Dear "NT" (neurotypical) Parents,
We don't hate you. We don't dislike you. We aren't jealous of you. I think some of us are envious, but never jealous.
Many times you seem to misinterpret our intent. When we say, "you're lucky to worry about sports, or girl scouts, or sleep overs, college," and so on, we mean it. We know these are big worries.
When we say we would love to worry about those things, often times, you get bent out of shape. Don't. We don't belittle your worries at all. What we mean is, we would rather those worries, then the sad ones we are faced with.
For a moment, put on some special needs parents glasses. See through our eyes.
We worry because our children often stand out and are bullied. (Not to say that yours aren't, but often times, it's special needs kids whom are targets.) We worry about our children being successful in a mainstream classroom. Getting invited to other children's parties. Being asked to play a school yard game.
We worry about IEP meetings. Therapies. Specialist appointments. College isn't even in some of our children's realm of possibilities.
We worry about what will happen when our children age out of the system. For many of us, we worry about who will care for our children (even as adults) when we pass away.
Some of our children have comorbid diagnoses. (Which means they don't just have Autism.) Many of them also struggle with mental disorders. So now we worry about hospitalizations. Maybe even institutions.
So you see, when we say "we wish we could worry about tee ball," we aren't demeaning your worries. We are saying we wish our worries were the same as yours. "Happy" worries as I refer to them.
Please, when you read our memes or our posts about these issues, try not getting so upset. Try putting on those special needs glasses I talked about.
Parenting is a rough gig. Whether your child is NT or not. We know that.
Try understanding our worries for a moment.
Sincerely,
an Autism Mom <3
Showing posts with label Bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bullying. Show all posts
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Sunday, December 28, 2014
You're raising a bully.....
If you follow our page or my blog, you know that where we live sucks. No bones about it. We are surrounded by children who bully our child, and parents who could care less.
Matter of fact, here's a great example. Last fall Liam was outside playing with his old bike. It's beat up, it's too small for him, and it needs to be junked. You know as well as I do, that our kiddos don't part easily with certain things. Anyway, he was playing with his bike, his father was in the yard preparing it for winter.
Out of nowhere Pita heard, "Hey Liam! The baby called, he wants his bike back!" You see, two neighbor kids were outside, but they didn't know Liam's dad was too. So there they were in the road, behind our car, taunting my son.
Pita came out from around the car. The kid who said that almost peed his pants. Hubby yelled, "I'm sick of you bullying my kid! Who do you think you are?" The other kid that was there (who has bullied Liam several times himself) quickly spoke up. "I didn't say nothing Pat! He told me to get Liam's attention. But I didn't say nothing, I swear!"
The kid who did, hung his head. He knew he had been caught. He also knew that he blew it. He used to play here a lot with Liam. As time went on, he would beat on him, or pick on him when other kids were around. He would knock on our house and run away, and Liam would sit inside crying because all he wanted was a friend to play with.
Now before you say anything, we did go to the parents. MANY times. We all know that kids are often a product of their parents, and this time was no different. The father will just scream and cuss and the mother will swear her child does no wrong.
So, long story short, Pat told this kid he was never welcome here again. He told him Liam needed REAL friends, not bullies. Kid never came back around. Until yesterday. My friend's son whom lives out of town with his dad, came to spend the night with Liam. Bully kid saw him here. He stayed on the outskirts of our yard and told N, "I can't come there, because Liam and I had a fight."
N told me, and I quickly corrected his info and told him what really happened. He just shook his head. Not long after that, bully kid's mom messages Pita. "***** wants to come apologize to Liam, but he's afraid to come over to your house." (name omitted for privacy)
Pita was pissed. He quickly informed the mother of why he had words with her son. He told her he doesn't need to be afraid to come over here. That he is only saying that because he was caught being a bully and was called out on it. Pita informed her of all the other times he bullied Liam and told her that we are done. We don't want Liam to be around kids like that. Her reply.....
"Kids will be kids!"
Really? So because he's a "kid" it's okay for him to verbally harass my child? When he is playing in my yard, minding his own business, it's okay for your child to tease him? It was okay when your son called me a "fat b word," when I reprimanded him for punching Liam in the stomach. It was okay for your son to steal from mine, and blame it on someone else. When you were given proof, you denied it and said, "my son would never steal."
Do you realize you're raising a bully? Let me define that for you, because I have heard you say, "my kid isn't a bully!"
So, by saying, "kids will be kids," you're making an excuse for your child's behavior. You're making it OKAY in his eyes, because it's okay in your eyes. Your husband was quoted as calling my son an "autistic retard," and in turn, your son has called him that many times. You see nothing wrong with that. You make me sad.
I feel terribly that I have to keep children away from my child. After all, in one sense, you're right. They are just kids. BUT, as a parent it's YOUR job to tell you child when they have done wrong. It's YOUR job to raise them to respect adults. To treat others how they want to be treated. To be kind to those who are different.
Please, for the rest of us, don't raise a bully. Raise a kind, caring, loving child. Leave the world with a good person, not someone who will bring others down.
Matter of fact, here's a great example. Last fall Liam was outside playing with his old bike. It's beat up, it's too small for him, and it needs to be junked. You know as well as I do, that our kiddos don't part easily with certain things. Anyway, he was playing with his bike, his father was in the yard preparing it for winter.
Out of nowhere Pita heard, "Hey Liam! The baby called, he wants his bike back!" You see, two neighbor kids were outside, but they didn't know Liam's dad was too. So there they were in the road, behind our car, taunting my son.
Pita came out from around the car. The kid who said that almost peed his pants. Hubby yelled, "I'm sick of you bullying my kid! Who do you think you are?" The other kid that was there (who has bullied Liam several times himself) quickly spoke up. "I didn't say nothing Pat! He told me to get Liam's attention. But I didn't say nothing, I swear!"
The kid who did, hung his head. He knew he had been caught. He also knew that he blew it. He used to play here a lot with Liam. As time went on, he would beat on him, or pick on him when other kids were around. He would knock on our house and run away, and Liam would sit inside crying because all he wanted was a friend to play with.
Now before you say anything, we did go to the parents. MANY times. We all know that kids are often a product of their parents, and this time was no different. The father will just scream and cuss and the mother will swear her child does no wrong.
So, long story short, Pat told this kid he was never welcome here again. He told him Liam needed REAL friends, not bullies. Kid never came back around. Until yesterday. My friend's son whom lives out of town with his dad, came to spend the night with Liam. Bully kid saw him here. He stayed on the outskirts of our yard and told N, "I can't come there, because Liam and I had a fight."
N told me, and I quickly corrected his info and told him what really happened. He just shook his head. Not long after that, bully kid's mom messages Pita. "***** wants to come apologize to Liam, but he's afraid to come over to your house." (name omitted for privacy)
Pita was pissed. He quickly informed the mother of why he had words with her son. He told her he doesn't need to be afraid to come over here. That he is only saying that because he was caught being a bully and was called out on it. Pita informed her of all the other times he bullied Liam and told her that we are done. We don't want Liam to be around kids like that. Her reply.....
"Kids will be kids!"
Really? So because he's a "kid" it's okay for him to verbally harass my child? When he is playing in my yard, minding his own business, it's okay for your child to tease him? It was okay when your son called me a "fat b word," when I reprimanded him for punching Liam in the stomach. It was okay for your son to steal from mine, and blame it on someone else. When you were given proof, you denied it and said, "my son would never steal."
Do you realize you're raising a bully? Let me define that for you, because I have heard you say, "my kid isn't a bully!"
bully
noun
1
a person who teases, threatens, or hurts smaller or weaker persons <officials were warned that if they wished to avoid a school shooting, they had to deal with the local bullies>
Related Words antagonist, enemy; abuser, baiter, giber (orjiber), harasser, harrier, heckler, mocker, needler,oppressor, persecutor, ridiculer, taunter, tease, teaser,torturer; goon, hood, hoodlum, hooligan, mug, punk, rough,roughneck, rowdy, ruffian, thug, tough, toughie
(definition from Merriam Webster)
I feel terribly that I have to keep children away from my child. After all, in one sense, you're right. They are just kids. BUT, as a parent it's YOUR job to tell you child when they have done wrong. It's YOUR job to raise them to respect adults. To treat others how they want to be treated. To be kind to those who are different.
Please, for the rest of us, don't raise a bully. Raise a kind, caring, loving child. Leave the world with a good person, not someone who will bring others down.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Don't Ignore~ A Cyber Bullying Flash Blog
I was asked to take part in this initiative to bring awareness to an ongoing issue of cyber bullying.
No mud slinging. No name calling. I won't stoop to a high school level. But I also won't sit back and act like this "community" isn't toxic in parts.
Some of these very advocates are screaming for acceptance. Are screaming that words hurt their children. Yet, these SAME parents are slinging these words at adults.
Now I ask you. If your child, your brother, your sister, your mother, your father or anyone you love for that matter, was being called vile names, would you sit back and ignore it? If any of those people you love, were being publicly ridiculed, blogged about, having memes made about them, would you not say anything? Would you tell your child to keep quiet if they were being bullied?
Hell no! You would tell them they need to stand up for themselves. And if they can't??? Then YOU would stand up for them.
So without calling people out. Without dragging their names, or their pages through mud, I will still stand up and fight. I KNOW the back story. I was there. I know who did what and when. Screen shots were taken. That is neither here nor there, because the point I am making, is bullying is bullying, plain and simple.
I will say that you can't ask people not to bully your children, when you in fact are a bully yourself.
I will say that we all joined this "community" with a common goal. To meet other parents living with and affected by autism. NOT to be throw around cliques, or to be bashed in private blogger forums. Not to have the mean girl cronies coming out of the wood work to defend who's wrong when they don't know the back story.
We are all here, from different walks of life. With different opinions. With different stories. That doesn't make you better than me, or vice versa. It makes you DIFFERENT. Shouldn't that be embraced? Isn't that what we want for our children?
So stop and think. Before you speak. Before you type. There are REAL people behind these computers. Real people, with real feelings. Words DO HURT. We all know that. So lets start paying closer attention to the words we throw at others.
Let's stand as a COMMUNITY with a common goal and cause. Let's start acting like adults. Let's be role models for our children, and show them how to behave offline and online. Let's learn from our mistakes, from others mistakes. Let's start choosing our words. Stepping away from the key board if we are upset. Because we all know, that words most certainly hurt. Sometimes just as bad as a punch to the gut.
On that note, let me share our story.... Not one of cyber bullying, but the "old fashioned" kind of bullying. Words and actions...
My son was bullied. He was bullied for almost a year by a neighbor child. Just out of my ear shot. I had no clue. Though my son is very verbal, when he is upset, he clams up and holds it in. Even though I was always right there, this would happen where I couldn't hear it, and I was literally clueless.
Until one day in 2010. We were walking home from their house after we had a movie night. (We would put a movie in for the kids in their room, and the adults would watch a movie together in the living room) Liam started bawling when we were no more than 5 feet from their door. It was then that he came forth and said he was being bullied. Physically and verbally. My heart crumbled. He was upset for days, as was I. How did I not see the signs? How could I have missed this? Why wasn't I there to protect him. (It's not like he is ever far from me.)
He had had enough, he took a stand. He stood up to his bully, and now they are friends. Pretty good ones at that. Liam wanted to speak out about his bully, so other kids wouldn't feel so alone. So at just 5 years old, he came to me, and together we created this quick video.
So that's our story. I pray you don't have one as well. Sadly, I think many of us do. PLEASE, teach your children that words hurt. Teach your children what makes a bully. Teach your children by YOUR example.
One more thing. This is Disney Channel's Friends for Change video about Bullying. Liam enjoys it. When I told him what I was blogging about, he said I should share this as well. Share it with your children.
To check out the other blogs joining in today, head over to A Legion for Liam. Look for the pinned post at the top, and the blogs will be listed in the comments <3
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Feelings.....
This post came to me last night. Of course after 2 hours of tossing and turning, I was finally comfortable, when my brain decides to put lucid thoughts together. Story of my life! Anyway, I was pondering the days events, and still giggling to myself over Liam's writing assignment. I was also thinking about the irony of it all.
You see, my son is verbal. VERY verbal. Dare I say, sometimes TOO verbal (or too honest, we haven't decided yet.) So, we often get, "You're so lucky he is verbal." or "He can talk, that is such a blessing!" Yes, it is. We know it is, and we are very thankful. However, what many don't realize is that, just because he is verbal, doesn't mean he is expressive. (I have blogged on this before, to read it, CLICK HERE)
Yes, he tells us he loves us, prompted and unprompted. He has conversations with us. Mainly about his current obsession. (Beyblades ATM) He tells us what he wants, and what he doesn't, (all too often) and he is VERY opinionated. BUT...... he has a hard time speaking about other things. If he is very upset, or even very excited, he also stutters, something terrible, and it takes him so long to get out what he needs to say, so he often gives up.
If Liam is sick, and you ask him what's wrong he can't tell you. (For two reasons. One, he has a super hero sized high pain threshold, and two, because he can't find the words to tell you what ails him.) His ear drums have perforated before we knew he had an ear infection. (Yeah, parents of the year here!) I take him to the Dr. and they go through the list of questions, and there Liam sits with a blank look because he can't tell them what he feels. (Thankfully his new Ped totally gets this, and directs the questions in different manners to try and evoke replies.)
When Liam is upset, he also can't tell you. He does one of two things. If he is really mad, he flips out. He screams, and cries, hits the walls, and bangs his head. Then he calms himself by rocking and humming. If he is upset because someone has hurt his feelings, he keeps it in. Don't get me wrong, he is a superb tattle tail if a kid is breaking the rules, but when someone bullies him (which happens all too often) he keeps the feelings in. He tells us it happens, but can't tell you much more than facts.
Each time it does happen, pita and I will sit with him afterward and try to talk to him about it. We ask him things like, "Are you okay? How did that make you feel? What did you say? What could you have said?" and so on. We try like hell to get him to express how it makes him feel and he can't. (aside from having a meltdown over it) You see, a child can be horribly cruel to Liam one day, and the next day, if said child comes back, Liam calls him his buddy and is ready to play with him. Liam doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't become jaded. I love that about him, I really do! However, it bothers me that he doesn't learn from it. When said child bullies again, we go through this whole process over. Sometimes, more than 4 times a week. (we really live in a shitty area!)
So anyway, getting him to express how this makes him feel is nearly impossible. Now, this year in school he is having to do short weekly writing assignments. I love this. At first, it was hell, as he fought me so hard, but now, he knows he HAS to do it. He also knows that per his teacher and 504, he can dictate to me, and I can write it. So he is cool with that. It is making him reach inside, and think and express himself in different ways. It is also giving us insight into what goes on his head. Case in point.....
You see, my son is verbal. VERY verbal. Dare I say, sometimes TOO verbal (or too honest, we haven't decided yet.) So, we often get, "You're so lucky he is verbal." or "He can talk, that is such a blessing!" Yes, it is. We know it is, and we are very thankful. However, what many don't realize is that, just because he is verbal, doesn't mean he is expressive. (I have blogged on this before, to read it, CLICK HERE)
Yes, he tells us he loves us, prompted and unprompted. He has conversations with us. Mainly about his current obsession. (Beyblades ATM) He tells us what he wants, and what he doesn't, (all too often) and he is VERY opinionated. BUT...... he has a hard time speaking about other things. If he is very upset, or even very excited, he also stutters, something terrible, and it takes him so long to get out what he needs to say, so he often gives up.
If Liam is sick, and you ask him what's wrong he can't tell you. (For two reasons. One, he has a super hero sized high pain threshold, and two, because he can't find the words to tell you what ails him.) His ear drums have perforated before we knew he had an ear infection. (Yeah, parents of the year here!) I take him to the Dr. and they go through the list of questions, and there Liam sits with a blank look because he can't tell them what he feels. (Thankfully his new Ped totally gets this, and directs the questions in different manners to try and evoke replies.)
When Liam is upset, he also can't tell you. He does one of two things. If he is really mad, he flips out. He screams, and cries, hits the walls, and bangs his head. Then he calms himself by rocking and humming. If he is upset because someone has hurt his feelings, he keeps it in. Don't get me wrong, he is a superb tattle tail if a kid is breaking the rules, but when someone bullies him (which happens all too often) he keeps the feelings in. He tells us it happens, but can't tell you much more than facts.
Each time it does happen, pita and I will sit with him afterward and try to talk to him about it. We ask him things like, "Are you okay? How did that make you feel? What did you say? What could you have said?" and so on. We try like hell to get him to express how it makes him feel and he can't. (aside from having a meltdown over it) You see, a child can be horribly cruel to Liam one day, and the next day, if said child comes back, Liam calls him his buddy and is ready to play with him. Liam doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't become jaded. I love that about him, I really do! However, it bothers me that he doesn't learn from it. When said child bullies again, we go through this whole process over. Sometimes, more than 4 times a week. (we really live in a shitty area!)
So anyway, getting him to express how this makes him feel is nearly impossible. Now, this year in school he is having to do short weekly writing assignments. I love this. At first, it was hell, as he fought me so hard, but now, he knows he HAS to do it. He also knows that per his teacher and 504, he can dictate to me, and I can write it. So he is cool with that. It is making him reach inside, and think and express himself in different ways. It is also giving us insight into what goes on his head. Case in point.....
This assignment was the precursor to the actual composition. Liam was to think of 6 animals he would like to be and why. His answers saddened, and shocked us....
He took a simple writing assignment and gave it feeling, his feelings. (a bit to much for this momma as it made me bawl behind a closed bathroom door.) The insight that he has at 7 amazes us. The way he was able to express himself, without realizing it was just awesome! Can you tell Liam is bullied quite a bit? (and sadly, he is bullied at home by neighbor kids, as we home school!)
Now, the next day, he was directed to choose one of these animals and expand upon why he would want to be that animal, and "write" a composition of at least 4 sentences. This is what he had to say....
Again, this is ALL him. His words, his thoughts. I was merely writing what he told me, exactly as he told me. I laughed and I cried over this one. I could still see the feelings of being bullied, but then he also added some facts he knows to be true about dogs. Liam is a VERY fact based child. He has a brain like a steel trap. It holds facts for future use (much like momma's but even better!)
His father and I are so in love with this assignment. We love the honesty, and comedic value to it. More than that, we love how he was able to reach inside, and pull out some of his feelings. He may or may not have realized he was doing this. When I hugged him and told him how much I loved it, he was quite aloof about the whole thing. No matter, he expressed himself. This has been a long time coming. We pray, this is the beginning of a new phase, and that he is finally learning how to get his feelings out. Even if he can't tell us. Even if he has to write them down. The fact that he can recognize or just pull them out, is awesome. With puberty around the corner, this will be a huge help to him and to us!
<3 <3 <3 <3
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Walking on Sunshine my Ass!
Whoever wrote that song Walking on Sunshine (credit for that goes to Kimberley Rew) is full of shit! I am a super optimistic. I always look on the bright side. I am a life is great kind of person, FOR THE MOST PART.... However lately, I want to shove rainbows down people's throats. I am pessimistic, and I know it, so I am keeping to myself. Hey, I don't want to rain on everyone's parade!!!!
In case you're too young to get the song reference, here's the youtube link (blogger is being an asshat and won't post the video) (and before there are assumptions, no, my love life is fine, I just hate this chipper song right now!) http://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U
Yeah, I know what you're thinking... "when life gives ya lemons...." No, I don't want to make lemonade! I want to squeeze that shit in someone's eyes, ok?!?!?! I am entitled to be a bit pessimistic once in awhile. Now is that time.
Since I blogged last we did get great news. Liam gets to keep his TSS. WOOT WOOT! For that I am stoked and super grateful. I was told that the reason we got to keep him is he agreed to more hours, and because I had Pita call and complain. I knew Mr. M didn't want to leave and we knew Liam didn't want to lose him, so since I abhor the phone, I nagged hubs til he called ;) So that was our good news.
Otherwise, not so much. I am so annoyed with the little shit neighbor kids that I dread hearing that damn school bus go through every day. Literally, my throat starts to burn, and my heart starts to race. When I found out last night that there was no school for them today, I immediately became sick to my stomch. Yes, it's that bad! Liam is constantly coming inside and constantly crying because of the things these kids are saying and doing to him. IN MY YARD!!
"Keep Liam inside," I have been told. Well, smart ass, don't ya think if it were that easy I would??? Yes, I am his mom. Yes, I am supposed to be in charge, but he is 7 with a very outspoken mind, and he NEEDS to be able to go outside for fresh air and to exert his energies. Also, I don't think it's fair to have to keep my child inside just because other people can't make their child mind!
Before the sanctimommies jump my shiz, listen up! I am not perfect. Nor do I EVER claim to be. Special needs child or not, if my child is being an asshat, you bet your ass, I will be the first to call him out, and reprimand him. I expect that from other parents. I am tired of being a parent to all of these other children. It isn't my job to watch your kids. If you are told your child is bullying someone, anyone, then you need to stand up and do something about. Just telling said child not to do that, obviously isn't working. Do something more. Try grounding your kid. Try leaving your house and making sure Johnny isn't being a jerk to kids and adults alike.
Also, while I am letting all this out. When you have been told about these events TIME, and TIME AGAIN, and you do nothing, you look like an ass. Even more so when you are told that authorities are going to be stepping in and then you choose to become all self righteous and vindicate your child of any wrong doing. Do you forget how long we have known each other????? YEARS...... need I say more?????
For the people who are reading this and know this neighborhood, don't ask me whom I am speaking of. There is more than one child this is in regards too. Because said children are minors, and because I am still a decent person, I will NOT divulge which children and parents I am speaking of. I know small towns. I have lived in them my whole life. I also know that everyone likes to think they know what or whom you are talking about when they really have no clue.
Bottom line.... This is a warning for ALL parents, and kids that live in my vicinity. I am done. No more Mrs. Nice Chick. (was I ever that? I'm not sure) No more warnings. Liam has been telling his therapists about all the events that go on here. Our next step is authorities. So, if you haven't stepped up and put a stop to your kid bullying mine, now might be a good time to do that. If you don't, it may be you who gets lemon juice in your eyes, a rainbow down your throat, and a huge "I told you so" when the authorities come a knockin'!
In case you're too young to get the song reference, here's the youtube link (blogger is being an asshat and won't post the video) (and before there are assumptions, no, my love life is fine, I just hate this chipper song right now!) http://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U
Yeah, I know what you're thinking... "when life gives ya lemons...." No, I don't want to make lemonade! I want to squeeze that shit in someone's eyes, ok?!?!?! I am entitled to be a bit pessimistic once in awhile. Now is that time.
Since I blogged last we did get great news. Liam gets to keep his TSS. WOOT WOOT! For that I am stoked and super grateful. I was told that the reason we got to keep him is he agreed to more hours, and because I had Pita call and complain. I knew Mr. M didn't want to leave and we knew Liam didn't want to lose him, so since I abhor the phone, I nagged hubs til he called ;) So that was our good news.
Otherwise, not so much. I am so annoyed with the little shit neighbor kids that I dread hearing that damn school bus go through every day. Literally, my throat starts to burn, and my heart starts to race. When I found out last night that there was no school for them today, I immediately became sick to my stomch. Yes, it's that bad! Liam is constantly coming inside and constantly crying because of the things these kids are saying and doing to him. IN MY YARD!!
"Keep Liam inside," I have been told. Well, smart ass, don't ya think if it were that easy I would??? Yes, I am his mom. Yes, I am supposed to be in charge, but he is 7 with a very outspoken mind, and he NEEDS to be able to go outside for fresh air and to exert his energies. Also, I don't think it's fair to have to keep my child inside just because other people can't make their child mind!
Before the sanctimommies jump my shiz, listen up! I am not perfect. Nor do I EVER claim to be. Special needs child or not, if my child is being an asshat, you bet your ass, I will be the first to call him out, and reprimand him. I expect that from other parents. I am tired of being a parent to all of these other children. It isn't my job to watch your kids. If you are told your child is bullying someone, anyone, then you need to stand up and do something about. Just telling said child not to do that, obviously isn't working. Do something more. Try grounding your kid. Try leaving your house and making sure Johnny isn't being a jerk to kids and adults alike.
Also, while I am letting all this out. When you have been told about these events TIME, and TIME AGAIN, and you do nothing, you look like an ass. Even more so when you are told that authorities are going to be stepping in and then you choose to become all self righteous and vindicate your child of any wrong doing. Do you forget how long we have known each other????? YEARS...... need I say more?????
For the people who are reading this and know this neighborhood, don't ask me whom I am speaking of. There is more than one child this is in regards too. Because said children are minors, and because I am still a decent person, I will NOT divulge which children and parents I am speaking of. I know small towns. I have lived in them my whole life. I also know that everyone likes to think they know what or whom you are talking about when they really have no clue.
Bottom line.... This is a warning for ALL parents, and kids that live in my vicinity. I am done. No more Mrs. Nice Chick. (was I ever that? I'm not sure) No more warnings. Liam has been telling his therapists about all the events that go on here. Our next step is authorities. So, if you haven't stepped up and put a stop to your kid bullying mine, now might be a good time to do that. If you don't, it may be you who gets lemon juice in your eyes, a rainbow down your throat, and a huge "I told you so" when the authorities come a knockin'!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Monday, Monday.....
Ahh Monday......................... (Cue music from the mamas and the papas)
When all the kiddos go back to school. No more in and out of everyone's kids tramping through my house. No more feeding and giving drinks out to all the kids. No more breaking up fights and figuring out who said and did what. No more wanting to choke parents for letting their kids act like jerks and treat my son like crap while also letting them disrespect us when we put them in their place. (Funny because they are the first parents to complain when their child is sent home for bad behavior, yet they are also the parents who are never around to see this behavior) No more listening to Liam cry because so and so said this, and so and so did that.
When all the kiddos go back to school. No more in and out of everyone's kids tramping through my house. No more feeding and giving drinks out to all the kids. No more breaking up fights and figuring out who said and did what. No more wanting to choke parents for letting their kids act like jerks and treat my son like crap while also letting them disrespect us when we put them in their place. (Funny because they are the first parents to complain when their child is sent home for bad behavior, yet they are also the parents who are never around to see this behavior) No more listening to Liam cry because so and so said this, and so and so did that.
You know, no matter how many times we tell Liam to not play with certain kids, he always forgives and often forgets and plays with them anyway. He has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. I enjoy our days together when all of these said children are In school. When I hear the bus in the afternoon my stomach burns and my hearts sinks because I know that it's only a matter of time until something crappy happens.
Yet he insists on playing with them and I can't shelter him from ignorance all his life. I need to teach him right from wrong and how he can be a better person. But you know, help from other parents in the way they are rearing their kids would help. STOP covering up for them. STOP acting like they do no wrong. STOP letting them disrespect adults and bully other children and act like that is okay. You are raising our future. What you do now sticks with them later. You're not doing them any damn favors.
My son is by no means perfect and I laugh when I hear ignorant neighbors say I think my kid does no wrong. When my kid is wrong he is punished and dealt with accordingly, which is what you should be doing with your kid. Instead you choose to be their friend and so let them do whatever they damn well please. Is it wrong that I sit back and wait for that to blow up in your face????
It's not like it was when we were kids. Your child is going to threaten to kill the wrong person and will a)result in CPS investigations and school expulsions or b)juvenile delinquent charges. When this happens don't look for sympathy here. Hubs and I have been trying to get through to all of you and your kids for the last 5 years. You choose not to listen. You choose not to make your kids listen. Sad really. Part of me feels bad that you don't care enough about your children to make them mind. Part of me feels bad for every child like my son who they mistreat. Part of me is waiting for another child to put them in their place. Hey, I'm only human. I can only sit back and nurture my son's broken heart and shattered ego because of your child so many times, without growing bitter to you all.
The worst offenders have been told they are no longer welcome here, as have their parents. I also laugh when one parent in particular told her child he's not allowed around mine or our home. Why? Are you afraid he may actually be taught right from wrong, and how to respect other human beings? I am sitting here smirking because these are the people this post targets, and they will never read it. Not because I am hiding it, but because they don't care. The parents that care, like you and I, are the parents that read stuff like this. The parents that get it. The parents that don't let their children, special needs or not, be jerks to other children, special needs or not. We are the parents that are raising our futures right. To that I say, I admire you all! To the rest, you have my pity. I pray my son doesn't read about your child being in jail some day. I pray my son isn't your child's boss some day. I pray my son can always forgive and forget and NEVER treat your child the way you let yours treat my son.....
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The worst offenders have been told they are no longer welcome here, as have their parents. I also laugh when one parent in particular told her child he's not allowed around mine or our home. Why? Are you afraid he may actually be taught right from wrong, and how to respect other human beings? I am sitting here smirking because these are the people this post targets, and they will never read it. Not because I am hiding it, but because they don't care. The parents that care, like you and I, are the parents that read stuff like this. The parents that get it. The parents that don't let their children, special needs or not, be jerks to other children, special needs or not. We are the parents that are raising our futures right. To that I say, I admire you all! To the rest, you have my pity. I pray my son doesn't read about your child being in jail some day. I pray my son isn't your child's boss some day. I pray my son can always forgive and forget and NEVER treat your child the way you let yours treat my son.....
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
First Day Jitters....
As I see pics of friends' kiddos heading back to school, and I hear about little ones starting kindergarten, I am so happy for them. Yet, for me, it makes me queasy.
I remember waiting impatiently for him to get off the bus. I remember the look in his eyes when he did. I remember how he didn't speak, refused to eat, stared blankly around the room. My heart sinks, I want to vomit.
He endured school for 4 days. He was placed in the hallway when he couldn't handle the class, the noises, the smells, and so on. At no time was I told. I emailed his teacher on day two. Asked her how it went. Asked her why his shirt was all stretched out around the neck. Why it was soaked. She told me, "he misses you, that is all." At no time did she tell me he was spending his days in the hall. At no time did she tell me he vomited in the cafeteria and was sent to the nurse. He was sent out of gym, music and art, and only was able to tolerate the library.
I am sickened. My child was treated like an unwanted animal, and I was none the wiser. I cry, a lot. When I see that teacher in public it is all I can do to refrain from mauling her. My son is terrified of her. He refuses to step foot in schools. He has a hard time coloring because he always remembers how she yelled at him and mocked him in front of a class full of strange kids. Just because he couldn't color in the lines.
I know I made the right decision to pull him from that hellacious school. It was an easy choice to pull him, but a huge decision to take over his education myself. It has been hard being his teacher and there are days I get so upset, I do raise my voice. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be. I have learned to walk away, and take a few breaths, and he is learning to do the same. We are learning together.
I am watching my son flourish. When he aces math with no issues, he beams with pride. When he reads to me (a story of his choosing) he is all smiles. Inside, I am exploding with pride because I taught him that.
I jest about the choice to home school, because it isn't easy. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not for everyone. For us, it was the only choice, the only way. When people ask me if Liam will ever return to brick and mortar school, I say I hope so. But do I???? Not really. It makes me sick to think about it. It makes him freak out to talk about it. Sure I would love a few hours of peace. But not at the price of my son. He didn't deserve the way he was treated at Northeast Bradford, and I can't and won't make him go through that again. When and if HE decides he wants to try, I will do my best to pave the way for him. Until then, we home school!
You can't tell, but I was scared to death to let him go. (2010)
I remember the tears and the fear in Liam and myself that first day. It was rainy and dreary. My friend brought her kiddos over to wait with Liam for the bus. He was so excited. He danced all over the deck. When he got on the bus, I saw him put his brave face on. I watched as he choked back tears. I too did the same, because I didn't want my baby to see my fear.
Look how happy he was!!! (2010)
He rushed to get on the bus as he fought back his tears (2010)
He endured school for 4 days. He was placed in the hallway when he couldn't handle the class, the noises, the smells, and so on. At no time was I told. I emailed his teacher on day two. Asked her how it went. Asked her why his shirt was all stretched out around the neck. Why it was soaked. She told me, "he misses you, that is all." At no time did she tell me he was spending his days in the hall. At no time did she tell me he vomited in the cafeteria and was sent to the nurse. He was sent out of gym, music and art, and only was able to tolerate the library.
I am sickened. My child was treated like an unwanted animal, and I was none the wiser. I cry, a lot. When I see that teacher in public it is all I can do to refrain from mauling her. My son is terrified of her. He refuses to step foot in schools. He has a hard time coloring because he always remembers how she yelled at him and mocked him in front of a class full of strange kids. Just because he couldn't color in the lines.
I know I made the right decision to pull him from that hellacious school. It was an easy choice to pull him, but a huge decision to take over his education myself. It has been hard being his teacher and there are days I get so upset, I do raise my voice. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be. I have learned to walk away, and take a few breaths, and he is learning to do the same. We are learning together.
I am watching my son flourish. When he aces math with no issues, he beams with pride. When he reads to me (a story of his choosing) he is all smiles. Inside, I am exploding with pride because I taught him that.
I jest about the choice to home school, because it isn't easy. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not for everyone. For us, it was the only choice, the only way. When people ask me if Liam will ever return to brick and mortar school, I say I hope so. But do I???? Not really. It makes me sick to think about it. It makes him freak out to talk about it. Sure I would love a few hours of peace. But not at the price of my son. He didn't deserve the way he was treated at Northeast Bradford, and I can't and won't make him go through that again. When and if HE decides he wants to try, I will do my best to pave the way for him. Until then, we home school!
Look how happy he is in his personal class room! (this was his first day of school last year) he was counting ALOUD (which means yelling, bc he is so very literal. ( Blurred bc he does school in his underpants!)
♥♥♥♥
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Mom vs. the World.....
Spring is here. Well not technically speaking, but the warmer weather is here and that means our neighborhood comes alive. At any given time there are about 10 children roaming the streets here. Liam often gets angry because he doesn't have the freedom they do.....(sorry, but my child stays where I can see him....that's just the parent I am) So he works very hard to get the kids to come here and play with him, in his "territory" and my comfort zone.
PITA has been telling me I need to let him stretch his boundary a bit. Instead of confining him to only the front yard, I should let him be free to play all around our house, as he needs to "spread his wings." I am working on this slowly, but let me tell you why I'm not comfortable with this.....
It seems, that as soon as they are out of ear shot, the older children start running their mouths to the littles. Yesterday I let him go to a friend's house with another boy to play Xbox. They came back and informed me that the kid got mad at them and called them both the R-word!!!! To say I was livid was an understatement. I quickly called this boy over. On his way, he apologized to Liam and the other boy, but I still gave the lecture. "Do you know what that is? Do you know how hurtful that is? You know Liam has Autism, and many think that kids with Autism are the R-word. You do know that's wrong???" He did, he agreed, he had utter guilt on his face. (He is a good kid, but like all of us, we're not perfect.) He apologized to me, and both boys again, and I asked him to never say it again. Off they went into the yard.....the back yard.
Now, we can see these kids from the window in our living room, but we can't hear them. I am ok as long as I can sort of see what it going down.....Well it wasn't 15 minutes later and Liam comes back to tell me that another boy (12) called him queer.
Okay, now I am seething with rage. My child is 6, NO ONE calls him that!!!! I went out front and asked the kids to have this boy come over here. In the mean time, PITA speaks up and says, "what are you doing? Are you always going to be there to run defense for him?" I stopped, and just glared at him. "Yep, I will be. He is 6, I will NOT put up with this!"
PITA goes on....he is mad at how stubborn I am being. "You won't always be there. You have to let him grow a thick skin. You have to let him learn how to deal with this on his own."
Okay, I get this, I do. Part of me knows he is right. (and oh how I HATE to admit that!) I won't always be there to run defense. But he is SIX!!!!!!! I am here now....Isn't my job to set these other children straight now.....teach them to be more caring, more tolerant, and do my best to make them aware of other with special needs? If their parents aren't doing it, then who will? Liam is my baby, and he is still young. I feel it's my job to protect him......
Am I wrong??? Am I over stepping??? Should I step back and let him handle it???
PITA has been telling me I need to let him stretch his boundary a bit. Instead of confining him to only the front yard, I should let him be free to play all around our house, as he needs to "spread his wings." I am working on this slowly, but let me tell you why I'm not comfortable with this.....
It seems, that as soon as they are out of ear shot, the older children start running their mouths to the littles. Yesterday I let him go to a friend's house with another boy to play Xbox. They came back and informed me that the kid got mad at them and called them both the R-word!!!! To say I was livid was an understatement. I quickly called this boy over. On his way, he apologized to Liam and the other boy, but I still gave the lecture. "Do you know what that is? Do you know how hurtful that is? You know Liam has Autism, and many think that kids with Autism are the R-word. You do know that's wrong???" He did, he agreed, he had utter guilt on his face. (He is a good kid, but like all of us, we're not perfect.) He apologized to me, and both boys again, and I asked him to never say it again. Off they went into the yard.....the back yard.
Now, we can see these kids from the window in our living room, but we can't hear them. I am ok as long as I can sort of see what it going down.....Well it wasn't 15 minutes later and Liam comes back to tell me that another boy (12) called him queer.
Okay, now I am seething with rage. My child is 6, NO ONE calls him that!!!! I went out front and asked the kids to have this boy come over here. In the mean time, PITA speaks up and says, "what are you doing? Are you always going to be there to run defense for him?" I stopped, and just glared at him. "Yep, I will be. He is 6, I will NOT put up with this!"
PITA goes on....he is mad at how stubborn I am being. "You won't always be there. You have to let him grow a thick skin. You have to let him learn how to deal with this on his own."
Okay, I get this, I do. Part of me knows he is right. (and oh how I HATE to admit that!) I won't always be there to run defense. But he is SIX!!!!!!! I am here now....Isn't my job to set these other children straight now.....teach them to be more caring, more tolerant, and do my best to make them aware of other with special needs? If their parents aren't doing it, then who will? Liam is my baby, and he is still young. I feel it's my job to protect him......
Am I wrong??? Am I over stepping??? Should I step back and let him handle it???
original pic credited too: Dr. Blondie
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
From Bully to Buddy.....
Those that know me, know I love kids. ALL kids. I should have had a passel of them, but that was not in my cards. (no worries, my heart is full with the one God gave me.) Those people also know that we live in a trailer park. (go ahead, here is where you can leave your trailer trash jokes.....I have one for ya though....You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you CAN'T take the trailer park out of the girl!) Yeah we joke about it too. We are poor. So what. What we lack in money, we make up for in love and laughs. That's what truly matters anyway..... Moving on. We are surrounded by kids. In the summer my yard is usually full of them. Liam is in his glory. Oddly though he isn't always playing with them. They are usually playing something, while Liam is off to the side, playing his own thing, his own way, and he is good with that.
Being a crafty momma, I try to think of low cost things he can do with the kids, and be a part of the play. Usually that lasts about 5 mins for him, and all day with the others. He doesn't care, and as long as he is happy, why should I???
The older he gets the more he craves that one on one friend. That so called "bestie." A Bud. His buddy from when he was a baby has a hard time playing with Liam because well, Liam is bossy, and pushy and grabby and "A" has a hard time with that. I can't blame him. The kid he has clicked with is older by 5 years. He used to bully Liam. Now they are buddies.
What happened you ask? Well, I'm not 100 percent sure. A few years ago this boy was mean to Liam. In front of us, he wasn't. But when they would walk out of ear shot to play, the other side of him came out. He would tell his little sister to call Liam horrible names. He once took Liam into his room to play, and then beat the crap out of him. He then told his mother Liam beat him up, and we abruptly left. The whole time Liam was crying saying, "Momma, I didn't touch him I promise!" I know when my child lies, and I know this other child well enough that I know when he is lying. My son wasn't.
We tried to tell this child's mother what was going on. Not much was done. I think she didn't want to admit that something was going on with her child. I can get mad about that, or I can realize that when it comes to our kids, it's not always easy for us to admit their faults. Hey, I have been there.
The straw that broke the camels back was a few months ago. This boy told my son he was stupid and a baby. I went off. After all the education about Autism we have preached to these neighbor kids, and he dared speak to my baby like that. Well when I was out of earshot he called me a b!t@h. Another kid came and told me. Now Dad is involved and he is steaming.
He calmly asked him why he was being this way. We have always been so nice to him. We don't yell at him, but we also don't let him get away with being a bad boy. Paddy asked him why he was so mean to Liam when all Liam wants to do is love him. The truth came out. This young little boy was in fact a target of bullying at school. He cried and cried and confided in Paddy that he is mean to Liam because he is always so angry that kids are mean to him. My heart broke. As mad as I was that he was treating my child badly, I was even more mad that it was because someone else was treating him so badly. I hugged him. I told him it's not right. We talked to him at length that night. My friend was there, he is a counselor and works with children. He went over and talked at length to the mother. She got in contact with the school.
Fast forward a few months. This child has now been to stay at our home 4 times now. He has been a wonderful little boy. He asks if I need help with dishes. When Liam gets too "handsy" he calmly tells him, "if you want me to be your friend, you have to stop hitting me!" He actively asks us about Autism, and what it is and how it affects Liam. He is learning, he is caring.
There are still days when he doesn't play with Liam. He plays with another boy that is the same age and it upsets Liam. We are working on getting Liam to understand that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. That if you spent every waking hour with a friend, you will ultimately get sick of one another. We're working on it. Until then, my heart swells when "N" comes to play with Liam. They play together so well. Liam looks up to him, calls him his brother, and I love it.
Bottom line, there is always room for hope. Even a bully can become a buddy!
<3 <3 <3 <3
Being a crafty momma, I try to think of low cost things he can do with the kids, and be a part of the play. Usually that lasts about 5 mins for him, and all day with the others. He doesn't care, and as long as he is happy, why should I???
The older he gets the more he craves that one on one friend. That so called "bestie." A Bud. His buddy from when he was a baby has a hard time playing with Liam because well, Liam is bossy, and pushy and grabby and "A" has a hard time with that. I can't blame him. The kid he has clicked with is older by 5 years. He used to bully Liam. Now they are buddies.
What happened you ask? Well, I'm not 100 percent sure. A few years ago this boy was mean to Liam. In front of us, he wasn't. But when they would walk out of ear shot to play, the other side of him came out. He would tell his little sister to call Liam horrible names. He once took Liam into his room to play, and then beat the crap out of him. He then told his mother Liam beat him up, and we abruptly left. The whole time Liam was crying saying, "Momma, I didn't touch him I promise!" I know when my child lies, and I know this other child well enough that I know when he is lying. My son wasn't.
We tried to tell this child's mother what was going on. Not much was done. I think she didn't want to admit that something was going on with her child. I can get mad about that, or I can realize that when it comes to our kids, it's not always easy for us to admit their faults. Hey, I have been there.
The straw that broke the camels back was a few months ago. This boy told my son he was stupid and a baby. I went off. After all the education about Autism we have preached to these neighbor kids, and he dared speak to my baby like that. Well when I was out of earshot he called me a b!t@h. Another kid came and told me. Now Dad is involved and he is steaming.
He calmly asked him why he was being this way. We have always been so nice to him. We don't yell at him, but we also don't let him get away with being a bad boy. Paddy asked him why he was so mean to Liam when all Liam wants to do is love him. The truth came out. This young little boy was in fact a target of bullying at school. He cried and cried and confided in Paddy that he is mean to Liam because he is always so angry that kids are mean to him. My heart broke. As mad as I was that he was treating my child badly, I was even more mad that it was because someone else was treating him so badly. I hugged him. I told him it's not right. We talked to him at length that night. My friend was there, he is a counselor and works with children. He went over and talked at length to the mother. She got in contact with the school.
Fast forward a few months. This child has now been to stay at our home 4 times now. He has been a wonderful little boy. He asks if I need help with dishes. When Liam gets too "handsy" he calmly tells him, "if you want me to be your friend, you have to stop hitting me!" He actively asks us about Autism, and what it is and how it affects Liam. He is learning, he is caring.
There are still days when he doesn't play with Liam. He plays with another boy that is the same age and it upsets Liam. We are working on getting Liam to understand that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. That if you spent every waking hour with a friend, you will ultimately get sick of one another. We're working on it. Until then, my heart swells when "N" comes to play with Liam. They play together so well. Liam looks up to him, calls him his brother, and I love it.
Bottom line, there is always room for hope. Even a bully can become a buddy!
<3 <3 <3 <3
Monday, April 9, 2012
Liam's Bully Project
Today we made another video. This time LJ wanted to make a video about bullying. He LOVES the new Taylor Swift song Mean, and wanted to use that to tell others about bullying. Its becoming so media worthy, (as it should) and Liam wanted to do his part in making others aware. He also has been "picked on and it makes me sad." (his own words) I wrote up 6 questions, and "interviewed" him this morning. While he was in therapy, I wrote his answers on cue cards. He doesn't like to talk on camera, so we just took pics like we did for his last video. This morning he and I looked up some statistics on bullying and made some pics using the info, and so his bullying video was born :) PLEASE watch it, watch it with your kids, and SHARE it. Spread the word that BULLYING HURTS!!!!!
HERE IS THE LINK, (FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T UPLOAD IT RIGHT TO THIS ENTRY) LIAM'S BULLY PROJECT
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