Back to School, Special Needs Style

    Back to school means many different things for many different families. The lists, the shopping, and so on. Many moms are excited to have a break. Many will miss their kids. Many are worried.

    Special Needs parents are no better than NT ones. Our lives are just different. Back to school for us, means more worries. How will our child handle the change? How will they do in school? How will they handle the bus ride? Will they ride a bus with NT kids? If so, how will they handle that? Will their IEP be followed? How often will we get a call from said school?

    I'm lucky in this department. Our decision to home school was one of the best I ever made. (It was a no brainer after our local school violated our son's civil rights) This isn't to say I don't have worries.

    We still need to get a routine down. This sometimes takes a couple weeks. Liam, like many autistics, loves routines, but only if they are HIS routines. For me, "mommy mode" needs to be turned off and "teacher mode" needs turned on, at least for part of our day. So it takes us a bit to get into our groove!


    Then his therapies start back in for the year. Since he has in home OT and PT, we just work around those times. Speech is at our local library, so that's the one we schedule for "after school." Oh, and then he has a mobile therapist, so we must work around that too.

    He also has an IEP. Yes, he is "home schooled" with a PA cyber school, so he does get an IEP. They also provide all the above therapies except the MT. (His insurance provides that.) I have IEP meetings just like you do. Except I don't need to get dressed and leave my house! (home school perk number one!)

     School shopping? Pffftttt! I don't have to do that either. Liam, like many autistics doesn't care for clothes, so he does his lessons in his underpants. No need for a whole new wardrobe! School supplies? The cyber school mails them to us! Everything he and I both need for a successful year. (home school perk number two!)

    Bed time? No need to prep for that! We have Liam on an "asynchronous" course. That means we do his lessons, on his time. Sleep is for the weak in this home, and Liam is RARELY in bed before midnight. So if he sleeps in, cool! We start classes around 11 or noon the next day. This gives him time to do something he wants, and then we do lessons, and then he can play outside. (home school perk number three)

    This also means if he's having a rough day, we can skip lessons. So no calls from school about rough days! We can also double up on lessons on good days! Last year, Beans was done with school in APRIL! Yes! We have been on summer break since spring! (getting into our groove may take a bit this year!)

    School bus isn't a worry! (Thank God, because the 4 days he rode it in kindy he was bullied for his lunch snacks)  (home school perk number four!)

    Doing school from our living room is a blessing and a luxury! As you can see, personally, we have many perks, but I still have worries. Thankfully, they aren't as severe as the special needs parents that don't have the option to home school. I've had those worries before and it wasn't fun. So I feel for all of you. Keep that in mind as you are sending your NT kids back to school.

Autism Parents Do NOT Hate You

Dear "NT" (neurotypical) Parents,

We don't hate you. We don't dislike you. We aren't jealous of you. I think some of us are envious, but never jealous.

Many times you seem to misinterpret our intent. When we say, "you're lucky to  worry about sports, or girl scouts, or sleep overs, college," and so on, we mean it. We know these are big worries.

 When we say we would love to worry about those things, often times, you get bent out of shape. Don't. We don't belittle your worries at all. What we mean is, we would rather those worries, then the sad ones we are faced with.

For a moment, put on some special needs parents glasses. See through our eyes.

We worry because our children often stand out and are bullied. (Not to say that yours aren't, but often times, it's special needs kids whom are targets.) We worry about our children being successful in a mainstream classroom. Getting invited to other children's parties. Being asked to play a school yard game.

We worry about IEP meetings. Therapies. Specialist appointments. College isn't even in some of our children's realm of possibilities.

We worry about what will happen when our children age out of the system. For many of us, we worry about who will care for our children (even as adults) when we pass away.

Some of our children have comorbid diagnoses. (Which means they don't just have Autism.) Many of them also struggle with mental disorders. So now we worry about hospitalizations. Maybe even institutions.

So you see, when we say "we wish we could worry about tee ball," we aren't demeaning your worries. We are saying we wish our worries were the same as yours. "Happy" worries as I refer to them.

Please, when you read our memes or our posts about these issues, try not getting so upset. Try putting on those special needs glasses I talked about.

Parenting is a rough gig. Whether your child is NT or not. We know that. 

Try understanding our worries for a moment.

Sincerely,

an Autism Mom <3

Words I don't want to hear

 "Age Appropriate" and "High Functioning." The next person that utters those words to me, may very well walk away with 5 across the eyes. I am serious!!!!

 What is age appropriate? Is that what people use to classify NT kids? I ask because my son has NEVER been age appropriate. In good ways, and in "bad".

 He hit most of his milestones early to be honest. Beyond that though, emotionally he has never behaved "age appropriate." He still to this day puts everything in his damn mouth. Not to taste it, but to feel it. I can NOT believe he hasn't choked on something or swallowed a penny or some shit. (*knocking on wood here*) He is super emotional. More so than "typical" kids his age I know. He is dangerous in that he has no clue as to personal safety. He has NO CLUE as to personal awareness, and walks on everyone, pushes into everything, and is basically like a bull in a china closet.  That is fine with me, I can handle that. We have grown together and we have learned to adapt.

 What I can't handle however, is thinking I have a 7 and a half year old child that I can trust be alone for even 5 minutes. I just can't leave him in a room alone, and expect to come back and find everything okay. I CAN'T.... Sometimes even I forget this....

 Just this morning, I was in the kitchen, de-fatting a roast for dinner. Liam was in the other room. I could see and hear him. However, because I was using a super sharp knife, my spidey senses were focused on that. When I set the knife down (after a mere 5 MINUTES)




 I look up to find Liam standing on the BACK of a chair. Sharp, broken cap gun in hand, and teetering dangerously as he was reaching for a knick knack on the high shelf.




 I snatched him up and I yelled. I won't lie. I YELLED. Probably ALL of my neighbors heard me. He scared the living shit out of me. (Seriously, Pita and I can't believe he hasn't broken or severely maimed himself in his short 7 years. He is that dangerous in regards to himself.)

 I know what you're probably thinking...... YES, I know it's my fault. I often forget that my son isn't "typical." I forget that unlike NT children I can't just let him be for a few minutes without my eagle eye. Many people have called me a helicopter mother, and you know what, I OWN THAT SHIT! This is the reason he is still alive. Christ if it weren't for my eagle eye, God only knows what would have happened to him by now.

 Even with my hovering parenting style, I have been trying to loosen the motherly leash and let him be a boy. So many keep telling me, "he needs to be a boy." Just when I loosen that grip, he does something like this that slaps reality in my face. He ISN'T just a "boy" he is an AUTISTIC BOY. Therefore, what is right for your NT boy is NOT right for my autistic one, so BACK OFF!!!!

 I have also been told, "You're so lucky he's higher functioning. It must be much easier." That frosts my ass too. I really dislike the labels of high/low functioning. All of our kids struggle with things in their own way. What may be easy for my kid, may be hard for yours, and vice versa. Besides, it's not a competition. (and for the record, my child is only labeled higher functioning educationally, NOT clinically.) So stop saying that shit!!!! Your kid is your kid, and my kid is mine. If I ask you for advice, by all means, give it. But STOP saying offensive shit.

                     Stop comparing our kids!!!

 Also, I am going to continue hovering because if I don't my child may break his neck and then whose fault would that be????? I'm gonna say you, because you told me to loosen my grip!!  (Just kidding) MAYBE....
                     
                                                                    <3 <3 <3 <3