Could Autism Parents Be Contributing To Narcissistic Adults?

     
 Cruising on Facebook this morning, and I saw the following headline trending:


  Children who are overvalued by their parents may develop narcissistic traits, according to a study


It made me think. As  special needs parents, everything my son does,we make a HUGE deal of it! You know what I'm talking about. He tried a new food, we do a victory dance. We reward with his favorite junk food. Writes his first sentence, reward and huge verbal display. Ties shoes for the first time, same thing. It goes on and on. Each milestone that some take for granted, we make a big spectacle of it for our son.


Could we be molding him into a Narcissist? You see, many of our children are left out by peers. They are socially awkward, and playing with NT children is hard because they play so differently. This bruises their egos. So it's our job to boost them up, right?


But what if we are wrong? Take a moment and consider this. Our autistic children are very blunt. They are direct and to the point. So, if we keep telling them how great they are, what hard workers they are, and so on, this could backfire on them in the future. It's not hard to fathom how that will play out when our children are around other children.


I have personally heard my son repeat some praises I gave him. When a particular neighbor bully called him the r-word, my son went on to tell him his IQ score and then ask him what his was. (He knew his IQ score from his latest school testing) The instant he was made to feel less because of his disorder, he pulled that sucker out like a
machete.


Also, when my son has been teased for being clumsy at sports, he'll spout off, "So I know more about computers and video games than my parents!" (Which by the way is true) This isn't how we want our son to be, and I'm assuming, you don't want your child to behave that way also.


Many of us advocates are reaching out to the world. We want them to know how special our children are. How special we are. But in that attempt, are we too sounding narcissistic?


So, while I think we do need to make the milestones our children reach a big deal, I think that maybe going about it differently, would be best. I'm still thinking of how to do that. All I know is, when my son starts to brag himself up around others, we stop him and tell him that no one likes a bragger.


We need to find the balance between ego stroking and narcissism....

A Mom's Insight on Pediatric Bipolar Disorder

My son is autistic. Autism is on the forefront of many media outlets nowadays, so you know what that is. He also suffers from a mental illness. I'm not talking about autism here. I'm talking about pediatric bipolar disorder.

I'm sure you've heard of it. You've probably even heard it joked about. Did you know it affects kids too? Well it does. It steals away moments of their childhood and rips out their parents hearts.

Children who suffer from BPD differ from that of most adults afflicted with it, because they cycle so rapidly. (Cycling is when they switch from mania to depression and so on) *refer to chart* These cycles can occur numerous times in one day.

Have you ever seen the meme that said, "How much do you charge for a ride on your mood swings?" I used to think that was funny. Now I find it offensive. Maybe because I watch my child swing between moods so frequently some days.

Here's the break down of mania vs depression:

Symptoms of mania include:

• euphoria (elevated mood)—silliness or elation that is inappropriate and impairing
• grandiosity
• flight of ideas or racing thoughts
• more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
• irritability or hostility when demands are not met
• excessive distractibility
• decreased need for sleep without daytime fatigue
• excessive involvement in pleasurable but risky activities (daredevil acts, hypersexuality)
• poor judgment
• hallucinations and psychosis

Symptoms of depression include:

•  lack of joy and pleasure in life
• withdrawal from activities formerly enjoyed 
• agitation and irritability
• pervasive sadness and/or crying spells
• sleeping too much or inability to sleep
• drop in grades or inability to concentrate
• thoughts of death and suicide
• fatigue or loss of energy
• feelings of worthlessness
• significant weight loss, weight gain or change in appetite

Being a woman, we know how mood swings can be. We live with PMS every month. But this is different. More extreme. A person/child with BPD will go from laughing, and incessantly talking your ear off, to angry, crying, screaming, and so on. They can become violent too. Take 3 or more of those symptoms above, and they happen all at one time. Then the child will cycle to other end. (refer back to arrow chart)

(Now add that to autism. It's quite explosive some times)

People have asked me if I was ever afraid OF my child. No. NEVER. I'm afraid FOR my child. Stereotypes. Negativity towards mental illness. Misinformation of these illnesses especially in children doesn't help either. 

My hope is that by reaching out, exposing myself, sharing our life, I can help spread the word. I hope that even ONE person reads this, and says, "I'm not ashamed of my mental illness!" So they can help by spreading the word. 

I want to help make that change for mental illness awareness. Pediatric mental illness awareness. 

My son is almost nine. We are starting to have more rough days than good. We're working on finding medications that help his BPD and don't hinder him in general. It's not easy. It's rough on him. Rough on us. We've been faced twice with the possibility of hospitalizing him. (once when he was 5 and last spring, he was 7) The nearest psychiatric hospital that can take children is FOUR hours away! So not only do we need more people speaking out about mental illness in children, we need more service providers in all areas. Parents facing the decision of having to admit their children to psychiatric hospital, shouldn't be faced with the worry of how far away it is. (That was a HUGE concern for us. My son has major anxiety issues and can't be away from me for any amount of time.)

I try to talk about BPD every chance I get. I try to reach out and let people know what it is. How it affects my son, myself and our family.  To protect him, and do his story justice, I ALWAYS ask what I can post, and what he wants to keep secret. He almost ALWAYS lets me post his "story" exactly how it happens. He's quite the advocate for a child.

But I find myself holding back. I ask myself why all the time. I'm a very upfront and blunt person. I hold back though because there is such a negative stereotype surrounding mental illness, and I'm afraid people will peg my son as something he's not. After all, first and foremost he's a little boy. A little boy with a lot on his plate, but a little boy none the less.

We've already dealt with bullies. Sometimes on a daily basis because of where we live. We had to pull him from school because they didn't have the patience to be kind to him. We've been in and out of therapies, social skills groups (autism) and so on. Through it all, he keeps on. He wears a smile and he is such a fun loving kid. He has taught me so much! On days where I can't take BPD any more, and I start to cry, I think of how it must feel for him. He has to fight his own mind. I don't. I just have to be there for him. I just have to be his mom.

 Whether or not you know someone afflicted with bipolar, try to educate yourself on it a bit. Teach your children to be kind and accepting of the kids that don't seem quite like them. Teach your children to speak kindly to everyone, no matter how different they seem. 

Also, if you think you or someone you love may be suffering with bipolar disorder, PLEASE speak to your doctor. Do not be afraid. Do not be ashamed. None of us are perfect. We all have a battle to fight, yours is just different than mine.

Hurting the very people you claim to advocate for is EVIL!

We're getting ready to head out on a MUCH needed vacation. We haven't had a real one in years and are so thankful we get this chance.

Those who follow us know what a ride the last few years have been. It's going to be great to relax and just enjoy each other and the ocean for a week!

But, I have a story to tell. Writing soothes my soul, and I need to get this out of my heart before I can move forward and enjoy myself and my family.

So here goes....

This happened yesterday. Someone I called friend. Someone I loved. Someone that claimed I was her friend. Someone that claimed to love me. Well she showed her true colors, and she proved I was never her friend.

I was starting to notice that this person was only having contact with me when she wanted info. I'm a straight up honest person, and she knows that. My aspie brain wants FACTS, not half truths. Not a run around! She would message me and in a sneaky way, be pumping me for info. THEN, she would act like she truly cared about my family and I,  after a  few questions, and once she got what she wanted, she wouldn't speak to me again.

Well yesterday I was awoken by yet another pm from her. Prying for more info. I was starting to get wise to her ways, as have other mothers she has done this too. She of course was wanting info. Then, when she realized I wasn't giving up anything, she was being more vague, telling me to forget it.

Look, if you come to me and say, "so and so said this about you." Or,  "so and so said you said this about me," you damn well better be able to tell me what I supposedly said. First of all, I don't make a habit of talking about others behind their back. If I say something about you to someone else, it's something I will say to your face!

When I finally had enough and caught her in a lie, and asked her to clarify, she UNFRIENDED and BLOCKED me!!!!!

That right there says guilt! I was crushed!

I sent screen shots to my friends. And what they said floored me. It was what I have been thinking for months, but didn't want to admit.

She was using my straight forward, aspie, literal way of thinking against me. Taking advantage of my honesty for her OWN AGENDA!!!!

That's right, I'm on the spectrum. She knows it! And she was using it for her own benefit!

Who does that? She's an autism parent!!!!! How would she feel is someone did that to her child????

I was broken yesterday. I even cried. Now today, I am livid!

She calls herself an advocate and instead she used someone that she claims to advocate for.....

And to back up all that happened, enjoy the screen shots. I'm in blue, she is in white.

So do me a favor. Have friends because you like them. because you relate to them. Because you were school friends. DON'T have friends for your own agenda. Also, ppl that you are friends with may be on the spectrum. Honor that. Support them. Don't use them.

I know you guys won't  But I feel it needs said.