Roll on Style with Fair Trade Artisan Bracelets

    With Mother's Day about a month away, now's the time to nail down a gift idea. How about some roll on, artisan bracelets from Sashka Co.? They go with anything, and can be worn even with jeans or yoga pants.

Roll on Style with Fair Trade Artisan Bracelets

    Sashka Co. bracelets are hand made with tiny glass beads by skilled artisans in the Kathmandu Valley of Nepal. When you purchase bracelets from Sashka Co. you're empowering women in need to rise above poverty and care for their families. So not only will you be getting your mom a gorgeous gift, but you'll be helping another mom across the country. 

Dress Up or Down

    There are so many reasons that moms will love the bracelets from Sashka Co. One of which is she can wear them for a long overdue night on the town, or daily with jeans, sweats or yoga pants. I rarely go anywhere other than doctor appointments or to get groceries, but I wear my Sashka Co. bracelets everyday. 

    They're so versatile. With a bunch of different colors and coordinating patterns, you can mix and match them all.

Causes Near and Dear to my Heart

    It's Autism Awareness Month! Sashka Co. knows how important this month is to our kids and families, so they released new Autism Awareness Bracelets. These make the perfect gift for the autism mom on your list!

I pair mine with this lovely rainbow bracelet because Autism is a spectrum!

    They didn't just stop there! Sashka Co. also has a wide array of awareness bracelets for other conditions. Each one has little ribbons in the pattern, made from the glass beads. With a wide selection of colors, you're going to find a ribbon for just about any cause. I chose a purple one for Fibromylagia awareness, a green one for mental illness, and teal for OCD awareness. (I have fibro, and Liam is autistic with mental illness, OCD, and more.) 

I Love Sashka Co. and She Will Too!

    As you can see, I'm in love with Sashka Co. Not only are their bracelets and earrings absolutely beautiful, but they're helping other moms in need. You can't beat that! There's about a month until Mom's big day, so head to Sashka Co. and start shopping!

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Be Thankful 365 Days, NOT Just 30....

    If you told me twenty years ago, that this is where I'd be today, I'd have punched you in your eating hole, for daring to speak such nastiness. (I was a rough chick back then. I was kind, and I was fair, but I took sh!t from no one. I always had the under dog's back. I once bloodied a class mates face when he screamed and called me a whore in front of our entire class at lunch. All because I wouldn't let him cheat off my Literature exam. I once popped a boyfriend in the mouth in math class because he kept poking me in the ribs. I had asked him so many times to stop and he wouldn't listen. Finally I told him if he did it again, I would give him a fat lip. He did it again. Our substitute teacher told him, "She warned you. I think you had that coming. Now go to the nurse." )

    I digress. So ten years ago, had you told me this would be my life, I would have ignored you and probably not spoken to you again. I was blissfully unaware of the trials and tribulations that would become my life. I lived in my bubble of happiness and if you tried to burst it, I would do my best to distance myself from you.

               Now before you jump me for being a whiner, calm down and keep reading!

   ( I'm a very positive person. My glass is almost always half full (of coffee,) but I will NEVER sugar coat the life we have lived and continue to live. We all have struggles. I know this. I also know that even on our worst days, we're lucky. We still have MUCH to be thankful for. But that doesn't make those bad days hurt any less. Much like a paper cut, in the crease of your finger, those awful days will continue to burn and sting my heart, until I push them out of my mind.)

    I had my miracle child. The baby they told me I would probably never had. We had our first home. Hubby had a decent paying job. All was right with the world. Or so I thought. We had recently moved back home after hurricane Katrina devastated the south. We were thankful we had our lives and the few belongings we owned. To say we were annoyingly happy, is probably an understatement.

    Then, one thing after another started stealing the wind from our sails, and knocking us on our arses. It didn't matter how hard we clawed and grasped for that proverbial ladder, we just kept falling right back down it. We didn't give up. We fought harder. Hubby broke his back. He lost his job. We had to look to the state for help. Liam was a handful. Even at only 6 months, he gave me a run for my money. I didn't know any better, he was (and still is) my first baby. I was clueless. Without boring you with a TON of details that I don't feel like rehashing, the short and sweet version, is that life was going to hell in a hand basket.

    I remember in the thick of it, my mom mentioned she thought Liam had autism. I remember seething with rage. I was uneducated. I had only ever experienced children with severe autism. That wasn't my son. As a matter of fact, we didn't speak for a year. That's how angry I was. Liam was around 15-18 months at that time. He quit eating. He wouldn't let anyone touch him. He would line up his baby cars just so, and if you tried to touch them to play, he would freak out. I just thought it was a phase. It wasn't.

    Jump ahead to 2010. Liam was diagnosed with Autism. We were gobsmacked. I had to call my mother and tell her she was right. (The blasphemy!) The years to follow would become even more tumultuous. At that point though, we were at rock bottom.

    But then I educated myself. I read every book I could get my hands on about autism. (Thank you ABOARD's Autism Connection of Pa for your FREE library!) I got online and "met" other parents like myself. I fought endlessly for therapies, and school rights. I started to home school Liam. I started my Facebook page for support and to support others. Things were looking up.

    Then they went right back down. Those of you with a loved one on the spectrum know, there are great days, weeks, even months. Then things get worse. But for Liam, it wasn't "typical" autism rough patches. We had to seek more opinions. In 2014 he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. His actual diagnoses are now, Autism, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, and SPD. How much can one little boy and his family take?

     The answer is a lot! Here I am, finally to the point of all my rambling on. There are days I don't understand how my boy can survive. How he can fight through those inner demons and smile another day. Some days I don't know if I am strong enough to help him conquer these demons. Some times I wonder how he'll ( or we'll ) make it through.

    But we always do. We may live in a small trailer. We may have no money. (Hubby is STILL fighting for his benefits.) My son, my husband and myself may have more diagnoses than an entire wing in a hospital, but we're alive. We have a roof over our heads. We have loving family. We have great friends (some of which live in here, the interwebs,) We have amazing senses of humor. Most importantly, we have each other.

    So as you scroll through your feed this November, and you see everyone doing their thankful 30, take a moment, and think of what you're thankful about. Then, continue to do this the other 335 days of the year. You can let yourself have a bad day or ten. You can be angry at the curve balls life throws at you sometimes, but bottom line, look to the things you DO have. If you spend more time dwelling on the good, the bad won't seem so bad after all.

Multiple Miscarriages and a Miracle Baby

    So the Mighty has asked their readers what their greatest gift has been. I could say the laptop from my parents that I am typing this on. I could say my awesome phone generously provided by my inlaws. I could say a roof over my head and my family and friends.

    While they are all AMAZING gifts, I have to say the best is my son. Yeah yeah, I know. You've probably all heard that before, but wait. My story is different.

    I have been through 7 miscarriages. Yes, you read that right. SEVEN. The first one was about 16 weeks along. The other 6 were before 11 weeks. Spontaneous Abortions is how Doctors refer to them. I hate that term. I didn't CHOOSE to lose those babies. My body did, and it ripped my heart out every.single.time.

   It got to the point where my doctor told me, I may never be able to carry a child to term. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts at the age of 13 and struggled with them, but other than that, they couldn't find anything medically wrong with me.

    Until Liam. Liam was conceived during Hurricane Katrina. Yep, you read that right too. No power for days, equals bored people! I found out on my brother's birthday that I was pregnant. I was scared to death.

    I made an appointment to see an OB/Gyn. As soon as I told them of my previous miscarriages, I was scheduled to see a high risk OB/Gyn. I had every test under the sun. While we waited on results, I was told to take it easy. At 9 weeks I started to bleed and was rushed to the ER.

   My husband and my best friend in tow, we waited for what seemed like hours, when it was merely one. They brought in an ultrasound machine. Here I am, feet in stirrups, a Doctor, a nurse, the US tech, my hubby and best friend at my feet. The Dr. is talking all hush hush. I can feel panic start to course through my body. My hubby and my best friend are standing there with their mouths agape. NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHAT'S GOING ON.....

    Then I hear one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. I hear his heart beat. It sounds like a train roaring down the tracks. I am sent home on bed rest, and after going over all my testing, they tell me I have a clotting disorder. They send hubby to the pharmacy for aspirin and tell me to take it every morning until 32 weeks.

    Aspirin! Aspirin saved my pregnancy! I went to a high risk OB/GYN weekly through my pregnancy.  Hubby rented me a hospital grade dopplar, so I could check the baby's heart beat every day. I was on bed rest, and if I wasn't throwing up, I was chilling out.

    When we moved from Alabama back to Pa, I had to find a new Dr. By this time I was 20 weeks in. The new high risk was quite a drive, as we live in a very rural area. So I only saw him every other week. Long story short, I delivered around 36 weeks. I became pre eclamptic and had to be induced. But other than that, it was a normal delivery and I had a beautiful baby boy to be thankful for.

    He wasn't a Christmas gift though, he was actually my mother's day gift that year, as I had him just 2 days before. (Though we moved home in December and we drew a bow on my tummy and presented it as our gift to our parents.) I bawled like a baby when they laid his little body on my chest. I silently thanked God for this miracle.

    So now you know my story, or at least part of it. If you follow us on facebook, you know my boy is autistic, struggles with biploar disorder, SPD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, and anxiety. You also know I embrace him and all his quirkiness. This is why!

     I don't care if he's autistic. I don't care that he struggles with all these labels. (I mean, I do, but I don't love him any less.) I care that he is mine.

     So when I hear people say they hate that their child is autistic, I get angry. Not because I don't think you have valid feelings. Let's face it, your journey is different than mine. I hate it, because I know there are other women and men out there who want nothing more than a child to love. We have that. We were given that blessing. Even though our journeys are hard, we still have them. We have something they long to have. We have something to be thankful for.


    You see, my greatest gift didn't come from a store. It isn't a thing. My greatest gift is my son, and I will always treasure him. Through the good, the bad and the ugly days of autism and bipolar. He is my "Miracle Man!"

To medicate or NOT to medicate

WE ARE USING MEDICATIONS~

Yes, you read that right. the mother who was vehemently against medicating children, has put her child on meds.

I was always against medicating my son. He was diagnosed with ADHD before he was diagnosed with Autism, and I told the pediatrician from the get go, NO MEDS.

As the years have gone by and as I have watched my child struggle, pita and I started to actually entertain the idea....

I still wasn't sure. That's a BIG step. But when Liam had his last manic episode, and our choice was inpatient over 2 hours away or home with an appt with the child psychiatrist, the realization was that medicine was going to need to be administered.

It was with heavy hearts that we accepted a script for Concerta, and one for Hydroxyzine for Liam. We were told that these are the first step. If they don't work it will be Zoloft, and then maybe even anti psychotics. So we started with the lesser of evils.

I was nauseous when I gave him his meds that first day. I watched him like a hawk. I mean seriously, Liam kept asking me to stop staring at him!

                               That day I saw a miracle.

  My son was concentrating. He was staying on task. He was playing something for more than 10 minutes at a time. He wasn't angry. He wasn't having constant meltdowns. He wasn't stimming constantly. We weren't walking on egg shells. (note: I don't mind that he stims, but sometimes he gets carried away (head banging) and I do fear it will hurt him)

We went from three meltdowns a day to maybe 3 a WEEK! Instead of bursts of anger, he cries. (I don't like to see him crying, but it beats keeping him from banging his head off the walls when he is upset)

I was afraid to actually come forth and admit that I too, was giving my son medication. So many people look down on those that medicate their children. I myself hated to hear that children were being put on Ritalin or Adderall. I didn't condemn anyone for it, but I hated to hear it. In my mind it was like people were giving their children legal cocaine. How could that be healthy?

And then my son went down hill. so fast in fact, that we really had no other choice. It was then that I realized that these medications are made to HELP our children. His doctor wasn't just throwing a script at us and rushing us out of his office. He was reaching out and telling us what he thought would help our son lead a happy, healthy life.

We just went today for a medication check up and when we told Dr. S all the good that has come from these two medications, he was smiling from ear to ear. He said that sadly, he doesn't always hear that it helps a child like this. He was genuinely happy that Liam is doing so well. We are happy. Liam is happy.

While I still believe wholeheartedly that medication should ALWAYS be last resort, I am now embracing it.

Not for me. Not for my life, but for him and for his life. He is happy. He is healthy. He is thriving.

My job as his mother is to make sure of that.

(I am NOT a doctor. I am NOT saying medication is the right step for ANYONE or ANY CHILD. I am saying that it should be last resort, but as parents, we shouldn't feel guilty for helping our children have better lives)

Stifle

Those that follow us on Facebook know that a few months ago Liam was almost hospitalized. Thankfully he wasn't, but it was close.

Afterwards we got him in to see a child psychiatrist whom diagnosed him as Bipolar, ODD, OCD tendencies and Anxiety. All of this on top of Autism, ADHD, and SPD.

This was a very hard time for him, and for us as his parents. I still haven't let myself fully absorb the feelings associated with his depressive episode. I can't. I just can't.

Last night Liam was sitting on my lap, rare for him now that he is getting older. I was thinking about other families I know, who have recently had to hospitalize their autistic children. The flood of memories from Liam's episode became so grandiose I couldn't contain them.

These words were flowing through my mind, so I quickly typed them into my phone so I could remember them today.

Stifle

I stifle the feelings,
The memories, the thoughts.
I think of his courage.
How hard he had fought.

I couldn't give in.
I couldn't shed tears.
He needed my strength
To conquer his fears.

Feeling so helpless, useless, alone.
I shut down my mind.
My heart like a stone.

Still I stifle.
I push away the pain.
I bury the memories;
The heartbreak, the disdain.

I'm afraid to give in.
Afraid to feel.
I fear recurrence.
I fear he won't heal.

Just one little boy.
How much can he take?
How much can he bear?
How long til he breaks?

I stifle my breath.
I mutter a prayer.
I stifle the pain,
Layer by layer.

~Courtney B

My childhood therapist was right. It feels good to get that out. Even if it is in the form of poetry. The release is enlightening.
                                                              <3 <3 <3 <3