he could speak, Liam has said his prayers. When he was an infant, I said them for him. I too say prayers, and add special ones for those who need them. This isn't to say I don't sin. I cuss, sometimes like a sailor. But we are good people, and we are raising our son to be a good man. We believe....or so I thought.

    You see, when Liam cycles this far into his depressive mode, I question the existence of God. How could a man, so loving, so caring for those He created in His image, let one suffer so badly? Why are people murdered? Raped? Cancer? Mental Illness?

    I know, I know, we need the bad to appreciate the good. Seriously though. Today my son turned nine. There was no happiness. His father and I forced our smiles. Liam was blank and emotionless all day. We took him swimming and cray fishing, and his brain couldn't let him enjoy it. He didn't even eat his own cake because his stomach is so sick from this cycle. The sparkle that lights up his face is gone. Who could let someone suffer like that?

    But when I go to bed tonight, I will still pray. I will lay next to my son, listen to him say his prayers, and then I will silently beg God to help him through this cycle. To make it end sooner for him. I have to. If I don't have some sort of faith in something better, I won't have the strength to help my son through this.

    And before I close my eyes and attempt to get some sleep tonight, I will listen to this song. I won't let Bipolar Disorder ruin his life, or ours. I won't back down. Not ever.