I Saw You Judging

To the gentleman man at the Sayre, Pa Walmart this evening.

I saw you.

First I saw you in the sporting goods section, boasting to all of your friends that “Not everyone is a real hunter! I’m sick of these fake guys around here. It’s pathetic.”

I shook my head as I walked away. I felt a bit sorry for you.

Why?

Because you seemed so judgmental of people that may not be a “real hunter.”

Because your life must be so mundane that you have nothing better to do, than to put down others for something so trivial.

Because you showed such disdain for someone that you don’t even know.

Not even twenty minutes later we were again exposed to your ignorance.

My family and I were at the end of the video game aisle. You were standing just across from us in the center of the main aisle.

I saw you

A very tall gentleman walked by.

He was dressed head to toe in camo, and had two other guys with him. They were talking a bit loudly, but no louder than everyone else in the store tonight.

Somehow I knew he was the person of whom you were talking about earlier.

I looked straight at you. At which time you made eye contact with me.

The smirk on your face and the shaking of your head said it all.

I normally shy away from eye contact, but I held your gaze.

I saw you attempt to speak to me, which is why I stopped looking you in the eye and instead shook my head. I had a pretty clear idea of what you wanted.

Your wife walked up to you and you loudly exclaimed, “Did you see those guys? Oh my God! People have no shame!”

At this point you probably heard me call you a “judgemental asshole.”

What did that man have to be ashamed of?

For shopping in Walmart, like YOU?

For wearing camo, like YOU?

For looking at stuff in the sporting goods section, like YOU?

For minding his own business and just going about his life? Unlike you.

Do you know who should be shamed?

YOU

For judging someone you don’t even know.

For trying to encourage others to join in on your pig headed ignorance.

For being what is wrong with our country.

Oh, and I saw you at the registers too.

When you were standing again with all of your friends, LOUDLY singing, I Touch Myself by the Divinyls.

And you know what?

The gentleman YOU were judging was right next to me in the checkout lane.

But guess what?

HE DIDN’T JUDGE YOU

He went about his life with his friends and made his purchases.

But I judge you. I normally wouldn't but since you feel it's okay then I wonder how being judged would make you feel.

Would you appreciate being called “a typical, middle aged, overweight, white guy that feels so badly about himself that he has to call out others to make himself feel better?”

I can’t imagine that deep down that would make you feel very good.

When I got into the car I asked my family if they saw you. They did.

My eleven year old son asked why you were being so mean to hunters.

I had to explain to him that just like the kids who bully him, adults do it too, which is where they learn it.

I had to explain to him that people in this world judge us without knowing us.

Now I’m not naive, I know you’ll never read this. My only hope is that someday, you are treated the way you behave.

Maybe then you’ll realize how nasty you are, and how people like you are the very people ruining this country.

Oh, and I hope you don’t have kids. We have enough bullies here.

Don't Ignore~ A Cyber Bullying Flash Blog

Cyber Bullying Flash Blog

I was asked to take part in this initiative to bring awareness to an ongoing issue of cyber bullying.





No mud slinging. No name calling. I won't stoop to a high school level. But I also won't sit back and act like this "community" isn't toxic in parts.




Some of these very advocates are screaming for acceptance. Are screaming that words hurt their children. Yet, these SAME parents are slinging these words at adults.

Now I ask you. If your child, your brother, your sister, your mother, your father or anyone you love for that matter, was being called vile names, would you sit back and ignore it? If any of those people you love, were being publicly ridiculed, blogged about, having memes made about them, would you not say anything? Would you tell your child to keep quiet if they were being bullied?

Hell no! You would tell them they need to stand up for themselves. And if they can't??? Then YOU would stand up for them.

So without calling people out. Without dragging their names, or their pages through mud, I will still stand up and fight. I KNOW the back story. I was there. I know who did what and when. Screen shots were taken. That is neither here nor there, because the point I am making, is bullying is bullying, plain and simple.

 I will say that you can't ask people not to bully your children, when you in fact are a bully yourself.

I will say that we all joined this "community" with a common goal. To meet other parents living with and affected by autism. NOT to be throw around cliques, or to be bashed in private blogger forums. Not to have the mean girl cronies coming out of the wood work to defend who's wrong when they don't know the back story.

We are all here, from different walks of life. With different opinions. With different stories. That doesn't make you better than me, or vice versa. It makes you DIFFERENT. Shouldn't that be embraced? Isn't that what we want for our children?

So stop and think. Before you speak. Before you type. There are REAL people behind these computers. Real people, with real feelings. Words DO HURT. We all know that. So lets start paying closer attention to the words we throw at others.

Let's stand as a COMMUNITY with a common goal and cause. Let's start acting like adults. Let's be role models for our children, and show them how to behave offline and online. Let's learn from our mistakes, from others mistakes. Let's start choosing our words. Stepping away from the key board if we are upset. Because we all know, that words most certainly hurt. Sometimes just as bad as a punch to the gut.

On that note, let me share our story.... Not one of cyber bullying, but the "old fashioned" kind of bullying. Words and actions...

My son was bullied. He was bullied for almost a year by a neighbor child. Just out of my ear shot. I had no clue. Though my son is very verbal, when he is upset, he clams up and holds it in. Even though I was always right there, this would happen where I couldn't hear it, and I was literally clueless.

Until one day in 2010. We were walking home from their house after we had a movie night. (We would put a movie in for the kids in their room, and the adults would watch a movie together in the living room) Liam started bawling when we were no more than 5 feet from their door. It was then that he came forth and said he was being bullied. Physically and verbally. My heart crumbled. He was upset for days, as was I. How did I not see the signs? How could I have missed this? Why wasn't I there to protect him. (It's not like he is ever far from me.)

He had had enough,  he took a stand. He stood up to his bully, and now they are friends. Pretty good ones at that. Liam wanted to speak out about his bully, so other kids wouldn't feel so alone. So at just 5 years old, he came to me, and together we created this quick video.

So that's our story. I pray you don't have one as well. Sadly, I think many of us do. PLEASE, teach your children that words hurt. Teach your children what makes a bully. Teach your children by YOUR example.

One more thing. This is Disney Channel's Friends for Change video about Bullying. Liam enjoys it. When I told him what I was blogging about, he said I should share this as well. Share it with your children.

To check out the other blogs joining in today, head over to A Legion for Liam. Look for the pinned post at the top, and the blogs will be listed in the comments <3

Feelings.....

  This post came to me last night. Of course after 2 hours of tossing and turning, I was finally comfortable, when my brain decides to put lucid thoughts together. Story of my life! Anyway, I was pondering the days events, and still giggling to myself over Liam's writing assignment. I was also thinking about the irony of it all.

  You see, my son is verbal. VERY verbal. Dare I say, sometimes TOO verbal (or too honest, we haven't decided yet.) So, we often get, "You're so lucky he is verbal." or "He can talk, that is such a blessing!"  Yes, it is. We know it is, and we are very thankful. However, what many don't realize is that, just because he is verbal, doesn't mean he is expressive. (I have blogged on this before, to read it, CLICK HERE)

  Yes, he tells us he loves us, prompted and unprompted. He has conversations with us. Mainly about his current obsession. (Beyblades ATM) He tells us what he wants, and what he doesn't, (all too often) and he is VERY opinionated. BUT...... he has a hard time speaking about other things. If he is very upset, or even very excited, he also stutters, something terrible, and it takes him so long to get out what he needs to say, so he often gives up.

  If Liam is sick, and you ask him what's wrong he can't tell you. (For two reasons. One, he has a super hero sized high pain threshold, and two, because he can't find the words to tell you what ails him.) His ear drums have perforated before we knew he had an ear infection. (Yeah, parents of the year here!) I take him to the Dr. and they go through the list of questions, and there Liam sits with a blank look because he can't tell them what he feels. (Thankfully his new Ped totally gets this, and directs the questions in different manners to try and evoke replies.)

  When Liam is upset, he also can't tell you. He does one of two things. If he is really mad, he flips out. He screams, and cries, hits the walls, and bangs his head. Then he calms himself by rocking and humming. If he is upset because someone has hurt his feelings, he keeps it in. Don't get me wrong, he is a superb tattle tail if a kid is breaking the rules, but when someone bullies him (which happens all too often) he keeps the feelings in. He tells us it happens, but can't tell you much more than facts.

  Each time it does happen, pita and I will sit with him afterward and try to talk to him about it. We ask him things like, "Are you okay? How did that make you feel? What did you say? What could you have said?" and so on. We try like hell to get him to express how it makes him feel and he can't. (aside from having a meltdown over it) You see, a child can be horribly cruel to Liam one day, and the next day, if said child comes back, Liam calls him his buddy and is ready to play with him. Liam doesn't hold grudges. He doesn't become jaded. I love that about him, I really do! However,  it bothers me that he doesn't learn from it. When said child bullies again, we go through this whole process over. Sometimes, more than 4 times a week. (we really live in a shitty area!)

  So anyway, getting him to express how this makes him feel is nearly impossible. Now, this year in school he is having to do short weekly writing assignments. I love this. At first, it was hell, as he fought me so hard, but now, he knows he HAS to do it. He also knows that per his teacher and 504, he can dictate to me, and I can write it. So he is cool with that. It is making him reach inside, and think and express himself in different ways. It is also giving us insight into what goes on his head. Case in point.....

This assignment was the precursor to the actual composition. Liam was to think of 6 animals he would like to be and why. His answers saddened, and shocked us....

He took a simple writing assignment and gave it feeling, his feelings. (a bit to much for this momma as it made me bawl behind a closed bathroom door.) The insight that he has at 7 amazes us. The way he was able to express himself, without realizing it was just awesome! Can you tell Liam is bullied quite a bit? (and sadly, he is bullied at home by neighbor kids, as we home school!)

Now, the next day, he was directed to choose one of these animals and expand upon why he would want to be that animal, and "write" a composition of at least 4 sentences.  This is what he had to say....

Again, this is ALL him. His words,  his thoughts. I was merely writing what he told me, exactly as he told me. I laughed and I cried over this one. I could still see the feelings of being bullied, but then he also added some facts he knows to be true about dogs. Liam is a VERY fact based child. He has a brain like a steel trap. It holds facts for future use (much like momma's but even better!)

His father and I are so in love with this assignment. We love the honesty, and comedic value to it. More than that, we love how he was able to reach inside, and pull out some of his feelings. He may or may not have realized he was doing this. When I hugged him and told him how much I loved it, he was quite aloof about the whole thing. No matter, he expressed himself. This has been a long time coming. We pray, this is the beginning of  a new phase, and that he is finally learning how to get his feelings out. Even if he can't tell us. Even if he has to write them down. The fact that he can recognize or just pull them out, is awesome. With puberty around the corner, this will be a huge help to him and to us!

<3 <3 <3 <3

Monday, Monday.....

Ahh Monday......................... (Cue music from the mamas and the papas)

 When all the kiddos go back to school. No more in and out of everyone's kids tramping through my house. No more feeding and giving drinks out to all the kids. No more breaking up fights and figuring out who said and did what. No more wanting to choke parents for letting their kids act like jerks and treat my son like crap while also letting them disrespect us when we put them in their place. (Funny because they are the first parents to complain when their child is sent home for bad behavior, yet they are also the parents who are never around to see this behavior) No more listening to Liam cry because so and so said this, and so and so did that.

You know, no matter how many times we tell Liam to not play with certain kids, he always forgives and often forgets and plays with them anyway. He has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. I enjoy our days together when all of these said children are In school. When I hear the bus in the afternoon my stomach burns and my hearts sinks because I know that it's only a matter of time until something crappy happens.

Yet he insists on playing with them and I can't shelter him from ignorance all his life. I need to teach him right from wrong and how he can be a better person. But you know, help from other parents in the way they are rearing their kids would help. STOP covering up for them. STOP acting like they do no wrong. STOP letting them disrespect adults and bully other children and act like that is okay. You are raising our future. What you do now sticks with them later. You're not doing them any damn favors. 

My son is by no means perfect and I laugh when I hear ignorant neighbors say I think my kid does no wrong. When my kid is wrong he is punished and dealt with accordingly, which is what you should be doing with your kid. Instead you choose to be their friend and so let them do whatever they damn well please. Is it wrong that I sit back and wait for that to blow up in your face????

It's not like it was when we were kids. Your child is going to threaten to kill the wrong person and will a)result in CPS investigations and school expulsions or b)juvenile delinquent charges. When this happens don't look for sympathy here. Hubs and I have been trying to get through to all of you and your kids for the last 5 years. You choose not to listen. You choose not to make your kids listen. Sad really. Part of me feels bad that you don't care enough about your children to make them mind. Part of me feels bad for every child like my son who they mistreat. Part of me is waiting for another child to put them in their place. Hey, I'm  only human. I can only sit back and nurture my son's broken heart and shattered ego because of your child so many times, without growing bitter to you all.

The worst offenders have been told they are no longer welcome here, as have their parents. I also laugh when one parent in particular told her child he's not allowed around mine or our home. Why? Are you afraid he may actually be taught right from wrong, and how to respect other human beings? I am sitting here smirking because these are the people this post targets, and they will never read it. Not because I am hiding it, but because they don't care. The parents that care, like you and I, are the parents that read stuff like this. The parents that get it. The parents that don't let their children, special needs or not, be jerks to other children, special needs or not. We are the parents that are raising our futures right. To that I say, I admire you all! To the rest, you have my pity. I pray my son doesn't read about your child being in jail some day. I pray my son isn't your child's boss some day. I pray my son can always forgive and forget and NEVER treat your child the way you let yours treat my son.....
                                                                   
                                                                        ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥