We Use CBD Oil to Help Our Autistic Bipolar Son

    Medical Marijuana is widely talked about now a days. There seems to be a wide divide of people whom accept the idea, and those who think it's just a gateway to legalizing all drugs.

    While I don't necessarily have an issue with the latter group of people, I want to reach out to them, and I hope this clears some things up for them. I also want to reach out to families like ours. Families that struggle with pediatric mental illness and more.

    First of all, Medical Marijuana was recently legalized in our state. However, doctors here can't yet prescribe it. Autism is on the list of conditions, but, we made our decision about a year ago not to wait.

    Now before you get your panties in a bunch thinking we let our 10 year old smoke pot, calm down, and read on.

    A year ago, we made the decision to try CBD oil with our son. For those that aren't quite familiar with what it is, or for those who are curious, CBD, or Cannabidiol oil is derived from Hemp, but does NOT include THC. THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol is the component in Marijuana that is responsible for it's psychological effects.

    So CBD is made from Hemp. It's NON psychoactive and will NOT get the user "high." Though CBD and THC both act very differently, they treat many of the same medical issues.

    CBD has been known to help with anxiety, pain, psychosis, as an anti-inflammatory, anticonvulsant and more.

    So how did we decide this for our CHILD?

    Well it wasn't without a LOT of thought. A lot of research, and we both tried it before we administered it to our child.

    I personally suffer from fibromyalgia, migraines, and anxiety, so I was the first to try it. (CBD can be used in a vapor pen/box for adults, and it can also be taken orally, for kids/adults. As a matter of fact, they now have it in many flavors.) I waited until I had a nasty headache and tried it. Sure enough within 15 minutes, my headache was easing up. I then tried it before a particularly busy day of "peopling." Again, my anxiety stayed in check a lot better than normal. (I take Zoloft for my anxiety, but some days, as many of you know, are worse than others.)

    Of course, through this process, I was relaying how well it helped me to my hubby. It was his turn next. He suffers from many fractures, and has a ton of metal in his body from repair surgeries. So my husband gave it go for his pain. For him, while it took the edge off, it of course didn't take it a way. BUT, it DID help. So, should we give it to our child?

    Our child struggles deeply with Bipolar Disorder. He is autistic as well, and sometimes the two make the other worse. Some days are a constant battle for our son. Especially in the Spring. What finally helped us make the decision to try CBD with him, was after we had to take him to ER for a reaction to a PRESCRIBED medication.

    Last year during his deep depression, my son's Doctor told us he thought Liam needed Risperdal. About a week later, on his birthday non the less, we headed to the ER because our son had a reaction to this prescribed, and widely used drug.

    There is nothing scarier than your child having suicidal thoughts at such a young age. Now add to that a child who has his head turned to one side. He is now speaking from the side of his mouth, as the other side is paralyzed. He related that his "throat was fat, and wouldn't work," and he was twitching. Oh God, the twitching. We were terrified. We thought our nine year old was having a stroke. Turns out it was Tardive Dyskinesia. (Risperidone may rarely cause a condition known as tardive dyskinesia. In some cases, this condition may be permanent.)

    Mind you, a LEGAL DRUG caused this reaction in our child. Not only do hospitals in our area have a hard time dealing with pediatric mental illness, but they are also clueless about the reactions that can come from such drugs used treat these illnesses. He was given antihistamines, watched for an hour and sent home.

    That evening my husband and I decided that something natural would be much safer than heavy psychotics. We gave our son a few days to recover, and gave him his first dose of CBD oil.

    We never looked back. Now, our son is still on a low dose of Zoloft for his depression and anxiety, and for the day to day, it helps him tons. When he cycles deeply or is unusually anxious, out comes the CBD oil.

    It helps him. It REALLY helps him. As with me, within 15 minutes of taking this perfectly LEGAL and NATURAL oil, he starts to feel better. He tells us, his "mind is less busy, and not mean to me."

    Until now, NO ONE but a few family members, and very close friends whose children have the same struggles, know we use CBD for our son. Even though it's perfectly legal, there are still some people who are uneducated about what it really is and how it helps. These same people tend to be very judgmental about it as well.

    So why I am I telling all of you this? Well, because I have always been up front and honest with my followers about our journey. I feel that if it helped our son so much, then maybe it can help yours too.

    I personally would love to see Risperdal pulled from all pharmacies, but it actually does help some people. I would just hate to see parents have to witness what we did. And I would hate to see a child struggle with those severe effects, like our son did.

    So here I am. I'm coming out. We Use CBD Oil to Help Our Autistic Bipolar Son. It works. It has been a God send. We are not ashamed, and we will not hide it any longer.

You Only Care About Your Daughters, Not Our Sons

    I'm tired. I'm tired of ignorance. I'm tired of bigotry. I'm tired of people arguing and shoving their opinions down everyone else's throats.

    So here's the thing. All these people throwing a fit about gender neutral bathrooms, need to stop.

    Stop and LISTEN to what you're saying.

    You're all worried about trans people "preying on our daughters in gender neutral bathrooms!" 

    What about our boys? 

  You mean to tell me that just because it's a "men's only" bathroom, there's no chance of a pedophile being in there?

    If you think that, you need to wake up!

    As bathrooms stand right now, I have to send my nine year old, special needs son, into the men's bathroom, ALONE. When I do take him into the ladies room, (because yes, there are times when he struggles with buttons and snaps, and needs help) I get nasty looks, because he's big for his age. He's also at the age where he thinks he needs to use the men's room. But what if he needs help? He's in there, all ALONE. What if there's a predator in there?

    Some places now have a "family bathroom," which is great. The problem with this is, it's ONE bathroom, for a family. So if it's occupied, and let me tell you, it usually ALWAYS is, people like me still have to make a choice. Do we take our child in with us? Deal with nasty side glances, and our kids whining because they're "too big for this!" Or do we let our kid go into their "gender" bathroom and worry if they need help. Worse yet, worry they could be touched, or lulled into being kidnapped.

    Also, NEWS FLASH, being LGBTQ doesn't make you a criminal. They are human, just like YOU and just like ME. So these people associating this community with being pedophiles is not only homophobic, it's wrong!

    I've also read, "well I shouldn't have to explain to my young child about trans people." WAKE UP people. First of all, they will encounter LGBTQ people in their lives at some point. Start teaching them acceptance NOW. Also, if you actually feel that they are too young for that now, it wouldn't kill you to just say, "everyone looks different sweetie," when your child comments on why someone in the restroom looks differently.

    Basically this boils down to Civil Rights. Remember learning about the 60's when African Americans had to use separate bathrooms as Caucasians? Well, guess what, that was deemed to be against their civil rights, just like this will be. It's the 21st century people. The world is changing, and this close minded thinking isn't evolving with the rest of us.

So do us all a favor. Learn some acceptance. Teach your children some acceptance. Then we'll all make the world a better place. One kid at a time.

Happy to Sad in T Minus Five and Counting

          Happy to Sad in T Minus Five and Counting

 I was laying in bed this morning, enjoying the quiet and watching some tv. I could see on the monitor that Liam was awake, watching Pat and Jen on YouTube, and playing Minecraft. All was right in our world.

   Or so I thought.

   Not ten minutes later, I saw him head to my chair and turn on my heating pad. He disappeared for a moment, as he headed into the kitchen and turned on my Keurig. This kid has my morning shuffle down pat! I was beaming with pride at his kindness and as as he walked in, I couldn't wait to tell him how sweet that was.

   Then he stopped at the foot of my bed. His back was to me, as he stared at the fireplace. What he said next made my heart skip a beat, and then lodge in my throat.

   In a quiet little voice, that is so unlike my son, he said, "Mommy, I was watching YouTube and then my brain had two more bad thoughts.... I didn't want to be alone, so I came to get you. I turned on your heating pad, and got your coffee started. Can you please come out to the living room with me?"

                                       Instantaneous Heartbreak...................

   That saying, "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have," well that is my son's life in a nutshell. He has over come more emotionally and mentally at (almost) 10 years old, than some people have to, in their entire life time. And he keeps fighting.  

   And here comes the cycle. The big one. The one that makes his life constant turmoil for weeks. It starts slowly. Working it's way in, and then it hits like a hurricane, and there's no turning back.

   Being Autistic is a struggle in and of itself, then you add in a mix of comorbids, (the simultaneous presence of two chronic diseases, disorders, or conditions in a patient. Ex:. ADHD, Anxiety, etc.) Now toss in a mental illness to boot, well then you have a recipe for disaster. I'm not kidding. I'm also not trying to sound heartless, I'm being honest.

   This isn't to say he doesn't have good days. The majority of his days are good. Yes, he has meltdowns, yes he stims,(self-stimulatory behavior, also known as stimming and self-stimulation, is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects common in individuals with developmental disabilities, but most prevalent in people with autistic spectrum disorders.) But those things come with the autism territory. We roll with those punches. It's the mental illness that puts the most strain on him, and honestly us too.

   I said it many times before, but I'll say it again. Being a parent, it's our job to care for our children. To help what ails them. But when it's something you can't fix, it's devastating. When they look at you and ask, "Mommy, can't you make it stop?" your heart rips in two.

   Thankfully the older Liam gets, and thanks to his hard work, and his amazing SLP, (Speech-language pathologists (SLPs) work to prevent, assess, diagnose, and treat speech, language, social communication, cognitive-communication, and swallowing disorders in children and adults,) and his amazing BSC's, (Behavioral Specialist Consultant - A BSC can provide training, consultation and supervision of team members in any setting where a child may be experiencing emotional or behavioral problems,)  he has become articulate enough to express these feelings. He doesn't hold them in and let them eat away at him. He tells us. Each and every one. The feelings he expresses overwhelm us. Can you imagine how it must be for him?

   I can't. And when I try, I ache so bad for him, that I can't bring myself to think of it. I have to become numb. I have to autopilot myself. Everything around me becomes static, because the only thing I can focus on, the only thing I NEED to focus on, is him.

   And so the countdown begins. The countdown to the yearly cycle that puts us all in an alternate universe. Hell. That's how we all describe it. It's Hell.

  In our world, Hell is this time of the year. Liam withdraws. He barely eats. He either cries, or screams and is beside himself with grief, for weeks on end. He stims, A LOT! Mainly rocking, or wanting to be rocked in our laps. Thankfully he does talk to us, but barely. He doesn’t communicate “normally.” He will tell us what his “mind tells him,” but that’s it. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t laugh. Nothing that would normally make him happy works. He refuses to leave the confines of our home. If we do manage to get him out, his anxiety worsens, and it just isn’t worth it. We can’t leave his side. He can’t be alone for even a moment. When he cycles this deeply, suicide is a real worry.

   Yes, you read that right. My (almost) ten year old has suicidal thoughts. He has since he was five years old. It’s hard to write. Even harder to say. But we have to. People need to know the reality of mental illness in children. Dangerous objects in the home that you may not think about normally, you become super focused on. For instance, the knives I keep over my stove, they’re out of his reach, but what if I went to use the bathroom and he climbed up and got one? So they have to be moved out of even my reach. (He’s almost as tall as I am.) All the knobs on the gas stove are taken off and put up on top of the fridge (with the knives.) That way, God forbid his mind went there, he wouldn’t get to them before one of us could get to him.

   This is our reality. This is our life. This is his struggle. This is real. This is Hell.

Being Fat May Not Be Where It's At, But It's Part of Me

    In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a fatty. Am I ashamed? Hell no! What I am ashamed of is how non fat people, judge fat people like myself.

    You don't know my story. I don't know yours. Which is why I won't stare at you, and judge you.

    Am I trying to glorify being fat? Nope. But I'm tired of being ashamed of being me. I won't be ashamed of being me.

    You see, I'm a mother. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A cousin. An aunt. I'm someones friend. And I'm fat. I'm also chronically ill. 

    Just getting out of bed is a chore for me. Taking a bath, and having to wash my hair is exhausting. But like I said, I'm a wife, and a mother, and more. I HAVE to do these things, and so much more. I push through the pain and exhaustion, and live my life, to the best of my ability.

    I recently got a knock off pedometer thingy. I'm proud of myself for doing 2500 steps a day. Yeah, I know, most of you are happy to get 5,000, even 10,000, and that's great for you. For someone who struggles to walk, taking 2,500 steps is HUGE for me.

    And the days where I am so exhausted, I can barely make 1,500 steps, well I'm proud of that too. I'm proud, because I'm trying.

    Being fat isn't a CHOICE. It happens. Believe it or not, before my son, and before all these illnesses, I was only 100 pounds.

    My weight is a number. It doesn't define me. Just like autism doesn't define us. Or our illnesses don't define us.

    Do I want to be healthy? Hell yes! I WISH my immune system and my body could work together. I hate being sick. I hate having to tell my son I can't play outside with him because I'm too ill. I spend my "good" days making up for the "bad" ones. Then,  I do so much with my son, and around my house, that the next day will always be a "bad" day for me.

    This is the life of chronic illness. This is the life of a fat person. So stop judging me. Stop judging others. (Also, saying, "She's pretty, for a fat girl," is super rude, so stop doing that too.)

Sincerely,

All the fat people  <3 <3

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

    It's been awhile since I've written for my own blog. Life has been so busy and to be honest, things have been going smoothly. I stopped and knocked on wood as soon as I typed that last sentence. I know that at any moment, in a whirl wind, that all can change.

    Spring is coming. Warmer weather, longer days, fresh air, and an end to cabin fever. For our family though, with that comes Liam's severe depressive cycle. We know it's coming. He knows it's coming. It's just a matter of time.

    The other night he was very paranoid. He saw a discoloration in his gummy Melatonin, and thought someone was trying to poison him. The wind was howling, and so he thought someone was trying to break in and kill us. He crawled into bed with me, and rocked to sleep. I thought the cycle may have been starting. It wasn't, the next day he was fine. He was his "normal."

    Last year my poor boy delved into his depression in time for his ninth birthday. The weather was gorgeous. We planned a picnic and swimming and fishing at his most favorite place. He could have cared less. He was listless. No smiles. No laugh. He had absolutely no fun. The few pictures I have of him on that day are a grim reminder of that horrible day. I filed them away, because looking at them makes my heart ache.

This is the only decent photo from that day. The other 3 are even worse as far as seeing the pain in his little face.

    So much sadness. So much worry. So much for one little boy to handle. But he does. And he fights like a champ. This year he'll be DOUBLE digits. He decided that instead of having a party with family and his few friends, he wants to go camping. His half brother is also a spring baby, and so he chose to take his brother, and his fur sister camping for 2 days at one of our favorite State Parks.

    Pita and I had to reserve the cabin already to be sure we would get it. Part of us is very nervous about it. Will he be in his depressive state like last year? If so, what will we do? Will he even want to go? We're hoping that the excitement leading up to the trip will stave off the cycle. But what about when we get home?

    Waiting for the other shoe to drop is how we live. As do many other autism and bipolar families. I'm not sure there's any other way to go about life.

    Incidentally, you might be an autism parent if you say, "it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop," and your son asks, "What shoe mom? I thought we were talking about me?"

The Story of an Autistic Elf

    This is the story of our Autistic Elf. Of course, she's not Autistic but since she now belongs to an Autistic boy, her story and journey with our family, is much different than that of a "typical" elf. I'm sharing because yesterday on IG I was explaining the story of our Elf, on the EotS account. Many parents reached out to me to learn more, and then for some reason EotS deleted my comments. Since so many were interested in Tinsel's story, I thought this would be the perfect platform to share her journey with all of you.

     Hi! My name is Tinsel TrudyJohn! You can call me TTJ, but many of my elf friends just call me the Autistic Elf. I'm a scout elf, but I'm not your "typical" scout elf. I was adopted by the Legion family in 2013. Liam actually picked me out in the store because he wanted to choose his new friend. When he got me home and opened me up, he held me while Mommy read him my story. She went on to explain that once I had my magic, he could NEVER touch me. She also told him that after Christmas, I would fly back to the North Pole until the next holiday season.

    This made my boy super sad. He cried. A LOT! He wouldn't put me down for fear that when I got my magic, he could never play with me again. My boy has very bad anxiety and I was causing him more stress than joy. I felt awful!

     That night, once he was asleep, another scout elf came to bring me my magic. I immediately flew back to the North Pole. I insisted on seeing Santa Claus immediately, as my mission was of the utmost importance! He met me at once, and over hot cocoa and cookies, I explained my dilemma. Of course, Santa knew all about my special boy. He explained that such a special child, required a special elf. Santa told me that my boy chose me specifically, even if he didn't realize it. He said I would not be a typical elf, because I was now the elf of an Autistic child. The big guy knew just what to do! He said he would give me special magic so that my boy could hold me and play with me. He also said that I could stay with my new family, year round! On Christmas Eve, when he delivers Liam's gifts, he would take my magic back to the North Pole. Then, next year around Thanksgiving, he will send a Scout Elf back to me, with my magic, and I must fly straight to the North Pole so he can give me back my SPECIAL magic.

      This is how it works for me, and has since 2013. I know my journey is quite different than that of my other Scout Elf friends. I tell them all about my boy every chance I get, because I know how important my journey, and our story is. So you see, I'm not Autistic, but my boy is, and so I am the Autistic Elf, and that's what they call me at the North Pole. My new mother even made me a very special, Autism Awareness, so I can spread the word wherever I go! I love my boy and I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world. Although, he needs to sleep more because some nights he doesn't leave me much time to fly back and report to the big man!

      Below are some pictures of my Elfcapades with my boy. Much like my boy, I'm very spunky, and I love to have fun!

Elves need Sensory Input too!

We like markers! And mustaches!

teehee!

Just hangin' around!

SNOWBALL fight!

I love to take sELFies!

Sensory Stocking Stuffers 2015

    I did this last year and a lot of you said you appreciated it, so here we are again this year.

    I do NOT get paid by Dollar Tree for these posts. I DON'T get free swag either. I do this because money is tight for so many, and even if it's not, a bargain is still a bargain. Also, a lot of autism therapy stores sell very similar toys, and jack the prices right up. That's not fair. Not when you can go to your local Dollar Tree and find the same things.

    So here it is, 2015's list of Sensory Stocking Stuffers. 

Two Tone Bouncing Putty I myself can NEVER put this stuff down!

Batter Operate Flashing Light Stick 

Battery Operated Flashing Batons  these are dual sensory! tactile and sight in one toy. Liam loves them!

Super Putty 

Stretchy Oblong Novelty Balls Liam and I both love these things! Sometimes they have ones that light up too. Even better!

LED Water Filled Rubber Bouncing Balls  I could stare at these things for hours! I love the smell of them too!

Light Up Yo Yo Balls  I remember the first year Santa brought one of these to Liam. I drove poor pita nuts with it. He finally, very calmly said, "Hon, please put that thing down!"

Licensed Character Bubbles  Bubbles are always a big hit!

Small 2 Piece Metal Puzzle  These are a great fidget toy.

To find a Dollar Tree near you, visit their website.