Smudge it Away

    I'm a firm believer that natural is better. That being said, yes, we do medicate our son. Because when his depressive cycles got so severe, he needed something more. Now, we have found a balance between natural and medical. We smudge it away, and it seems to be working wonders for my son.

Smudge it Away

    I first discovered Sage Smudging when I was a paranormal investigator with a local group. We often talked about this option with clients, so I was well versed in it calming properties. As my son started to get older, and his symptoms of depression and anxiety deepened, it dawned on me that maybe sage could help him too.

    Guess what? It did. However, we all love the smell of fresh sage, but once it's burning, it really doesn't smell that great. That's why I am so excited to share this Sage Smudge Spray from MoonWater Elixirs with you all.

Smells Amazing and Eases Mind, Body, and Soul

    As soon as my Sage Smudge Spray came, I immediately had to smell it. Let me tell you, it's fantastic! My son struggles with olfactory overload thanks to Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder, so I was curious as to what he would think about it. He loves it too, and immediately sprayed some in the air, and then walked through the mist. 

    However, this spray isn't just special because it smells divine. It's special because of it's ingredients. MoonWater Elixirs, uses planetary alignment, the Moon, and reiki healing to curate the spring water in their spray. There is Sage essential oil, and even a piece of charged crystal in each bottle of Sage Smudge Spray.

Clear the Air

    Feeling like you're in a rut? Is your home full of tension? If so, then give Sage a try. You may think it's hokey, but I am here to tell you, it helps. My son has been using sage to help him since he was seven. He's now twelve, and we still use it. As I said, we don't care for the smell of it once it's been burnt, so MoonWater Elixir's spray is so much better for our family.

     Mist it around your room. Spray your pillows. Use it as a body spray. Either way you choose to do it, you can relax and enjoy the fresh, positive feeling it brings to you. Even your fur babies will enjoy the calming properties of the Sage Smudge Spray.

HOW ABOUT 50% OFF? Use code 18854COU at checkout!

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Roll on Style with Fair Trade Artisan Bracelets

    With Mother's Day about a month away, now's the time to nail down a gift idea. How about some roll on, artisan bracelets from Sashka Co.? They go with anything, and can be worn even with jeans or yoga pants.

Roll on Style with Fair Trade Artisan Bracelets

    Sashka Co. bracelets are hand made with tiny glass beads by skilled artisans in the Kathmandu Valley of Nepal. When you purchase bracelets from Sashka Co. you're empowering women in need to rise above poverty and care for their families. So not only will you be getting your mom a gorgeous gift, but you'll be helping another mom across the country. 

Dress Up or Down

    There are so many reasons that moms will love the bracelets from Sashka Co. One of which is she can wear them for a long overdue night on the town, or daily with jeans, sweats or yoga pants. I rarely go anywhere other than doctor appointments or to get groceries, but I wear my Sashka Co. bracelets everyday. 

    They're so versatile. With a bunch of different colors and coordinating patterns, you can mix and match them all.

Causes Near and Dear to my Heart

    It's Autism Awareness Month! Sashka Co. knows how important this month is to our kids and families, so they released new Autism Awareness Bracelets. These make the perfect gift for the autism mom on your list!

I pair mine with this lovely rainbow bracelet because Autism is a spectrum!

    They didn't just stop there! Sashka Co. also has a wide array of awareness bracelets for other conditions. Each one has little ribbons in the pattern, made from the glass beads. With a wide selection of colors, you're going to find a ribbon for just about any cause. I chose a purple one for Fibromylagia awareness, a green one for mental illness, and teal for OCD awareness. (I have fibro, and Liam is autistic with mental illness, OCD, and more.) 

I Love Sashka Co. and She Will Too!

    As you can see, I'm in love with Sashka Co. Not only are their bracelets and earrings absolutely beautiful, but they're helping other moms in need. You can't beat that! There's about a month until Mom's big day, so head to Sashka Co. and start shopping!

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Snappy Self Care for Special Needs Parents

     I just had a REAL bath for the first time this week! It was glorious! I feel so clean, so refreshed.

     I know you're wondering why today was the first time all week that I've taken a bath. Well, simply put, my child has been in crisis mode since Monday. Suicide watch takes all of your time. 

    If you're a parent, you know that sometimes bathing or other self care gets put on the back burner. When you're a special needs parent, it often gets pushed further back. If you don't get respite, or you have to be with your child 24/7, taking a bath isn't feasible.

    So while I was laying there, actually soaking away a weeks worth of worries and scum, it dawned on me that I should share with you, my tips for self care when you have no time. These are seriously things that when my child is in crisis mode, I can't live without.

1.) Dry Shampoo

    When I first heard of dry shampoo I couldn't understand why anyone would need it. Then I realized, how many times I haven't been able to take fifteen minutes away from my child to wash my hair. In the event that you have to leave the house for a therapy appointment, or worse yet, an emergency room visit, you don't want greasy, nasty hair. At that moment, you feel horrible enough. You don't need another thing to weigh you down. So grab some dry shampoo. Trust me. It works and in a pinch, you'll just feel better.

2.) Baby Wipes

     I think from the time we have babies, baby wipes should always remain in our homes. They're good for so many things. These made my list because let's face it, if you don't have time to wash your hair, then you don't have time to shower or bathe. Break out the baby wipes. In a matter of minutes you can wash down your body, which will help you to feel better. Also, you don't want to stink if you have to leave the house.

3.) Facial Wipes

    When you're worn out and your face is feeling and looking greasy, you want to clean it. You don't have time to fuss around with facial products. However, if you have cleansing or toning facial wipes on hand, you can quickly clean away that dirt and oil. (Hey, it might keep you from breaking out from the stress too!)

4.) Mini Toothbrushes

    Okay, so I really don't know what these are actually called. They're tiny toothbrushes with toothpaste in them. You can find them at the Dollar Tree, and there's actually a bunch of different brands. All I know is when I can't leave my child's side, and my mouth tastes like butt, and my teeth feel gross, these things are a Godsend. Keep them on hand, you'll thank me for it.

    FOUR things. That's it! 

    These four things are my personal arsenal for when my son is in crisis mode. (Side note, COFFEE! I mean, I'm never without that, so I didn't feel the need to add it.) If your life is similar to ours, then stock up on these items. Self care is important, but we don't always have time for it. These save time, and will make you physically feel better.

#HELP The Word We Need to Know is Okay to Say

You guys! I was finally starting to pull out of my funk, and give this page more attention.... and then I heard about Chester Bennington.'s death.

I was sitting in the office of my son's mental health psychiatrist when I read it. Tears immediately filled my eyes.

When we got out to the car, I told Beans I had something sad to tell him. I started to play Crawling, ("his song" more on that later) and told him that Chester had died. I even told him how police reported he died.

Because #mentalhealth needs to be spoken about.

He put his little head down, and said, "my gosh mama. that's awful!" he was silent for awhile.

Here's the thing. Did I know Chester? No (but man do I wish I did.) I didn't even get to see him live. But I bought Linkin Park's first album the day it went on sale, and I was hooked.

Something about Chester spoke to me. The way he sang, the words he screamed. It was like someone could finally see their way through my muddled mind.

My son has been listening to them since he was just a little baby. When he was old enough to articulate some feelings, he shocked me.

We were in the car (probably going to some therapy appointment) and Crawling was playing from my iPod (remember the colorful gen 2's? sorry #adhd )

He said, "mama, this is my bad thoughts song. It's like my brain."

Right there I knew the #mentalillness monster was in my son.

Right then, before the actual #bipolardisorder diagnosis, I knew it wasn't just #autism.

I digress. Bear with me, there is a point here.

So anyway, I'm in a major funk again. Every time I see Chester's face in my feed, my heart enters my throat. I am gobsmacked, and heart broken.

To know that that man, with the gorgeous wife, six precious kids, an amazing musical career, and more, felt he had no other choice....

He felt so alone....

so broken....

that he felt taking his own life was the only way to truly be free....

it's horrific....

and I don't want anyone, ever to feel that way.

So here's my point.

If YOU ever feel that way, PLEASE message my page.

(I know my friends are thinking "SHE NEVER ANSWERS MY MESSAGES! Guys! I love you! I promise! I'm just super busy.)

Message me ONE WORD.

One four letter word.

Message me HELP

And as soon as I see it, I will be there, will bells on.

I don't do phone calls because of anxiety, but I will chat with you, and I will put you in touch with someone in YOUR AREA to help you.

I promise.

Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how famous we are.

It doesn't matter how much money we have (which is good because I have NONE)

It doesn't matter what kind of car we drive.

What matters is the mark we leave on the world.

The people we help.

The love we share.

Mental illness doesn't discriminate either.

None of those things matter to that monster.

So if I can only do one thing in my life, as long as it's helping someone in need, then I am fulfilled.

So please, HELP is all you need to say.

as a matter of fact, let's hashtag it. Because it seems all the "important" words are hashtagged.

#HELP if you need it, I will be there.

If you feel like you could join this movement, then by all means, comment, share, or what ever. Just look out for one another, okay?

Just #Help each other

The System is Failing Our Children

How is it that the systems put in place to help or protect our children are actually failing them? 

    We live in Pennsylvania. Liam was diagnosed on the spectrum six years ago. (In the years following, many diagnoses would follow.) At that time, our state case worker suggested we file for SSDI. We have filed, been denied, appealed, been denied, on and off for those six years.

    This year when we went into our caseworker to review his benefits we were told to file again. We called the SSI office and asked for paperwork. In the meantime, I get this letter in the mail.

   Okay, so first of all, what in the heck is the DAP and why in God's name have I just now been informed of it? We've been battling the state for Liam's rights for SIX years. All this time the Disability Advocacy Program of Pa never once stepped in. Not once.

    Suddenly, here they are, telling me if I DON'T file for him that I AM IN VIOLATION. What about them? As you can see, they clearly state that "Liam is considered a person with Disabilities." Yet, year after year, case after case, this very state denies him.

    Now let that sink in.

    I would be in violation for not filing, but they aren't for denying? How does that work? So last night, I spent a couple more hours filling out the same forms, and booklets that I have done in the past. All for them to tell me he isn't "disabled enough."

    Okay. Then why can't he attend a traditional school? Why are you, the state of Pa, helping to pay for me to not work, in order to care for, and to school him myself? Why does his school have him in numerous therapies for Speech, OT, and PT. How can you deny the fact that NUMEROUS doctors have diagnosed him with so many conditions, three of which automatically qualify him for SSDI?

    Why is it that systems put in place to help our children, aren't. (Remember, we've been filing for six years, and just NOW we're being told there's an agency that helps with that.) Yet, the only help they have given is to tell me I could be in violation. Gee, thanks Pennsylvania!

    Our children fight so hard to find their place in this world. They fight to over come their obstacles, and to face their challenges. As parents, we help them with these battles. We also try our very best to make sure all of their needs are met. Yet, the systems put in place to help them, don't. Instead they fail them, and us as well.

   

   

We Don’t Walk on Sunshine We Walk on Eggshells

Let me preface this with a disclaimer.

Neither I, nor my son, his father, or any of our family are looking for pity. What we are looking for is to educate the masses that mental illness DOES affect children. It also affects their families.

Tomorrow is the Vernal Equinox. (By the time this posts, it will be passed the VE.) We’re already experiencing longer days. That alone throws many of us for a loop. Especially Autism families. For families like ours, it’s something more.

If you’ve followed us for any amount of time, you know that my son is Autistic. He also lives with Pediatric Bipolar Disorder. I’ve spoken written many times about his major depressive cycles. As a matter of fact, the big one is right around the corner. That’s what Spring brings to our family each year.

However, I don’t believe I’ve ever written about his manic cycles. At least not in depth, nor on this blog. Which brings me to why I’m sitting here writing tonight. At the moment, my son is quietly playing with his action figures. This is the longest I have seen him sit still in days.

If you’re familiar with Autism, you know many Autistics don’t tend to sit still for long. They stim too. My son does both, but when he’s in a Manic cycle, they’re more extreme. I used to tell people that while I loathe Bipolar Disorder, I would take a Manic Cycle over a depressive one any day of the week. That changed this weekend.

Until just yesterday, I have never noticed what an extreme Manic episode was. You see, when my son (and many others) are in (what I thought to be a) manic cycle, they’re uber happy. They tend to talk non-stop, whether it makes sense or not. They ramble on, going from one topic to the next, and rarely stop for air. (I’m not exaggerating.) When you add Autism into the mix, stimming is virtually non-stop as well. My son doesn’t sit still at all when he’s manic (hypomanic.) Sleep is nil. It lasts for a few days or so. Many would look at my son during this time and think of Autism and ADHD.  So as you can see, this would be preferable to watching your loved one so depressed that they can’t function. As I recently learned, this in fact tends to be more of a hypomanic cycle.

Until yesterday I have only ever seen my son in a hypomanic cycle. I had yet to witness full blown mania. Without going into specifics and embarrassing my son, let me explain it in a way that I can still protect his privacy.

My son went from the above “symptoms,” to a grandiose version of them. Then suddenly, he snapped. Something so little, so trivial, sent him over the edge. I’ve seen my son have so many meltdowns, that they really don’t even phase me anymore, but this, this was different. Writing this right now is making me sick, but this, this was terrifying.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look in his eyes. His face read rage, fear, and utter lack of any idea of what was happening. Liam’s father wasn’t here. It was just him, my older (step) son, and myself.

This outburst (for lack of a better term) was directed at his brother. I was reprimanding Liam for something, and he saw his brother smile. That was it. That was all it took. He was on him like a feral dog on his first meal in weeks. Before my mind could fully process what was happening, I jumped up and yanked him off his brother, put him on the floor, and applied some of my weight for pressure.

He was screaming, but in just a few moments I saw MY SON come back to me. (You see, THAT wasn’t my son.) His body hitched with tears and I let him up. He ran into the kitchen and hid in a corner.

It took a bit for me to calm him down. I did what I always do after he has a meltdown. I let him tell me what he needs. (Which happened to be some squeezing and singing.) He kept repeating that it wasn’t his fault. That WE are bad and made him angry. That isn’t my boy. My boy always owns up to his actions. He always tells on himself if he does something naughty. But last night…. last night he blamed us. After that, he went straight into self loathing.

He kept repeating that he was “bad,” and “no good.” When he was more calm, I offered him a drink, “I can’t have a drink because I don’t deserve to drink.” My heart was breaking. I kept reassuring him that he wasn’t any of those things. My older son just sat on the couch, completely dumbfounded and shocked at what happened in a split second.

We both talked to him about it. We told Liam that we understand HE wasn’t in control. That he wasn’t in trouble, BUT that he HAD to try his very best to be in control. He went back to being hyper, stimmy, and talking.

A few hours later it happened again. This time because they were having a Nerf war, and his brother hit him with a dart. Within thirty minutes the whole situation was better. My husband came home. The only way he knew something horrible has happened was the looks on mine and our older son’s face. Liam was just playing and being Liam.

When Liam left the room I cried. I bawled and tried to explain what happened to my husband. Snot and tears were flying. I’ve rarely seen a clueless and helpless look on his face, but last night, that’s all he wore. Today we all have walked on eggshells. For fear of another manic outburst, or him delving to the bottom of a depressive cycle.

I know many may read this and think, “you’re the parents, you’re in control, not him!” The truth is, NONE of us are. Right now, Bipolar Disorder is in control.

So, tomorrow morning we’re putting in a crisis call to his doctor. We need to make a plan. We need to find new ways to help our son, because he, and us, do NOT deserve to live like this.

Edited to add: As of today he is doing much better. An appointment has been made with an emergency plan if need be.

According to Big Lots My Son is the Bad Kind of Crazy

    Tis the season! We are being bombarded with holiday shopping commercials. With Black Friday less than a week away, they are everywhere! I've personally been stuck on the Hallmark Channel and enjoying the sappy Christmas movies. That is until I heard Big Lots new commercial.

I went from happy holiday spirit, to shock, to anger, to sadness. 

Here's the video.... CLICK HERE

    "I went crazy in a good way...."

    ....As opposed to what other kind? Bad????

     I don't sugar coat my son's struggles with mental illness, but I sure as hell don't support furthering the stigma surrounding mental illness.

    Before you stop reading and think, "ugh! People are too sensitive! I'm tired of being so politically correct!" Think of this, CHILDREN suffer from mental illness. Do you think they, or adults, would like to be called "crazy?"

    By saying things like "good crazy," you're in fact adding to the fear and stigmas that surround those affected by mental illness. It's not about PC. It's about being a decent human being. It's about caring. It's about being respectful.

    We all know it's not okay to use the n word. Many of us are working on teaching people not to use the r word too. Well, as a mother of a child with special needs AND mental illness, I implore you not to use crazy as an adjective to describe someone. It's hurtful and demeaning.

    My son saw the video just a bit ago, which sparked the reason for this post. In my ten year old son's words, "I hate when people say crazy! It's not nice. I'm not crazy! I just have problems! Why are people so mean mama?"

    There you have it. From the mouths of babes....

    I'm reaching out to all of you, and to Big Lots too, STOP using "crazy" as an adjective!

For those of you whom like me, agree that crazy is a form of ableism, and actually care to find words to replace it, check out this post from What Privilege.

According to Big Lots My Son is the Bad Kind of Crazy

    Tis the season! We are being bombarded with holiday shopping commercials. With Black Friday less than a week away, they are everywhere! I've personally been stuck on the Hallmark Channel and enjoying the sappy Christmas movies. That is until I heard Big Lots new commercial.

I went from happy holiday spirit, to shock, to anger, to sadness. 

Here's the video....

https://www.facebook.com/biglots/videos/2186529718061587/

    ....As opposed to what other kind? Bad????

     I don't sugar coat my son's struggles with mental illness, but I sure as hell don't support furthering the stigma surrounding mental illness.

    Before you stop reading and think, "ugh! People are too sensitive! I'm tired of being so politically correct!" Think of this, CHILDREN suffer from mental illness. Do you think they, or adults, would like to be called "crazy?"

    By saying things like "good crazy," you're in fact adding to the fear and stigmas that surround those affected by mental illness. It's not about PC. It's about being a decent human being. It's about caring. It's about being respectful.

    We all know it's not okay to use the n word. Many of us are working on teaching people not to use the r word too. Well, as a mother of a child with special needs AND mental illness, I implore you not to use crazy as an adjective to describe someone. It's hurtful and demeaning.

    In my ten year old son's words, "I hate when people say crazy! It's not nice. I'm not crazy! I just have problems!"

    I'm reaching out to all of you, and to Big Lots too, STOP using "crazy" as an adjective!

For those of you whom like me, agree that crazy is a form of ableism, and actually care to find words to replace it, check out this post from What Privilege.

We Use CBD Oil to Help Our Autistic Bipolar Son

    Medical Marijuana is widely talked about now a days. There seems to be a wide divide of people whom accept the idea, and those who think it's just a gateway to legalizing all drugs.

    While I don't necessarily have an issue with the latter group of people, I want to reach out to them, and I hope this clears some things up for them. I also want to reach out to families like ours. Families that struggle with pediatric mental illness and more.

    First of all, Medical Marijuana was recently legalized in our state. However, doctors here can't yet prescribe it. Autism is on the list of conditions, but, we made our decision about a year ago not to wait.

    Now before you get your panties in a bunch thinking we let our 10 year old smoke pot, calm down, and read on.

    A year ago, we made the decision to try CBD oil with our son. For those that aren't quite familiar with what it is, or for those who are curious, CBD, or Cannabidiol oil is derived from Hemp, but does NOT include THC. THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol is the component in Marijuana that is responsible for it's psychological effects.

    So CBD is made from Hemp. It's NON psychoactive and will NOT get the user "high." Though CBD and THC both act very differently, they treat many of the same medical issues.

    CBD has been known to help with anxiety, pain, psychosis, as an anti-inflammatory, anticonvulsant and more.

    So how did we decide this for our CHILD?

    Well it wasn't without a LOT of thought. A lot of research, and we both tried it before we administered it to our child.

    I personally suffer from fibromyalgia, migraines, and anxiety, so I was the first to try it. (CBD can be used in a vapor pen/box for adults, and it can also be taken orally, for kids/adults. As a matter of fact, they now have it in many flavors.) I waited until I had a nasty headache and tried it. Sure enough within 15 minutes, my headache was easing up. I then tried it before a particularly busy day of "peopling." Again, my anxiety stayed in check a lot better than normal. (I take Zoloft for my anxiety, but some days, as many of you know, are worse than others.)

    Of course, through this process, I was relaying how well it helped me to my hubby. It was his turn next. He suffers from many fractures, and has a ton of metal in his body from repair surgeries. So my husband gave it go for his pain. For him, while it took the edge off, it of course didn't take it a way. BUT, it DID help. So, should we give it to our child?

    Our child struggles deeply with Bipolar Disorder. He is autistic as well, and sometimes the two make the other worse. Some days are a constant battle for our son. Especially in the Spring. What finally helped us make the decision to try CBD with him, was after we had to take him to ER for a reaction to a PRESCRIBED medication.

    Last year during his deep depression, my son's Doctor told us he thought Liam needed Risperdal. About a week later, on his birthday non the less, we headed to the ER because our son had a reaction to this prescribed, and widely used drug.

    There is nothing scarier than your child having suicidal thoughts at such a young age. Now add to that a child who has his head turned to one side. He is now speaking from the side of his mouth, as the other side is paralyzed. He related that his "throat was fat, and wouldn't work," and he was twitching. Oh God, the twitching. We were terrified. We thought our nine year old was having a stroke. Turns out it was Tardive Dyskinesia. (Risperidone may rarely cause a condition known as tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, this condition may be permanent.)

    Mind you, a LEGAL DRUG caused this reaction in our child. Not only do hospitals in our area have a hard time dealing with pediatric mental illness, but they are also clueless about the reactions that can come from such drugs used treat these illnesses. He was given antihistamines, watched for an hour and sent home.

    That evening my husband and I decided that something natural would be much safer than heavy psychotics. We gave our son a few days to recover, and gave him his first dose of CBD oil.

    We never looked back. Now, our son is still on a low dose of Zoloft for his depression and anxiety, and for the day to day, it helps him tons. When he cycles deeply or is unusually anxious, out comes the CBD oil.

    It helps him. It REALLY helps him. As with me, within 15 minutes of taking this perfectly LEGAL and NATURAL oil, he starts to feel better. He tells us, his "mind is less busy, and not mean to me."

    Until now, NO ONE but a few family members, and very close friends whose children have the same struggles, know we use CBD for our son. Even though it's perfectly legal, there are still some people who are uneducated about what it really is and how it helps. These same people tend to be very judgmental about it as well.

    So why I am I telling all of you this? Well, because I have always been up front and honest with my followers about our journey. I feel that if it helped our son so much, then maybe it can help yours too.

    I personally would love to see Risperdal pulled from all pharmacies, but it actually does help some people. I would just hate to see parents have to witness what we did. And I would hate to see a child struggle with those severe effects, like our son did.

    So here I am. I'm coming out. We Use CBD Oil to Help Our Autistic Bipolar Son. It works. It has been a God send. We are not ashamed, and we will not hide it any longer.