Valentine's Day Gift Guide 2017

 

    Check it out! A link up of things we think you all will love. Whether you're looking for Valentine's Day gift ideas for your kids or spouse, check here to see what we like!

Please do not add links without contacting me first!

The System is Failing Our Children

How is it that the systems put in place to help or protect our children are actually failing them? 

    We live in Pennsylvania. Liam was diagnosed on the spectrum six years ago. (In the years following, many diagnoses would follow.) At that time, our state case worker suggested we file for SSDI. We have filed, been denied, appealed, been denied, on and off for those six years.

    This year when we went into our caseworker to review his benefits we were told to file again. We called the SSI office and asked for paperwork. In the meantime, I get this letter in the mail.

   Okay, so first of all, what in the heck is the DAP and why in God's name have I just now been informed of it? We've been battling the state for Liam's rights for SIX years. All this time the Disability Advocacy Program of Pa never once stepped in. Not once.

    Suddenly, here they are, telling me if I DON'T file for him that I AM IN VIOLATION. What about them? As you can see, they clearly state that "Liam is considered a person with Disabilities." Yet, year after year, case after case, this very state denies him.

    Now let that sink in.

    I would be in violation for not filing, but they aren't for denying? How does that work? So last night, I spent a couple more hours filling out the same forms, and booklets that I have done in the past. All for them to tell me he isn't "disabled enough."

    Okay. Then why can't he attend a traditional school? Why are you, the state of Pa, helping to pay for me to not work, in order to care for, and to school him myself? Why does his school have him in numerous therapies for Speech, OT, and PT. How can you deny the fact that NUMEROUS doctors have diagnosed him with so many conditions, three of which automatically qualify him for SSDI?

    Why is it that systems put in place to help our children, aren't. (Remember, we've been filing for six years, and just NOW we're being told there's an agency that helps with that.) Yet, the only help they have given is to tell me I could be in violation. Gee, thanks Pennsylvania!

    Our children fight so hard to find their place in this world. They fight to over come their obstacles, and to face their challenges. As parents, we help them with these battles. We also try our very best to make sure all of their needs are met. Yet, the systems put in place to help them, don't. Instead they fail them, and us as well.

   

   

Be Thankful 365 Days, NOT Just 30....

    If you told me twenty years ago, that this is where I'd be today, I'd have punched you in your eating hole, for daring to speak such nastiness. (I was a rough chick back then. I was kind, and I was fair, but I took sh!t from no one. I always had the under dog's back. I once bloodied a class mates face when he screamed and called me a whore in front of our entire class at lunch. All because I wouldn't let him cheat off my Literature exam. I once popped a boyfriend in the mouth in math class because he kept poking me in the ribs. I had asked him so many times to stop and he wouldn't listen. Finally I told him if he did it again, I would give him a fat lip. He did it again. Our substitute teacher told him, "She warned you. I think you had that coming. Now go to the nurse." )

    I digress. So ten years ago, had you told me this would be my life, I would have ignored you and probably not spoken to you again. I was blissfully unaware of the trials and tribulations that would become my life. I lived in my bubble of happiness and if you tried to burst it, I would do my best to distance myself from you.

               Now before you jump me for being a whiner, calm down and keep reading!

   ( I'm a very positive person. My glass is almost always half full (of coffee,) but I will NEVER sugar coat the life we have lived and continue to live. We all have struggles. I know this. I also know that even on our worst days, we're lucky. We still have MUCH to be thankful for. But that doesn't make those bad days hurt any less. Much like a paper cut, in the crease of your finger, those awful days will continue to burn and sting my heart, until I push them out of my mind.)

    I had my miracle child. The baby they told me I would probably never had. We had our first home. Hubby had a decent paying job. All was right with the world. Or so I thought. We had recently moved back home after hurricane Katrina devastated the south. We were thankful we had our lives and the few belongings we owned. To say we were annoyingly happy, is probably an understatement.

    Then, one thing after another started stealing the wind from our sails, and knocking us on our arses. It didn't matter how hard we clawed and grasped for that proverbial ladder, we just kept falling right back down it. We didn't give up. We fought harder. Hubby broke his back. He lost his job. We had to look to the state for help. Liam was a handful. Even at only 6 months, he gave me a run for my money. I didn't know any better, he was (and still is) my first baby. I was clueless. Without boring you with a TON of details that I don't feel like rehashing, the short and sweet version, is that life was going to hell in a hand basket.

    I remember in the thick of it, my mom mentioned she thought Liam had autism. I remember seething with rage. I was uneducated. I had only ever experienced children with severe autism. That wasn't my son. As a matter of fact, we didn't speak for a year. That's how angry I was. Liam was around 15-18 months at that time. He quit eating. He wouldn't let anyone touch him. He would line up his baby cars just so, and if you tried to touch them to play, he would freak out. I just thought it was a phase. It wasn't.

    Jump ahead to 2010. Liam was diagnosed with Autism. We were gobsmacked. I had to call my mother and tell her she was right. (The blasphemy!) The years to follow would become even more tumultuous. At that point though, we were at rock bottom.

    But then I educated myself. I read every book I could get my hands on about autism. (Thank you ABOARD's Autism Connection of Pa for your FREE library!) I got online and "met" other parents like myself. I fought endlessly for therapies, and school rights. I started to home school Liam. I started my Facebook page for support and to support others. Things were looking up.

    Then they went right back down. Those of you with a loved one on the spectrum know, there are great days, weeks, even months. Then things get worse. But for Liam, it wasn't "typical" autism rough patches. We had to seek more opinions. In 2014 he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. His actual diagnoses are now, Autism, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, and SPD. How much can one little boy and his family take?

     The answer is a lot! Here I am, finally to the point of all my rambling on. There are days I don't understand how my boy can survive. How he can fight through those inner demons and smile another day. Some days I don't know if I am strong enough to help him conquer these demons. Some times I wonder how he'll ( or we'll ) make it through.

    But we always do. We may live in a small trailer. We may have no money. (Hubby is STILL fighting for his benefits.) My son, my husband and myself may have more diagnoses than an entire wing in a hospital, but we're alive. We have a roof over our heads. We have loving family. We have great friends (some of which live in here, the interwebs,) We have amazing senses of humor. Most importantly, we have each other.

    So as you scroll through your feed this November, and you see everyone doing their thankful 30, take a moment, and think of what you're thankful about. Then, continue to do this the other 335 days of the year. You can let yourself have a bad day or ten. You can be angry at the curve balls life throws at you sometimes, but bottom line, look to the things you DO have. If you spend more time dwelling on the good, the bad won't seem so bad after all.

Multiple Miscarriages and a Miracle Baby

    So the Mighty has asked their readers what their greatest gift has been. I could say the laptop from my parents that I am typing this on. I could say my awesome phone generously provided by my inlaws. I could say a roof over my head and my family and friends.

    While they are all AMAZING gifts, I have to say the best is my son. Yeah yeah, I know. You've probably all heard that before, but wait. My story is different.

    I have been through 7 miscarriages. Yes, you read that right. SEVEN. The first one was about 16 weeks along. The other 6 were before 11 weeks. Spontaneous Abortions is how Doctors refer to them. I hate that term. I didn't CHOOSE to lose those babies. My body did, and it ripped my heart out every.single.time.

   It got to the point where my doctor told me, I may never be able to carry a child to term. I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts at the age of 13 and struggled with them, but other than that, they couldn't find anything medically wrong with me.

    Until Liam. Liam was conceived during Hurricane Katrina. Yep, you read that right too. No power for days, equals bored people! I found out on my brother's birthday that I was pregnant. I was scared to death.

    I made an appointment to see an OB/Gyn. As soon as I told them of my previous miscarriages, I was scheduled to see a high risk OB/Gyn. I had every test under the sun. While we waited on results, I was told to take it easy. At 9 weeks I started to bleed and was rushed to the ER.

   My husband and my best friend in tow, we waited for what seemed like hours, when it was merely one. They brought in an ultrasound machine. Here I am, feet in stirrups, a Doctor, a nurse, the US tech, my hubby and best friend at my feet. The Dr. is talking all hush hush. I can feel panic start to course through my body. My hubby and my best friend are standing there with their mouths agape. NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHAT'S GOING ON.....

    Then I hear one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. I hear his heart beat. It sounds like a train roaring down the tracks. I am sent home on bed rest, and after going over all my testing, they tell me I have a clotting disorder. They send hubby to the pharmacy for aspirin and tell me to take it every morning until 32 weeks.

    Aspirin! Aspirin saved my pregnancy! I went to a high risk OB/GYN weekly through my pregnancy.  Hubby rented me a hospital grade dopplar, so I could check the baby's heart beat every day. I was on bed rest, and if I wasn't throwing up, I was chilling out.

    When we moved from Alabama back to Pa, I had to find a new Dr. By this time I was 20 weeks in. The new high risk was quite a drive, as we live in a very rural area. So I only saw him every other week. Long story short, I delivered around 36 weeks. I became pre eclamptic and had to be induced. But other than that, it was a normal delivery and I had a beautiful baby boy to be thankful for.

    He wasn't a Christmas gift though, he was actually my mother's day gift that year, as I had him just 2 days before. (Though we moved home in December and we drew a bow on my tummy and presented it as our gift to our parents.) I bawled like a baby when they laid his little body on my chest. I silently thanked God for this miracle.

    So now you know my story, or at least part of it. If you follow us on facebook, you know my boy is autistic, struggles with biploar disorder, SPD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, and anxiety. You also know I embrace him and all his quirkiness. This is why!

     I don't care if he's autistic. I don't care that he struggles with all these labels. (I mean, I do, but I don't love him any less.) I care that he is mine.

     So when I hear people say they hate that their child is autistic, I get angry. Not because I don't think you have valid feelings. Let's face it, your journey is different than mine. I hate it, because I know there are other women and men out there who want nothing more than a child to love. We have that. We were given that blessing. Even though our journeys are hard, we still have them. We have something they long to have. We have something to be thankful for.


    You see, my greatest gift didn't come from a store. It isn't a thing. My greatest gift is my son, and I will always treasure him. Through the good, the bad and the ugly days of autism and bipolar. He is my "Miracle Man!"

To medicate or NOT to medicate

WE ARE USING MEDICATIONS~

Yes, you read that right. the mother who was vehemently against medicating children, has put her child on meds.

I was always against medicating my son. He was diagnosed with ADHD before he was diagnosed with Autism, and I told the pediatrician from the get go, NO MEDS.

As the years have gone by and as I have watched my child struggle, pita and I started to actually entertain the idea....

I still wasn't sure. That's a BIG step. But when Liam had his last manic episode, and our choice was inpatient over 2 hours away or home with an appt with the child psychiatrist, the realization was that medicine was going to need to be administered.

It was with heavy hearts that we accepted a script for Concerta, and one for Hydroxyzine for Liam. We were told that these are the first step. If they don't work it will be Zoloft, and then maybe even anti psychotics. So we started with the lesser of evils.

I was nauseous when I gave him his meds that first day. I watched him like a hawk. I mean seriously, Liam kept asking me to stop staring at him!

                               That day I saw a miracle.

  My son was concentrating. He was staying on task. He was playing something for more than 10 minutes at a time. He wasn't angry. He wasn't having constant meltdowns. He wasn't stimming constantly. We weren't walking on egg shells. (note: I don't mind that he stims, but sometimes he gets carried away (head banging) and I do fear it will hurt him)

We went from three meltdowns a day to maybe 3 a WEEK! Instead of bursts of anger, he cries. (I don't like to see him crying, but it beats keeping him from banging his head off the walls when he is upset)

I was afraid to actually come forth and admit that I too, was giving my son medication. So many people look down on those that medicate their children. I myself hated to hear that children were being put on Ritalin or Adderall. I didn't condemn anyone for it, but I hated to hear it. In my mind it was like people were giving their children legal cocaine. How could that be healthy?

And then my son went down hill. so fast in fact, that we really had no other choice. It was then that I realized that these medications are made to HELP our children. His doctor wasn't just throwing a script at us and rushing us out of his office. He was reaching out and telling us what he thought would help our son lead a happy, healthy life.

We just went today for a medication check up and when we told Dr. S all the good that has come from these two medications, he was smiling from ear to ear. He said that sadly, he doesn't always hear that it helps a child like this. He was genuinely happy that Liam is doing so well. We are happy. Liam is happy.

While I still believe wholeheartedly that medication should ALWAYS be last resort, I am now embracing it.

Not for me. Not for my life, but for him and for his life. He is happy. He is healthy. He is thriving.

My job as his mother is to make sure of that.

(I am NOT a doctor. I am NOT saying medication is the right step for ANYONE or ANY CHILD. I am saying that it should be last resort, but as parents, we shouldn't feel guilty for helping our children have better lives)

Stifle

Those that follow us on Facebook know that a few months ago Liam was almost hospitalized. Thankfully he wasn't, but it was close.

Afterwards we got him in to see a child psychiatrist whom diagnosed him as Bipolar, ODD, OCD tendencies and Anxiety. All of this on top of Autism, ADHD, and SPD.

This was a very hard time for him, and for us as his parents. I still haven't let myself fully absorb the feelings associated with his depressive episode. I can't. I just can't.

Last night Liam was sitting on my lap, rare for him now that he is getting older. I was thinking about other families I know, who have recently had to hospitalize their autistic children. The flood of memories from Liam's episode became so grandiose I couldn't contain them.

These words were flowing through my mind, so I quickly typed them into my phone so I could remember them today.

Stifle

I stifle the feelings,
The memories, the thoughts.
I think of his courage.
How hard he had fought.

I couldn't give in.
I couldn't shed tears.
He needed my strength
To conquer his fears.

Feeling so helpless, useless, alone.
I shut down my mind.
My heart like a stone.

Still I stifle.
I push away the pain.
I bury the memories;
The heartbreak, the disdain.

I'm afraid to give in.
Afraid to feel.
I fear recurrence.
I fear he won't heal.

Just one little boy.
How much can he take?
How much can he bear?
How long til he breaks?

I stifle my breath.
I mutter a prayer.
I stifle the pain,
Layer by layer.

~Courtney B

My childhood therapist was right. It feels good to get that out. Even if it is in the form of poetry. The release is enlightening.
                                                              <3 <3 <3 <3
 

Autism and Marriage

  So I have wanted to write this post for awhile now, but I have been thinking hard on what I was going to write. My original title was Autism Vs Marriage, but I didn't feel that was right. First of all, I don't feel my son's Autism is up against our marriage. Secondly, I didn't want to offend anyone because this can be a touchy subject.
  Those who follow my blog know I am an honest person. I tell it like it is, and I hide nothing. So, with that in mind, here goes......
  Our marriage is FAR from PERFECT. As a matter of fact, we tend to argue~ a lot. You see, hubs is the authoritarian, and I am well... I am the sucker. Thing is, I have read all the books, I follow all the blogs, and when Liam is behaving a certain way, and hubs gets on him, I am quick to defend. I don't like to do that. I don't. However, if a behavior is Autism related, I make no qualms about letting hubs know. This does cause issues in our marriage. He gets upset with me. He thinks I baby Liam. I get upset because I think he needs to educate himself more.....This is where Autism causes a rift in our marriage.....Also, let's face it, it's stressful. The meltdowns, the lack of sleep, the obsessions.....the list goes on.... Hubs and I haven't even slept in the same room, in I think 4 years!!! We didn't sleep in the same bed because of his back problems, and he would toss and turn a lot, but then I had to sleep in Liam's room, because it was the only way for any of us to get any sleep. So now, Liam and I have a bedroom with our own beds, and hubs has his own room. NOT your typical marriage, but hey, it works for us. My mom reads this blog, so I am not even going into the sex issue. I'm just not. (you're welcome momma :)) I will share this pic though because it's perfect for what I want to say......Just scroll past it momma ;)

ha, told ya this was perfect :)

For all of these reasons, Autism has put a strain on our marriage, BUT......it has also strengthened it.
  Autism has also made our marriage stronger. In the almost 8 years we have been married, we have been through a lot. A hurricane, hub's back problems, his 2 major surgeries, Liam and Autism, myself and Fibromyalgia....It hasn't been an easy life, but it's our life. Autism has taught us to stick together. To stand up for Liam and to educate others about Autism. It has helped us stand together to fight for what Liam needs and deserves. Autism has done all this for our marriage....So while I can say it has made it harder,  it has also made it stronger......I guess I am on the fence with this.....

This is kinda how I feel. Either hubs and I are at war with each other, or at war against the world and fighting for Liam's needs and advocating to spread awareness!

   So, I reached out to reader's on my ALFL page, and asked for their input on this subject.... Below I will add what was sent to me on this topic:

Anon:

"I am currently married, but he is not the father of my children. I am divorced from my sons' dad, and never married my daughter's father. My sons both have ASD. Their dad doesn't accept that they have it, so now he has supervised visitation. He fights me at every turn. My husband is trying his hardest to be the dad that they deserve. He still has problems with some of their "issues" but I am strong and I deal with it in my own."

Sarah H says:

-I am married - 10 years

-Hubs & I both are NT

-Oldest daughter (6 years old) is autistic, SPD, ADHD, etc

-Also military family <--- adds lots of strain on top of it all

-We argue a lot over discipline w. Lou. What should we expect from her? What is too much? Do we expect less during medication changes? What about when she's had bedtime meds? Does medication mean she can act horribly and get away with it? One day I will be losing my mind and hubs can be the calm one, while the next day we flip roles. He lets her get away with more, gives her more treats to calm screaming and tantrums, while I am more of the iron-fist more often. We've done marriage counseling to assist with parenting her, but found that it didn't help as much as it can be hard to find a counselor who actually deals w. SN families.

You can find Sarah’s page here: https://www.facebook.com/LifeWLou

Harry writes:

"Hi. I am divorced and have been for 10 years. My son is ASD and was diagnosed while our divorce was already in the process. I will tell you though I am sure it would have been a deal breaker anyway because his was and still is in denial. It has been a source of added conflict throughout our divorce which is a shame for our son. One of the biggest issues was, with the court giving her full medical authority, she stopped his private speech, occupational and psychological therapies years ago which has hindered his development."

Harry can be found at: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=520048248

Jan shares

"Hi Jan here...Yes, i am Married ,been married 10 years but together for 20.I am NT, spouse NT but i think aspie, he has as many traits as kieboy.1nt child,19 years olld,1 autistic 13 year old. we handle life together, but don’t always agree. I say no shouting, hubby likes to shout, silly things like that.autism has put a huge strain on us because no one believed me when i said kie was autistic, even his dad, no one medical listened until he was 12.but,slowly it is making us all stronger, if we are honest. Diagnosis made a difference as i know i wasn’t going mad, kie knows what’s going on and his dad is slowly getting used to it. All we need now is to get him diagnosed LOL~~Jan."

You can find Jan here:

 https://www.facebook.com/AutismThroughTheEyesOfUsAll

Kelly writes:

Hi! I'm married and my husband and I are both NT. We have 2 children. Isabel is 4 and she has ASD and Nathaniel is 8 months so we are not sure about him yet. He is not showing any symptoms of ASD but you never know. I believe that our marriage has become stronger since Isabel was diagnosed. We are really a team now and we communicate so much more. Our kids are everything to us autism or not. Isabel was diagnosed when I was pregnant with my son and I was so worried that having a baby would upset her. She has actually started interacting with him and it's great to see. I hope this helps.

Christel writes:

"Not married, divorced my first husband, and my second one is deceased. That is many years ago, so I consider myself single now.

I have a ASD, and so does my son, (12) My daugther(19) is NT

How do you handle life together/apart......I Live on my own, with some help, my son lives in a group home, and has found his place in the world too. My daughter lives on her own.

My son comes home every other weekend and a few days extra for the holidays, never more then 4, which is the limit for him and me being in one place without much trouble. My daughter visits when she wants and can.

When my daughter was a teen I was undiagnosed, and it caused a lot of trouble. She was a very difficult ten, and we almost lost contact between us completely. Since I have my diagnosis now and know i have an ASD, it has gotten easy. She now knows why mom is different, does some things different than the rest of the world, and why I am the way I am. Knowing has helped her Understand and to give some things a place in her life. Between me and my son I have had some difficulties, but it’s easier for me to understand him, then it is for me to understand some things my NT Daughter does/did. A big support for all of us is my mother, a super-strong woman who does what she can despite having a physical handicap to keep things as smooth as possible. ( and yes, that is a big shout-out/thank you to her!)

I have recently started to blog about my life, and my views on asd on my website. i also post other stuff there, so it also a page that shows some of my interests. Not sure if i should connect a facebook page to my blog, i might soon, though."

If You would like to connect with Christel and get a perspective from an adult on the spectrum, you can find her here…

http://tmntfan.nl/

Sheila shares:

“Hi in answer to your question on relationships. I have been with my hubby for 20years and married for 14years since our son was diagnosed 3 years ago with ASD and co-morbid ADHD we have come to the conclusion that hubby is and undiagnosed aspie he and my son have a lot of similar traits and since researching Aspegers to try and understand our son a bit more we have said hubby is definitely on the spectrum. My hubby often struggles with the feel of certain textures for example he can't stand sand, he can't wear thongs as the post between his toes irritates him, when shopping for shoes they have to jump out at him and say buy me or he won't even try them on and when he does eventually find a pair if they don't feel right straight away he won't buy them. I used to struggle in the early years of our relationship when he used to find it difficult to show his emotions to me he very rarely hugs me or kisses me but I know he loves me in his own way. When his dad passed away 4 years ago in a tragic accident we had to travel by plane for 24 hrs to get back to the family not once did he show any real emotion it was only once he saw his dad in the funeral home did it really hit home about the fact his dad was no longer around even then he didn't cry and show a lot of emotion he just looked shell shocked. I have known my hubby since we were in high school and I remember him at school as being this quite guy who never really looked people in the eye and was always the one in the group who seemed quite shy (luckily he was taken under the wings of a great group of guys who have always accepted him for who he is). he is 40 next march and has only ever had 2 jobs in his adult life as he doesn't like change but when he does make a change it is on his terms and he does it big style. when we bought our 1st house he told me that he would never move from there as his mum and dad had lived in their house forever and he had only ever lived there that was until the day he calmly came downstairs to tell me he had applied for a job in Australia with the company who he was working for at the time, 4 mths later he was on a plane to try out his new job in Australia to see if he liked it and to see if they wanted him it started out as a 4 week trip which eventually dragged out to 7 weeks and then he only came home because he missed me and Tom and we had our home to sell by January of the following year we were in Australia and have been here 7years now and have just bought our own home (which I have been told he will never move from again). Over the years we have had some trying times were we have had our issues mainly because Rob doesn't tell me what is wrong and I end up screaming at him (which we all know gets you nowhere fast with someone on the spectrum) but to be honest I wouldn't change a thing and it helps me to know that the right girl is out there somewhere waiting for my handsome young man to be their special someone and I often say to people who I speak to on the spectrum that worry about relationships there is someone for everyone and that person will come along just be yourself and they will either love you or hate you if they love you hold onto them with all your heart if they hate you let them go they are not worth worrying about. Hope this inspires other people out there to give someone on the spectrum a chance.”

Jackson shares

“okay I'm rather ADD so I didn't pick up on exactly how you wanted me to answer questions. I can share with you what Autism has done to our marriage through 23 years. Right now what frustrates me most is that I'm the "interpreter". My husband seldom talks directly to Ian. He talks through me. This is partly my fault. I'm so afraid hubby will say something in the wrong way and he will melt down and I don't need that in my life...that I just jump in. This is tiring. This is old. I wish I could stop. I wish I could be in a place in my life that I could handle an occasional meltdown and not walk on eggshells. I know it has been hard for hubby to put up with my seeming obsession with this child/person. Now that he is technically a "man" (and that is a HARD word to use) hubby wants him to have a "normal" life. I'm still protective. I know my hubby sees eternity stretching out before him with this person always in our home. We are at the point where we are planning our retirement and our retirement includes a grown person in our home possibly forever. We yearn for an empty nest where we can run around the house naked and that's just not going to happen. Hubby keeps making plans and I keep saying "What about Ian?".

I know that a lot of your readers are struggling with younger austistic children, but I wanted to put this out there. They become autistic adults and they still need care. We are not saintly. We struggle and disagree about what's to be done.”

Jackson also opens up to me about SEX in an Autistic household”

“I was reminded this morning also of another challenge to marriage with an autistic "child". Sex. I swear we went years without it. Ian was in hospital quite a bit so we were not even physically in the same spot. We celebrated a wedding anniversary in the hospital. Later the code word for sex was "Is the boy asleep?" He has learned to knock before entering our room if the door is shut. He has NOT learned to wait for the "all clear" before opening the door. This of course leads to lots of embarrassment. Later he will ask "were you having sex?" It seems he asks this in front of other people a lot. His brothers get grossed out at the thought of 50 year old people having sex and the pastor just turns red!”

Heather writes:

“I’m sending this message in response to your questions for your blog. I am married. My spouse and I are both NT. We have three children. All boys... they are Caleb 10, Aden 5, and Logan 3. Aden is our only child with a diagnosis of ASD. Our life is one big roller coaster...lol. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works 12 hour days, 7 days a week. So finding "adult" time is hard then you add in 3 kids, one with autism. It can be very straining on our relationship. But we have learned to take each day and embrace it. Our son Aden has helped us open our eyes and see everything in a different perspective. I wouldn't want my family and my life to be any different.”

Nita shares:

I will say I believe autism has strengthened our marriage. We had a lot of issues before, especially backbiting. When we received Kylee's diagnosis that caused a lot of turmoil and practically no one in the family even talks to us on my husband's side. It is so sad. Before, I would have said it could've made our marriage wobbly but my husband has stood up and been amazing. Once he was on board, lol. Long story short, we do not let anyone's negative opinions color our situation and feelings. People have nothing better to do than ignore us and our daughter, go for it. My mother in law has practically ignored my child. She let her stay over New Year's of this year. Hasn't called to do anything with her. All year! That used to take it's toll before but now, neither of us care. When Kylee brings it up, we answer her truthfully and carry on.

Wendy shares:

I am happily divorced. My son's dad has no clue where my son is. The last time I talked to my sons dad the awful man told me that when my son turns 18 he would kick my sons a** and beat the autism out of him. To say the least if this man ever found out where my son is he is not allowed to go near my precious baby. Even though my son resides in a group home sometimes there is a strain. Misbehaviors  that I also have to deal with. Sometimes I do wish I did not have to do this alone but then I think what an awful man his dad is and then I think how lucky we are not to have him in our lives. My son does miss having a dad at times. Btw I call his dad a sperm donor. My son is now 15 when he was 1 his dad went to jail and when he got out only seen him a few times. So for the last 14 years I have been mom and dad.

So there you have it.....Different people, different perspectives on Autism and Marriage. Months ago, I read a blog by Autism Daddy where he listed ways he and his wife keep their marriage strong. I LOVED it. You can check it out by clicking here: Autism Daddy

For info on Autism and Marriage, check out the link below. I turned to Google , and found a site with many helpful links:

More info CLICK HERE

Liam the Brat

  This is a post that is kind of hard to write. As parents we tend to see our kids with rose colored glasses. I know my son is NOT by any means PERFECT, but I try not to dwell on his flaws. Last night however, that was impossible!!!!!!
  Liam had his little friend "A" over last night. She is so cute we call her Chewy, so that is how I will refer to her :) They started out jumping, launching and tumbling onto the crash pad. Having a blast I might add. I noticed Liam was being awful rough and quickly got on him to stop. He didn't listen. He then proceeded to push her off the couch (onto the pad).  At first she was laughing, but  it didn't take long before I could see the annoyance in her eyes. I told him to stop being so rough, she is a girl and girl's don't like rough boys. That didn't matter, he kept on being a hellion. Then Chewy decided playing school would be better. (You rock Chewy!!!!) So they got out some school supplies and began. Liam was mouthy, rude, bossy and just plain annoying. "Chewy, you can't do that, you're a girl! Chewy you can't do that you're only 5...." and the rude comments kept coming! Let me say that he is lucky I am not Chewy. Had I been Chewy, even at the age of 5, I would have told him just where to put that notebook and pencil!!!!!!
  I couldn't believe my ears. I have never seen Liam act quite like the way he did last nite. He was just so, God I can't even think of a word to describe how he was acting......Everything they played (as always) he needed to dominate. It was more than that though. The condescending manner in which he was speaking to his friend was appalling. We NEVER speak to Liam that way. We are always working to build his confidence and self esteem with positive words and actions. I have NO CLUE where he could have picked this behavior up from.....
  As I said, I know he isn't perfect, but Liam lives his life by imitations and observations. He is a "monkey see, monkey do" kind of kid. This leads me to believe that he may be picking this up from the older peers he INSISTS on playing with. In keeping with my honesty, I don't like him playing with these older kids, but Liam's dad keeps stressing the fact that he NEEDS the socialization. (which he does) So if these kids are behind our house playing,  I do let Liam go join them. I want nothing more than to be out there watching with my eagle eye, but that is HOVERING (so I am told) So I sit inside and hover from the window. Problem is, I can't hear what is being said......So my intelligent observation is this.....He is hearing it from somewhere, someone, and I would bet it's from these kids.
  He went over and played at one's house the other night. He came home looking very sad. When I asked him why, all I could get from him was, "They told me I am too little to play that with them." Liam holds negativity inside and it brews and brews until it explodes. Last night it exploded and poor Chewy was on the receiving end.  :(
  After she left, we had a talk about why we don't act like that. He showed no emotion (typical) so I can only hope it sunk in. That being said, I am glad it's getting very cold outside and these other kids will be inside all winter. This way I don't have to worry too much about Liam playing with them and copying their every action! I do NOT like Liam the BRAT!!!!

Autistic Pride and Q & A

Yesterday (June 18th) was Autistic Pride Day. What a great day to celebrate! Too bad I was sick. I still explained to Liam what it was and he sported his Autism Hearts shirt in honor of the day. Good enough for now. Some days I have to take a day off from advocacy :) I did however make this pic for my facebook page:

For more info on Autistic Pride day, CLICK HERE

I am also very excited to report that after speaking with a wonderful woman named Margalit, and sharing with her some pics, and answering questions, she has posted my interview. Margalit is the admin of Autistic Globetrotting on Facebook. I had submitted a pic of Liam in a state park, and she emailed me and asked if I would like to participate in an interview. I was stoked!!!! Being of a low income, we have to be so careful of what we do for fun. Yet, we always make sure we have something to do. When Liam grows up, he may say, "we didn't have a lot of money when I was a kid..." but I do believe he will also say, "mom and dad always spent time with me, and we did fun things anyway." You don't have to be rich, or even well off to find fun things to do with your kiddos. Some of our best fun is free! To read more of my interview CLICK HERE

Eval, Sensory Overload and The Legion

Well, yesterday was Liam's 6 month Eval. Guess what????? He STILL has autism!!! Can you believe that Jenny McCarthy???? The diet change, the trial meds, the herbal meds, the therapy, and he's not CURED. WTH!!!!! (sorry, thats my slam against Miss perdy playboy bunny) All kidding aside, the eval went well. Liam spun in the chair most of the time, SHOCKER!!!! Really the only change we have seen is he is more social, as long as its small groups or one on one, and less meltdowns. He still has them, but I am not the wounded soldier I once was, from battling my son.
 After his eval, we headed back home with a few stops to make. In town we had to drop off some papers, and then I needed to stop at the craft store. They are pretty close, and since it was nice out, I decided he and I would walk. (Trust me, I can use the exercise :D) So we start walking down the side walk. Liam is pulling away from me, telling me to stop. I have to tighten my grip because he has been known to run into traffic. (of course I didn't have his restraint with me, wth was I thinking????) We get to the cross walk and he begins to fight me. "Please momma, don't make me go." He had no choice, traffic was stopped, waiting for us to move our keisters outta the way! He got behind me, latched on, and we started to make our way across the street. About 2/3 of the way there, he lets go. I panic and turn. Down he goes, hands over his ears, screaming and crying. I bend to scoop him up. Baring my butt crack for half of the town to see, I get him in my arms and rush him to the side walk. I set him down, wrap my arms around him and SQUEEZE!!!!! It all happened in slow motion, and I was so unaware of anything but the two of us. I kneeled there, face burried in his chest and sobbed. Thankful no one jumped the gun and hit us, thankful he was okay, and thankful he didn't take off. I dried my eyes, and told him he scared momma, and can't do that. His reply, "it hurt so bad momma, I had too!" Ugh!!! I felt like crap. He has small DJ head phones for things like this, but he refuses to wear them. They fall off his head, and are more of a hinder than a help. He hates the ear bud headphones, so he won't use them. Guess hubs and I need to buy him a different pair of DJ style because I do NOT want this to happen again.
Now that I vented, want to hear some good news??? I am having my first Give Away. The 500th person to LIKE A Legion for Liam will win a hand made Autism Awareness Paracord key chain. As well as the person who sent them my way. How to win???? SHARE my page, tell your family and friends to give me a LIKE, and TELL ME YOU SENT THEM. You could be the lucky winner!!!!! (I am sorry, but this contest is only open to individuals because Facebook does NOT count other page Likes, so I have no way of knowing if a group is LIKE number 500) So SHARE, SHARE, SHARE, and LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, and you could be the lucky winner.
                                            <3<3<3<3

Positive Reinforcement or Bribery??

This is always a major topic of discussion between the hubs and I. I am not gonna lie, I don't like admitting I am wrong, but I am beginning to think, he may be right!!!!! Shhhhh, don't tell him!
Our son has always seemed to have a very stubborn frame of mind (though I'm not sure where he got that :D) So, typically when I want him to do something, I "positively reinforce" the action or behavior. It all started when we would go grocery shopping. "If you're a good boy, when we are done, I will take you to the Dollar Store and buy you a prize." Well for the most part that worked (unless it was a meltdown, in which case that stupid toy made NO difference to him.) To potty train him, I made a sticker chart. It looked like a game board. He got one sticker for pee pee, and 2 stickers for poo poo. Every 5 stickers, he got to pick a prize, then we went to every 10. I also had FREE PRIZE spots, every so often on the board. So, I thought, "wow! I got this mommy thing down!!!" Now all the while hubs is telling me, it seems like bribery to him (mainly the whole, "be good in public, and you get a prize.") I argue that I am merely trying to positively reinforce the idea that, good behavior, reaps good things. Fast forward a few years. LJ is smart. Sometimes I fear, smarter than his father and I... Anyway, now it goes like this, "LJ please pick up your toys for momma." Lj, "if I pick up my toys, then you owe me 5 bucks!!!" REALLY???????????? I didn't receive a 5$ ALLOWANCE until I was in my teens and helping my mother with daily household chores. My response to him is, "if you don't pick them up, I will and you WILL NOT like where I put them!!!!!"
So it is in this new light that I ponder......Was my hubs right????? Did I create this "monster" by "positively reinforcing" him his whole life??????? If so, I'm not telling! I will NEVER live it down :)
Thoughts anyone??????

Mommy's lil monster <3

From AS to ASD

This week has been the worst in our life. Our son LJ had a terrible regression this past week. He has been obsessing over his thoughts, stating he "sees everything in movies, and get it out," of his mind. He has been crying, screaming, rocking and humming to calm himself down, none of which has worked. We went to his Ped. He put him on Tenex, and of course, it takes days to work. He needed something that worked now!!! The herbals supplements were doing no good. Music, massage, counting, singing, none of it worked! We had an emergency meeting with his therapists, all of whome we at a loss as to what to do. A happy, smiling child turned into a crying screaming mess in a matter of days. He won't let us hug him, kiss him, or even tell him we love him without "freaking" out. He is unrecognizable! We had had enough and were lucky to get him an emergency appointment with a new psychologist. He was diagnosed with mild autism, not AS. In a way, we were relieved. We finally had answers, we finally had more help. He is now "qualified" for more therapies, and even an ASD play program. As far as the other psych, he was trying to change LJ's diagnosis to just plain ADHD, after saying it was definately AS, and we felt like we had to argue with him to see what we saw. (You know, in the whole 15 minutes he would spend with him.) We finally have more hope, more help, and we will move forward. And so, I have changed the name of this blog to more appropriately fit our life.